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Turn Your Struggling Into Strength, Your Suppression to Surrender, Your Suffering Into a Superpower, Serenity, and Spiritual Sustenance

Updated: May 17

The root of suffering lies in our stored impressions and unresolved emotional experiences from the past. We suppress, deny, and repress them, by pushing them down. Emotion is energy in motion. These blockages, which suppress our innate feeling of love and joy, form the personal mind, the ego, the psyche, and are the foundation of our self-concept, and form the basis of psychology. Your personal mind is always wrong.


Spiritual growth, evolution, and transformation is about learning to relax through the discomfort of cleansing, rather than having to control life to match our preferences in order to feel OK. Liberation happens by becoming a ‘letting go machine’, which, over time, allows us to align with our natural state: An eternal, loving. peaceful, abundant, conscious, blissful BEing. This is how you let go of suffering, struggling, and suppression of your emotions, by opening your heart to the unfolding experience that is life.


If you want to change the world, begin by changing your Self. Your actions will then set an example and inspire the change you wish to see. Mahatma Gandhi, a great spiritual BEing, said that “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”


Struggling and suffering
Struggling and suffering

Conflict

Do not allow your Self to be drawn into conflict. Persecutors masquerade as victims and they want to keep you that way in order to control you and make you suffer. This is the ‘Drama Triangle.’ The way to eliminating your suffering is to remain present, and to realise that no-one can make you a victim without your consent. You cannot win in life by hating or seeking to cause loss in someone else.

 

Preferences

Your psychology, your psyche, also known as your ego mind, is the sum of your learned experiences. This created and conditioned your ego , through your parents and society's expectations of you, to have preferences: These preferences are either to get what you want or to not get what you don’t want. 

 

When negative experiences came through, you held onto them and collected them inside you like a photo album of bad experiences: Rather than letting them pass through you. This is also known by psychologists as repression, suppression, or denial. This suppression means that we don't feel our feelings and let them go, so we bury negative experiences deep inside of us. They will inevitably resurface with pain, sometimes decades later, as they bubble over.


The beginning of the ‘Third Chinese Patriarch’ of Zen, written by Sengstan Hsin Hsin Ming, blending together Buddhist and Taoist teachings, reads:

 

“The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and Heaven and Earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish to see the Truth then hold no opinion for or against. The struggle of what one likes and what one dislikes is the disease of the mind.” Michael Singer, the author of ‘The Untethered Soul’, which is in my ‘Suggested Reading’ list, says that he prefers to say that “The Great Way is not difficult for those who prefer everything.”


Similarly, in Buddhist teachings, desire is considered to be the cause of all suffering. The Buddha's Four Noble Truths explain that suffering (dukkha) arises from this attachment to impermanent things, experiences, and negative thoughts, leading to dissatisfaction and the cycle of rebirth. By understanding and overcoming this craving, Buddhists believe they can achieve liberation from suffering. Desire, as a word, is a poor interpretation, as it brings connotations of passion. A better word would be preferences.


The mind is the ego. The self with a small ’s.’ As opposed to the real Self, the Soul. As the Buddhists say, the cause of all suffering is preference. The Zen passage above also fits with this. If you are able to stop being distracted by your preferences then you are Enlightened. This is the process of continuous, repeated acceptance and surrender, which are the absolute key components of any peaceful and joyful life. This transforms your suffering into serenity.


Amor Fati

In the brilliant book by Ryan Holiday on Stoic Philosophy ‘The Obstacle is The Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials in to Triumph’, he quotes the Latin ‘Amor Fati’, which means ‘love your fate’. When you encounter obstacles, challenges, and difficulties you may not only not be unhindered by them, but you may use them as catalysts for growth and transformation: To the point where you may love them. The situation is the way it needs to be in that moment. It’s not the situation that needs to change, it’s us. It's the struggle that creates the hero. This day, give thanks for your struggles and difficulties. Obstacles shape your Soul and release your glory.


Holiday says “We forget: In life, it doesn’t matter what happens to you or where you came from. It matters what you do with what happens and what you’ve been given… The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Never forget, within every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition… Focus on the moment, not the (perceived) monsters that may or may not be up ahead… Each time, you’ll learn something. Each time, you’ll develop strength, wisdom, and perspective. Each time, a little more of the competition falls away. Until all that is left is you: The best version of you… Blessings and burdens are not mutually exclusive... On the path to successful action, we will fail - possibly many times. And that’s OK. It can be a good thing, even. Action and failure are two sides of the same coin. One doesn’t come without the other. What breaks this critical connection down is when people stop acting - because they’ve taken failure the wrong way… See things for what they are. Do what we can. Endure and bear what we must. What blocked the path now is a path. What once impeded action advances action. The Obstacle is the Way.” When you have a goal, obstacles are actually teaching you how to get where you want to go - carving you a path. “The things which hurt,” Benjamin Franklin wrote, “instruct.” They also catalyse your evolution, growth, and transformation.



Perspective

Holiday wrote “Where the head goes, the body follows. Perception precedes action. Right action follows the right perspective… For all species other than us humans, things just are what they are. Our problem is that we’re always trying to figure out what things mean - why things are the way they are. As though the why matters. Emerson put it best: “We cannot spend the day in explanation.”... You know what’s better than building things up in your imagination? Building things up in real life.” Don’t waste time on false constructs… “How we interpret the events in our lives, our perspective, is the framework for our forthcoming response - whether there will even be one or whether we’ll just lie there and take it. Where the head goes, the body follows. Perception precedes action. Right action follows the right perspective… What matters most is not what these obstacles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure… Desperation, despair, fear, powerlessness - these reactions are functions of our perceptions. You must realise: Nothing makes us feel this way; we choose to give in to such feelings. Or, like Rockefeller, choose not to… The struggle against an obstacle inevitably propels the fighter to a new level of functioning. The extent of the struggle determines the extent of the growth. The obstacle is an advantage, not adversity. The enemy is any perception that prevents us from seeing this… Every negative has a positive. Push a negative hard enough and deep enough that it will break through into its counter-side... Just because your mind tells you that something is awful or evil or unplanned or otherwise negative doesn’t mean you have to agree. Just because other people say that something is hopeless or crazy or broken to pieces doesn’t mean it is. We decide what story to tell ourselves. Or whether we will tell one at all. Welcome to the power of perception. Applicable in each and every situation, impossible to obstruct. It can only be relinquished. And that is your decision.” Remember the Latin phrase ‘Vires acquirit eundo’ (we gather strength as we go).


Respond, don’t react

Holiday wrote “When we aim high, pressure and stress obligingly come along for the ride. Stuff is going to happen that catches us off guard, threatens or scares us. Surprises (unpleasant ones, mostly) are almost guaranteed. The risk of being overwhelmed is always there. In these situations, talent is not the most sought-after characteristic. Grace and poise are, because these two attributes precede the opportunity to deploy any other skill. We must possess, as Voltaire once explained about the secret to the great military success of the first Duke of Marlborough, that "Tranquil courage in the midst of tumult and serenity of Soul in danger, which the English call a cool head… Discipline in perception lets you clearly see the advantage and the proper course of action in every situation - without the pestilence of panic or fear… The Greeks had a word for this: Apatheia. It's the kind of calm equanimity that comes with the absence of irrational or extreme emotions. Not the loss of feeling altogether, just the loss of the harmful, unhelpful kind. Don't let the negativity in, don't let those emotions even get started. Just say: No, thank you. I can't afford to panic… Where one person sees a crisis, another can see opportunity. Where one is blinded by success, another sees reality with ruthless objectivity. Where one loses control of emotions, another can remain calm. Desperation, despair, fear, powerlessness - these reactions are functions of our perceptions. You must realise: Nothing makes us feel this way; we choose to give in to such feelings… You will come across obstacles in life - fair and unfair. And you will discover, time and time again, that what matters most is not what these obstacles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure.” 


Holiday continued "When people panic, they make mistakes. They become unresponsive and stop thinking clearly with calmness and intuition. They just react instead of responding. Fear is the mind killer." Clarity and calmness are superpowers.

 

Challenges lead to transformation


Fear leads us to the 3T's: Our task, our teachings, and our treasure. Challenges are more than simple lessons, they are transformative powers that serve us in our Soul's evolution. They are a crucible for change. Marianne Williamson wrote that "The challenges we face in life are always lessons that serve our Soul's growth.” Samuel Johnson wrote “Adversity has ever been considered the state in which a man most easily becomes acquainted with himself.” Every challenge, every adversity, contains within it the seeds of untapped opportunity, limitless growth, and transformation. It is the fire that purifies us. There is only one unforgivable sin in life: Not becoming who we truly are: Who we meant to be. William Shakespeare wrote that “It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in our Selves.”


We are never alone in the struggles of life. The world, no, the entire Universe, is with us. The Universe speaks to us. We evolve through the way we face and overcome the challenges of life. We use everything to our advantage. Nikola Tesla, the legendary inventor, wrote “I don't need help, I need challenges. The harder, the better. I work best when I'm in a struggle.” Don’t we all? Jalal Ad-Din Rumi wrote “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”


Albert Einstein wrote that “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity." Who am I to argue with the greatest scientist of all time, who was also a spiritual Master, who believed in miracles? He wrote that “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.“ I know which way I choose. Jean de la Bruyère wrote that “Out of difficulties grow miracles.”


I have learned that being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is always optional.

The real test of character is having the ability to meet challenges. They give us clarity on who we truly are. Louise L. Hay, the philosopher and spiritual teacher, wrote that “The gateways to wisdom and learning are always open, and more and more I am choosing to walk through them. Barriers, blocks, obstacles, and problems are personal teachers giving me the opportunity to move out of the past and into the Totality of Possibilities.”


People seldom want to walk over you until you lie down. And why would anyone want to lie down, when there is a world of possibility awaiting?


Molière, the greatest of a French authors, wrote that “The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.”


Timeless insights offer not only comfort but also practical strategies for thriving amidst the trials and tribulations of everyday life. As we explore these enduring philosophies, as well as positive psychology, and the realms of spirituality, we uncover the art of turning adversity into an opportunity for personal growth and inner peace, demonstrating that our responses to external challenges can define the quality of our lives far more than the challenges themselves. We will outgrow our problems. We worry about everything, but what if it all works out?


In our personal and professional lives, we are constantly hit with one adversity after the other, most of which we have no control over. But the four things we have total control over is how we respond, how we evolve, how we breathe, and how we take action. And we do take action, in our own time.


Open your heart

Welcome the unfolding of life. It is when we allow our hearts to close that we cannot feel our innate wellbeing flowing through us as energy.

 

Acceptance and surrender

Acceptance and surrender are the spiritual keys to building the process of your success. Acceptance and surrender are the essence of spirituality. But people regularly misunderstand what acceptance and surrender are. In physics, Newton and Einstein taught us that there is the Law of cause and effect. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Physical Laws are reflected in Natural Laws. The Natural Law of Karma follows the same principles as the Law of cause and effect. Nobody by themselves is causing things to happen. Physics, psychology, material sciences, biology, and chemistry, and other sciences are at play. Anything that you did, there were millions of causes prior to that of which your action was one of them. For you to say that you are the doer, and the cause of the Universe is totally unscientific. Every other person is doing things too. The world has existed for billions of years, and every single cause and effect contributes to life unfolding as it does. You are part of it, but you are a very small part of it. Anything you do there are reasons why you did it. There are no good or bad reasons, just reasons. Things happened because of the things that made them happen. Your past experiences affected the way that you acted. Experiences are your teacher. They teach you to evolve and grow. There is no single thing that anyone did that caused things to be the way they are. You have the right to learn from your mistakes. You did your best, based on what you knew. If you had known better, you would have done better. The results of the best that you can do are holy. There should be no guilt or shame. There is no such thing as bad Karma for the rest of your life.

 

You are a very great BEing. Start with reality. Reality is what unfolds in front of you because of all the forces that caused it to do that. Reality is what has already happened. No one can affect the past. Why? Because it already happened. Can you accept that? It just is. So, what will you do about what has happened? You have only two choices. Accept or resist. Acceptance doesn't mean that you like it or dislike it or that it is good or bad. Acceptance starts with - can you accept that it happened? If you can't accept reality that causes a lot of trouble, including for all those around you. The human mind (the ego) can't differentiate between liking or not liking it from accepting it. Acceptance happens prior to like or dislike. Spirituality means that you can accept that it happened. Just because you can accept that it happened doesn't mean that you don't want to do something about it. But if you can't accept that it happened you will try to have made it not happen, which is impossible as it has already happened. This is when you become stuck in psychological denial, repression, suppression, or rationalisation. The fundamental basis of spirituality is that reality comes in and you accept it. That's what acceptance is.

 

Surrender is that if something comes up in you and there is resistance to it you let go of that. Surrender is non-resistance. You have to surrender the part of you, the ego, that cannot accept reality, So that you can accept reality.

 

So, acceptance and surrender are inner states; not outer actions.

 

Choose to be your Higher Self rather than your ego

In the final battle, love (aka the soul) always wins. The ego dies despite it fearing not surviving. The Soul is the sole survivor in the ultimate battle between the ego and the Soul for reality, consciousness and Truth. The Soul does not need to battle for survival as it is eternal, and will always have the final word.


Hiral Nagda wrote “Let the ego lose so that the Soul can win.” Mahatma Gandhi said that “When the ego dies, the Soul awakes.” This is the journey, not just of your life, but also the journey that is your life.


Authors usually write that the ego reacts and the Soul responds. I prefer “The ego reacts, and the Soul creates.”


Conflict, blame, hatred, contraction, and lack come from the ego. Love, peace, joy, expansion, creativity, and abundance come from the Soul. 


If you are afraid, you cannot love. Fear is the language of the ego. Unconditional love is the language of the Soul. 


The Soul is the immensity of the ocean. The ego is a nasty, frothy, scummy, little bubble of disturbance in the froth on top of a single wave.


The Soul resides in the subconscious. Our life’s purpose is to make the Soul Self-aware and therefore bring the unconscious into the conscious. This is how we become whole, by integrating our inner child, shadow, and our Higher Self, to awaken our Soul and become authentic. 


The seat of your Soul

There is a metaphor that I use when facing challenges and struggles. Imagine always remaining seated at your centre, the seat of ease; the seat of your Soul. You are in your favourite place, with your favourite people. You remain calm despite the surrounding conflict going on outside of the window. Our tendency is to go outside and join the mêlée. The problem with that reaction is that it turns you into a suspect in the conflict, rather than a witness. Remain in witness consciousness. Consciousness is the most powerful force in the Universe.

 

Joy and love are an inside job and not meeting expectations: Drop any expectations

Joy is the Soul of happiness. There is always clear sky behind the clouds: Either blue sky or stars. Abraham Lincoln, the lawyer who famously fought episodes of deep depression yet became the President of the United States, said “Folks are usually about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Perhaps President Lincoln actually meant joy? Whereas feeling happiness is not a choice that we can make, joy, on the other hand, is a choice that is purposefully made.


Joy is a short word that unfolds and becomes expansive. Defining and unpacking joy is challenging and yet could not be more worthwhile. Happiness is the external layer of an emotion that you experience as it happens to you. Joy is more than just an emotion and comes from within you. Joy is not simply a feeling that happens. It’s not elation, jubilation or exhilaration - emotions that may be present with joy, that may seem like an expression of joy, but which don’t define joy. Joy is not happiness or even extreme happiness. Joy is something much grander than happiness.


Adela Rogers puts it beautifully “Joy seems to me a step beyond happiness - happiness is a sort of atmosphere you can live in sometimes when you’re lucky. Joy is a light that fills you with hope and Faith and love.” Unlike pleasure and satisfaction, joy does not have an opposite. There is no disjoy. There is unhappiness, but no unjoy. Joy is the Soul of happiness. Joy is of the soul, of the spirit. So, joy is related to happiness, but is not its twin. Joy’s twin, as Adela suggested, is love.


Happiness is conditional, transient, and fleeting. Joy on the other hand is unconditional, constant and transcending. Joy never leaves you. Joy doesn’t come and go – but our awareness of it can. Happiness is for the moment, whereas joy is in the moment, and experienced in true deep presence. Joy is a state of BEing. Happiness is ‘because of’. Joy is ‘in spite of’. People pursue happiness but go within to find joy. Happiness reacts. Joy endures hardship and trials and connects with meaning and purpose. Eckhart Tolle wrote “To know yourself as the BEing underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, Enlightenment.”

In the Bible, in James 1:2-4, he wrote “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” One does not need to follow any religion to be inspired by joy during adversity. Like love, joy is fearless and untroubled by the world. It is as if nothing in the world can tarnish or diminish the essence of joy. As such, it is free.


We all have the capacity to look within. It’s possible to experience joy in difficult times., whereas happiness isn’t present in darkness and difficulty. In its truest expression, joy transforms difficult times into blessings and turns heartache into gratitude. Rumi, the poet and philosopher wrote “Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take its place.”


Therefore, joy is a fundamental pillar of transformation, it is our constant companion, our inspiration, and our source of hope and love. Joy underpins all the other positive core values, such as love, service, authenticity, zest, compassion, peace, personal growth, and creativity: These are my core values. Joy is the energetic serenity that fuels our artistic drive and our drive to succeed in line with our core values. True joy is a limitless, life-defining, transformative reservoir waiting to be tapped into. Upon discovering joy, many people experience a greater sense of clarity and creativity that rushes through them. Joy can be the author of your life if you allow it to be.


While your happiness is accountable to your wishes, desires, and goals, joy is, has and always will live within you. With joy, self-esteem and self-respect are indestructible. Helen Keller wrote “One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar… Your success and happiness lies in you. Your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.” Because of this, aiming for joy is infinitely more beneficial in life, as it is less transitory than happiness and is not tied to external circumstances, judgements, or opinions. Happiness may be caused by luck, egocentric pleasures, dwells on the materialistic, and is not reliable. Bertrand Russell said “A happy life must be to a great extent a quiet life, for it is only in an atmosphere of quiet that true joy dare live.” I call this place of presence 'energetic serenity'. Eckhart Tolle calls this 'alert stillness'. Happiness tends to be externally triggered and is based on other things, people, places, events, and the intrusive thoughts that are triggered by them. Most people overemphasise the attractiveness of happiness and expect it to happen in the most grand way with fireworks and fairytales, especially in 'romantic' relationships. That is the basis of addiction – seeking a neurochemical high. With joy there is no craving for more, as it is enough. Percy Shelley said “I have drunken deep of joy, And I will taste no other wine tonight.” Joy is happiness without a reason – it doesn’t need a cause to exist. It comes when you make peace with who you are, why you are, and how you are. When you need nothing more than your Truth and the unconditional love of your Higher Self to bring peace and compassion then you have settled into the abiding joy that is not rocked by relationships or anything external to your self. So, happiness is a destination, whereas joy is an attitude. Happiness is future-oriented and it puts all its eggs in someone else's basket: This is never a good idea. Joy does needs you to connect though – this connection is often with other people or things in your lives, such as pets, hobbies, creative pursuits, and so on. So, it’s a connection, not an attachment. Think of your body as a world where happiness is like breezes, delightful, and inevitably pleasing, but joy is the ever-present oxygen, regardless of the wind. Happiness weighs heavily on our subconscious: When we don’t meet the expectations that we set for ourselves, it effects our happiness in the different areas of our lives. Joy carries no burden or expectations. The truth is that you are never going to experience true happiness unless you practice joy. You do not need to be happy to feel joy.


Only love will change the world. And only love is real. Fear is merely the absence of love.

To love is to listen. People feel truly valued when listened to. We all need an Enlightened Witness. This is why I love Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) so much.


Love, the Soul and consciousness are inseparable. None of these can be measured, but they are all deep Truth. Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it, and it can move mountains. Truly. But what is real love?


Spirituality (and by this I don't mean religion) is about becoming love. In Corinthians 16:14 “Let everything you do be in love.” Rumi wrote “In every religion there is love. Yet love has no religion.” St Francis of Assisi (well it wasn't actually him, but it's something he might have said) wrote “Lord, grant that I might not so much seek to be loved as to love.” 



Love is emotional musculature and can overcome any struggle or suffering.


Love is true wisdom and takes up where knowledge leaves off. You know that your highest intuitive thoughts and decisions are right when you think with joy, speak with Truth, and feel love in awareness. This is the 'seat of your Soul' and the only place that you should ever come from to succeed in every area of your life. Your heart tells you how to respond, whereas your mind shouts "React!" There is no need to get up from your seat and fight the world. Why go from being an observer to being a suspect? Every choice that you will make that will lead you to true success comes from this place, your heart: A loving heart is the truest wisdom. Love has reasons which even reason cannot understand. Real love is never wrong and love always conquers all. Love is the only true transcendent experience of Truth. Words are the least reliable purveyor of Truth. Truth cannot be put into words: It can only be felt and that feeling is love, which is the inward experience of your highest Self. Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up with loving wisdom as the monkey mind (as the Buddhists call it) empties. Love is the energy of the heart. To feel it you need to open and unblock your heart, drop out of your mind and into your heart: It always knows best. The giving of love is an education in itself. Only 'divine' love bestows the keys of wisdom: That is Soul love. The feeling of love may be more true than the words of Truth.


Emmet Fox, the author of the book 'The Sermon on the Mount' wrote “There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer: no dis-ease that love will not heal: no door that enough love will not open... It makes no difference how deep set the trouble: How hopeless the outlook: How muddled the tangle: How great the mistake. A sufficient realisation of love will dissolve it all. If you could only love enough, you could be the most powerful person in the world... Love is God and is therefore absolutely all-powerful. This is the scientific application of love, against which nothing evil can stand. It destroys the evil condition and, if a person is concerned, it sets him as well as you free. But to return hate for hate, curse for curse, or fear for aggression, has the effect of amplifying the trouble, much as a feeble sound is multiplied in volume by an amplifier. Meeting hatred with Love in the scientific way is the Royal Christ Road to freedom. This is the perfect method of Self-defence in all circumstances. It renders you absolutely invulnerable to any kind of attack.”


Love is the unseen but very real energy that underpins the entire Universe. Poets, philosophers and even many scientists like Einstein would agree. It is what can't be seen or identified by science, but that is a failure of science, not of love. Love is the ultimately powerful Universal force that includes and governs all others, and is even behind any phenomena operating in the Universe. I truly believe that it is what a unified theory of the Universe would look like: The power of love. Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the sun, the tides and gravity, we shall harness the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.


Love is light: It enlightens those who give and receive it. When we embody love, we are the most powerful BEing in the Universe.


Love is gravity, because it forms the strongest attraction between Souls. You can't blame gravity for falling in love.


Love is power, because it multiplies the best that we have, and allows humanity not to be extinguished in our blind selfishness, lack of compassion and dysfunctionality. There is no limit to the power of love. Mahatma Gandhi said “Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.” 


Love unfolds and reveals. Love strengthens and gives courage. Love knows not distance; it has no continent; its eyes are for the stars. Love is space and time measured by the heart. Love is how we glimpse the present moment and eternity at the same time. In every living thing there is the desire for love. Nobody has ever measured, not even poets or scientists, how much the heart can hold.


The Dalai Lama said “The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless your action will be.” Mahatma Gandhi wrote “Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the one derived from fear of punishment.”


Rumi wrote “Love is the bridge between you and everything.” Love is the walkway over the chaotic chasm that is life. All you need is real unconditional love, and your struggles and suffering disappear.

 

Only love is real: As it says in 'A Course in Miracles' that “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.” What that means is this: Love is real. It’s an eternal creation and nothing can destroy it. Anything that isn’t love is an illusion. Remember this, and you’ll be at peace.

 

Vulnerability is a superpower

Part of recovery means learning to share ourselves with other people. We learn to admit our mistakes and expose our imperfections - not so that others can fix us, rescue us, or feel sorry for us, but so we can love and accept ourselves. This sharing is a catalyst in healing and changing.

 

Many of us are fearful of sharing our imperfections because that makes us vulnerable. Some of us have tried being vulnerable in the past, and people tried to control, manipulate, or exploit us, or they made us feel ashamed.

 

Some of us in recovery have hurt ourselves by being vulnerable. We may have shared things with people who didn't respect our confidence. Or we may have told the wrong people at an inappropriate time and scared them away.

 

We learn from our mistakes - and despite our mistakes, it is still a good thing to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, open, and honest. We can learn to choose safe people with whom to share ourselves. We can learn to share appropriately so we don't scare or push people away. We can also learn to let others be vulnerable with us.

 

Today, be appropriately vulnerable. Do not let others exploit or shame you for being vulnerable, and do not exploit your Self.

 

Humility is a superpower

Most people go through life with pride and hubris and it is their downfall. Humility, even as we evolve is true power. Humility is power. Ambition and pride are traps set by the ego. The ego is not your amigo. The ego wants you dead. Truly. The flip side of pride and opposite end of the polarity is humility, usually defined in dictionaries as the absence of pride and the state of being humble. Lao Tzu wrote in the 'Tao Te Ching' that “All streams flow to the sea because it is lower than they are: Humility gives it its power. If you want to govern the people, you must place yourself below them. if you want to lead the people, you must learn how to follow them.”


Jesus was humble - he washed his Disciples feet. Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi were humble. Such humble spiritual Masters have always wielded infinitely more power than those who were full of pride. Who will remember Donald Trump in 2000 years? Martin Luther King Jr.'s own example of humility and service during his life contributed immeasurably to the achieving of his dream.


Rick Pitino said that "Humility is the true key to success. Successful people lose their way at times. They often embrace and overindulge from the fruits of success. Humility halts this arrogance and self-indulging trap. Humble people share the credit and wealth, remaining focused and hungry to continue the journey of success.


Have gratitude

You are a powerful creator. There is power in gratitude. Make of your life a work of art: The brilliant philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote that "The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude."


Gratitude is the manifestation and expression of the richness and beauty of your true Self. Henry Ward Beecher, the abolitionist, wrote "Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the Soul." The Greek fabulist Aesop wrote "Gratitude is the sign of noble Souls." Doris Day wrote that "Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty." Complaint comes from the ego, and gratitude comes from the Soul.


Ernest Hemingway wrote in 'The Old Man and the Sea' that "Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is." Theodore Roosevelt wrote "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."


Gratitude changes your perception from fear to love, thus changing your experience of life, and creating miracles. John Milton wrote that "Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."


You may be grateful for what you have.  And also you may be very grateful for who or what is no longer in your life.


Always have an attitude of gratitude. Eileen Caddy, my coach's mother, and spiritual teacher, wrote in 'Opening Doors Within' that “Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.”

The only answer the Universe knows is "Yes". Therefore, don’t ask and want for something in prayer - these are an expression appreciation and gratitude, not supplication. If you say "I want", the Universe will give you "I want." In other words it will give you lack. Assume it's already yours and give thanks. You have abundance.


Gratitude is like blowing on an ember, thus igniting a mighty fire. Michael Bassey Johnson wrote "In your darkest hour, give thanks, for in due time, the morning will come. And it will come with a ray of sunshine." It is always darkest before a blazing new dawn. Albert Schweitzer wrote "At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." This is the role of your Enlightened Witness.


Marcus Tullius Cicero wrote “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.” This includes love and joy, which are also parents of so many other values and virtues. Zig Ziglar wrote "Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for." This is key to manifesting abundance.


The German-born spiritual Master Eckhart Tolle wrote “It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up... Acknowledging the good that is already in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”


"Gratitude is the power to connect with the cosmos and harness its energy," Sukant Ratnakar wrote. Author Robin Sharma wrote, "The moment I stopped spending so much time chasing the big pleasure of life, I began to enjoy the little ones, like watching the stars dancing in a moonlit sky or soaking in the sunbeams of a glorious summer morning," in one of my favourite books on the transformative journey 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari.'


Arianna Huffington shared that "Living in a state of gratitude is the gateway to Grace." Grace is the reward that you receive from above when you do the inner work - it is like being touched lightly with a divine feather. Marilyn Wragg wrote "Through the lens of gratitude, we learn to see God’s Grace and mercy in all circumstances."


 

Real Personal Power

Marianne Williamson wrote "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing Enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."


Janet Hagberg wrote the brilliant book about the six stages of Real Personal Power called ‘Real Power: Stages of Personal Power in Organisations’. 


You see, when we are in Stage 3 Personal Power we think that we are at the top of our game. But we is stuck firmly in Stage 3 Personal Power. Our ego is actually preventing us from seeing that there are three more Stages to go until we reach the top (Stage Six). We are paralysed by fear and we don’t know it, and we believe that 'Power by Achievement' (Stage Three) is the pinnacle of power: Which is why we can't see that he only half way there. It's ok, it's not a judgement, it's merely an observation. We get in our own way. By playing 'King Baby' we can't even see that we are far from the Self, purpose and wisdom required to become the leader reflected by Yoda or Steve Jobs who are at Stage Six. At best, most of us are glued to believing that at Stage Three (Power by Achievement) aka ego, that we are at the top of our game. What keeps us there? Fear. We become addicted to success and external validation. They are not so dissimilar. The problem with addiction to external validation is that it comes from a place of lack, not abundance: It limits us: And our lives reflect that. I know, I was that person too. I hear you.


Real Personal Power is the kind of power you obtain after you come to the end of your own striving. Real power is transformative and changes the way you live and lead. Real power comes from within and emanates from a source greater than our own ego.


Janet Hagberg, after years of study, wrote her seminal book ‘Real Power: Stages of Personal Power in Organizations’ to inspire all those who wish to change into higher levels of Personal Power. The first step is to actually realise that we are powerless and limited by our own ego. We need to awaken. As Anais Nin wrote "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Life is a process of becoming." You have to want to change: No-one can oblige you.


Hagberg's book is more than just about Personal Power in organisations, it's about personal power in all of your life, and its lessons apply equally to all of us.


In his brilliant book 'A Shift in Being' Leon Vanderpol defines Personal Power as relating "To that from which you draw your sense of Self". By this he means your sense of who you are, your worth, purpose and power in this world. You are a Stage Six being, who's limiting beliefs (fears) keep you at Stage Three or below. Don't worry, everyone does this. But you don't have to, if you are ready to do the inner work.


Treat trauma

If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. If you find your Self reacting to stress as an adult, it is always due to childhood trauma, which requires treatment. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says that 90% of people will experience trauma in their childhood, but how do you heal from these devastating experiences? In the global bestselling book ‘The Body Keeps the Score: Mind Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma’, which is in my 'Suggested Reading' list, and is the ‘Bible' of trauma, Bessel van der Kolk explains how you get even with trauma. Bessel van der Kolk is Professor of Psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine and President of the Trauma Research Foundation. He was named the most influential psychiatrist of the 21st century in the 'Financial Times'. He says that “All trauma is preverbal”, meaning that it always results from childhood experiences. He extols the benefits of Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy in treating trauma and yoga (the body really does keep the score - so we also need a somatic approach to trauma), teaches about the link between screens and loneliness, and how trauma physically changes your brain, rewiring it. In the brain, just below the amygdala, changes in a way to make you always feel that you are in danger, by being activated all the time. The amygdala is the 'smoke detector, and following childhood trauma, it becomes activated, so that minor things as an adult causes massive triggering in you. EMDR has been scientifically proven in multiple meta-analyses of large randomised trials to be effective in trauma and other mental illnesses. Bessel van der Kolk explains that the medical community has misunderstood trauma. He says that your early traumatic childhood experiences become who you are. He says that trauma is "An overwhelming experience." Dr. Kolk says that trauma is when children were not seen, heard, or acknowledged for who they were, and that they felt abandoned emotionally, within the context of a dysfunctional family, without unconditional love, and the child may also have been sexually or physically abused. Trauma is typically intergenerational. He says that it is your perception which causes trauma as a child, not the external event. He explains in this podcast that trauma is a breakdown of the synchronicity with, and connection between, human beings. This loss of connection explains how haters are formed. When we believe that we are all one and have compassion for each other there is no hate, no ego, only love. Bessel van der Kolk explains that recovery also includes how people can establish a relationship to themselves. He also says that this involves changing people's thinking through 'cognitive restructuring'. One of the problems is that haters are not reasonable people, so they don't understand the truth that it is always the childhood trauma, not current circumstances, that subconsciously cause their emotional pain, until the trauma is treated. This is why their blame 'game' is misdirected at you, when in fact they should be looking within and working on themselves. Dr. Kolk says that they "See things through the lens of the past, which is nothing to do with your current experience." People who have had trauma are a ball of emotion, and there is no thinking, making them agitated, confused and befuddled. William Shakespeare used the term "Speechless terror." The way that haters come to define their inner experience is terribly important. Dr. Kolk says that trauma may also lead to addiction, such as alcoholism, as well as other mental illnesses such as depression (which may lead to suicide attempts) and physical diseases. This is the data from a large study with 25,000 patients. Trauma is the basis of how haters become the creatures that they are: Hurt people hurt people. Healed people heal people. Transformed people transform people. Healing means to become whole.

 

‘The Work’

“The Work”, as described by Byron Katie, involves asking four simple questions about each belief that causes us pain:


1.   Is it true?

2.   Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

3.   How do you react when you believe that thought?

4.   Who would you be without the thought?


After answering these questions, respondents are asked to come up with a 'turnaround,' a sentence expressing the opposite of what one believes. So, for instance, “He doesn’t understand me,” could become, “I don’t understand him,” or, “I don’t understand myself.”

I see “The Work” as a form of self-directed cognitive therapy. It has helped many thousands of people to get out of their mental ruts and to improve the quality of their lives.


Spirituality

The solution to all of your problems is spirituality. Trust me: I have tried everything else. 'Achievement', accolades, approval, validation and other external measures just don't work. They all eventually turn to dust, despite your massive efforts. Many people are put off as they believe that spirituality is the same as religion: It really isn't.


I was an atheist, at the start of my Transformative Journey four years ago. Now I realise how arrogant that was, despite being a scientist and a doctor. Spirituality is science that has not caught up yet. As Albert Einstein, the greatest scientist of all time, wrote "I do not share the crusading spirit of the professional atheist whose fervour is mostly due to a painful act of liberation from the fetters of religious indoctrination received in youth. I prefer an attitude of humility corresponding to the weakness of our intellectual understanding of nature and of our own BEing... My 'religion' consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind." If it's good enough for Einstein...


Marcus Aurelius wrote that "The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look at things in the face and know them for what they are."


Spirituality is looking within one's Self. That's it. It's the journey from the overactive mind (the ego) into the open heart (the integrated, courageous, authentic, vulnerable, Higher Self).


As Galileo Galilei wrote "You can ’t teach anybody anything, only make them realise the answers are already inside them.” Your heart tells you everything that you need to know. It speaks Truth, through feeling joy, peace and love.


Lisa S. wrote that "Spirituality is the awareness that survival is a savage fight between you and yourself."


Every religion is spiritual. Spirituality is not always religion.


Friedrich Nietzsche, the philosopher and one of the greatest minds of our time, wrote "No one can construct for you the bridge upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life, no one but you yourself alone." Mahatma Gandhi said "As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world, as in being able to remake ourselves." You must take the Hero's Journey into your soul. So, where do we start? We need a guide: An Enlightened Witness.


As Marianne Williamson says in her book 'Tears to Triumph' "Everyone is on a spiritual journey: Most people just don’t know it." She continued “Spirituality isn't some quaint stepchild of an intelligent worldview, or the only option for those of us not smart enough to understand the facts of the real world. Spirituality reflects the most sophisticated mindset, and the most powerful force available for the transformation of human suffering.” 

Spirituality is the most powerful yet painful Journey that you will ever take: But also the most worthwhile. Spirituality's aim is the process of re-formation, which 'Aims to recover the original shape of man.' It is concerned with the deepest values and meanings by which people live. It is the source of all your Superpowers.


The term spirit means "Animating or vital principle in human beings." It is derived from the Old French espirit, which comes from the Latin word spiritus (Soul, courage, and vigour) and is related to spirare (to breathe). The reason that there is no agreed consensus on what it is, is that it is such a personal experience, and it is a Truth, a knowing, that is felt and not possible to put it into words. There are only two things we must do in life for wellbeing: Breathe and feel.


Beliefs are decisions

There is neuroscience to transformation. You can use your mind to literally rewire your brain through the power of decision. Decision relates to your beliefs. The 'Decision Matrix' can assist us with this. We will also explore the cause of human suffering and how to become a phenomenon.


Rewiring your brain, or neuroplasticity, refers to the brain's ability to reorganise itself by forming new connections throughout life, allowing for learning, a change in your beliefs (and subsequent thoughts, emotions, and action responses), adaptation, healing, and recovery from injury or all forms of emotional trauma. It can also powerfully affect your dysregulated nervous system to one that is at peace: I speak from personal experience.


If you look at the anatomy, the structure, the function, there's nothing in the Universe that's more beautiful, that's more complex, than the human brain. Rewiring your brain will change your life. It is not always clear whether the old wiring is eliminated or 'wired over', but in any case the result is a total transformation of who you are BEing in any life situation, whether it be at work, in all your relationships, emotionally, psychologically, in overcoming negative beliefs and thinking, and in terms of your spiritual development and Real Personal Power. Isn't it time to daily deflate your ego and rewire your brain into your Higher Power?


Repeatedly redirecting negative thoughts to positive or neutral physically rewires the brain, weakening connections associated with negativity. This is a daily decision or choice. Sadhguru said “Thoughts and emotions come from the same source. Thoughts are the dry expressions of the mind, emotions are juicy."


Beliefs are decisions.


The limitless belief is quite simply the opposite of a limiting belief. It’s also a great remembering of who you truly are. If you are stuck on finding your limitless belief, simply take the opposite of your limiting beliefs, and ask your Self the question “What would love do now?”


To be afraid (in other words, reacting from ego - for fear is the language that the ego speaks) means to fail. Ego states are far from bliss: They are a blight on the mind. Fearlessness (responding from the state of your Higher Power) leads to transformation, which leads to more fearlessness: And the cycle continues, as success continues to unfold for you. The decision to react from ego or to respond from your Higher Self is a choice. Choosing the higher path is a deep belief in your higher energy, which is your divine spiritual blueprint, in your birthright, and in your fearlessness. You were born to respond and not to react: In fact you have an innate response–ability to do so. The reason you don’t is that fear was conditioned into you by your parents and by society. Sadhguru said that “External circumstances can only cause you physical pain. Suffering is created in your mind… Fear, anger, resentment, and stress are poisons you create in your mind. If you take charge of your mind, you can create a chemistry of blissfulness." Buddha said that "You have two choices: to control your mind or let your mind control you."


If you live in fear you will not be able to solve your problems: You will see non-problems as problems and you will experience confusion, illusion, and chaos.


FEAR stands for forgetting everything about reality. This is where most people are operating from when dealing with the ‘challenges’ of their lives.


Jesus said in Matthew 6:27 that "Who adds one cubit to their stature by worrying?"


Any problem can be solved, but only if you bring enough Higher Power to the problem. You can’t see your way through as you are not bringing enough energy, power, and clarity to the problem. 


All change occurs from a powerful state of BEing. How do you know when you are in this state? Because you are creating, realising that none of your limiting beliefs are true, quite the opposite, and you feel good: You feel joy, peace, love, and you are totally energised. You have chosen to be your Higher Power. You are communing with God. You have chosen your highest possibility. This is no less than the journey from ego to Self. And it is a choice.


Breathe, relax, and slow down

Breathe, relax, and slow down. In our personal and professional lives, we are constantly hit with one adversity after the other, most of which we have no control over. So, we think that we need to constantly hustle and be determined to stay afloat in the storm. But the four things we have total control over is how we respond, how we evolve, how we breathe, and how we take action. And we do take action, in our own time.

 

You are being presented with a choice: Evolve or remain.

 

If you choose to remain unchanged, you will be presented with the same challenges, the same routine, the same storms, the same struggles, the same situations, until you learn from them, until you love yourself enough to say ‘no more’, until you choose change.

 

If you choose to evolve, you will connect with the strength within you, you will explore what’s outside of the comfort zone, you will awaken to love, you will become, you will be. You have everything you need. Choose to evolve. Choose to be your Higher Self rather than your ego.

 

Spiritual equations

Here are my top 6 spiritual equations that will change your life:


Suffering = pain x resistance

Suffering is optional. We just have to accept and not resist. If we have zero resistance then we don't suffer.


Meher Baba, the great spiritual Master, said “Man minus mind equals God.” Our mind comes from our ego. The ego is a liar. For me the journey of healing and recovery is going from egocentric fear to being open, honest, vulnerable, and living from our heart instead of our mind. That journey is the result of fellowship and connection with others, the spiritual experience and having a relationship with my Higher Power.



Grace is greater than your fear and also greater than your sins. The only sin is not becoming who you truly are.


Passion + calling = life purpose

When you are called to your life purpose, rather than being driven by insatiable desires, life becomes so much easier. You suddenly have all the energy and passion that you need to succeed. What is your divine purpose?


Last but definitely not least: Love is greater than fear means… Choosing to bloom even when the ground feels unsteady. Speaking Truth even when your voice trembles. Opening your heart even when the world says, “protect it.” Trusting the path even when you cannot see the way. Fear binds: Love frees. Fear contracts: Love expands. Fear lies, attacks, runs, hoards, hides, and harms. Love stays, reveals, shares, and heals.


Fear is merely the absence of love. Love is the only reality and is the greatest power in the world. Love is choosing to be your true Self, with openness, integrity and authenticity and standing in that Truth regardless of attacks by one's own ego or that of others. Fear hides behind a mask of shame.


What you are capable of = Infinite possibility - Your perceived limitations

Your perceived limitations all come from your 'monkey mind,' the ego: Which is the terrified 7-year old you that the world never allowed to grow up. Perceived limitations are erroneous negative thoughts. Infinite possibility is the miracle that happens when you only entertain thoughts from the voice of your highest Self. A belief is an on-off switch for what’s possible.


Presence

Presence is a state of inner spaciousness. There is power in presence. When I am present, I ask: How do I respond to the needs of this situation, or of this moment? In fact, I don't even need to ask the question. I am still, alert, and open to what is. Presence brings a new dimension into the situation: Space. Then I look and listen. Thus, we become one with the situation. When, instead of reacting against a situation we merge with it, the solution arises out of the situation itself. Actually, it is not me, the person, who is looking and listening, but the alert stillness itself. Then, if action is possible or necessary, I take action or, rather, the right action happens through me. Right action is action that is appropriate to the whole. When the action is accomplished, the alert, spacious, and stillness remain. 


Jesus said about presence in Matthew 6:34, that “Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.”


Open your heart

Open your heart. Welcome the unfolding of life. Accept and surrender to the present moment.

 

Joy and love are an inside job and not meeting expectations. Drop your expectations.

 

Pray

Upon wakening, the very first thing that I do, before I even open my eyes, is to pray. Prayer is a form of asking, whereas meditation is hearing God’s intuitive advice. My prayers are not supplicative, but rather prayers of gratitude: It assumes that what one is asking for has already been given. Prayer is the asking, the Holy Spirit is the smartphone to God, and meditation is the response. My daily prayer is the step three prayer:


“God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always!”


Bill Wilson wrote in 'As Bill Sees It' that "In praying, we ask simply that throughout the day God place in us the best understanding of His will that we can have for that day, and that we be given the Grace by which we may carry it out. There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakeable foundation for life." We were brought to our knees in order to pray.


Meditate

Meditation really is a superpower. It does many things. It drops me into a place of total presence. It allows me to respond rather than react. It makes me calm, so that I have the clarity, without fear, to know my next right step. Meditation allows us to connect with the intuition of Universal intelligence, an intelligence and wisdom that is far greater than our own. Seneca wrote “To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength and burden.”


I listen for the voice of my Higher Power, which is heard as the quiet voice of intuition in the stillness and silence that comes, rather than the loud, brash voice of the ego, which screams in your ear as it is terrified of its dissolution through you developing awareness. Meditation allows me to make the choice to drop my ago and embrace my Higher Power. Stephen Richards wrote that “When you connect to the silence within you, that is when you can make sense of the disturbance going on around you.” Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati wrote “Quiet the mind and the Soul will speak.”


Mindfulness, which is peace in every moment, and is meditation throughout the day, has a scientific basis, like meditation, and both actually cause changes in your brain. Breathwork during meditation helps me to slow down, pause, and respond intelligently. Herman Hesse wrote that “Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.”


Don’t carry resentments

I don’t resent anyone. I let go of this burning coal as I know that it will only burn me. As Oscar Wilde wrote “Love your enemies - nothing will annoy them more.” Even when life challenges us, it's a gift beyond all measure. Forgiveness is freedom. So, to all those who have tried to hurt me, thank you.


Action

Move out of limbo. Face your fears. Carl Jung said that “What you resist not only persists, it grows in size.”

 

What would love do now?

In this situation, simply ask the question "What would love do now?" This will always give you the optimal guidance. William Godwin wrote “ Love conquers all difficulties, surmounts all obstacles, and effects what to any other power would be impossible.”


Choose who you become

This really is a gift. For me it’s two choices - the first one, about doing the right thing, is when I wake up every day and, through prayer and meditation, I can choose either to be my ego or to make conscious contact with my Higher Power. Our ego, our fear, which is the language of the ego, and our spiritual dis-ease, all tell me that I don’t have a choice and that the only answer is to remain in egocentric fear. The other choice we have is to make a decision to only have empowering beliefs as opposed to our limited beliefs. Positive beliefs lead to thoughts, thoughts lead to emotions, which lead to actions, and then results. By doing the inner work I now have the Self-assurance to make these choices and therefore to get positive results. Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new centre of gravity. Don't fight them. Just find a new way to stand. We always have a choice. It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.


Let go of outcomes

I take intuitive action from a place of presence then let go. The outcome is what it is. I don’t judge. A yes is the same as a no. And then I take the next right action. I know that this "This too shall pass" All challenges are temporary. Transformation is permanent. One you wake up you can’t go back to sleep. Jimmy Dean said that "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.


It’s OK to be angry

Use assertive anger and protect the ones you love unconditionally. Sometimes, facing struggles can be messy. Don’t let it touch them. At the same time as being angry, don’t carry hatred, and face your struggles from a place of peace and serenity.

 

Choose to be a victor, not a victim

Insisting on identifying yourself as a victim impedes all growth, evolution, and transformation. Response flexibility is limited as a result of trauma. Response flexibility is the ability to choose how we address challenges. The psychologist Rollo May said that “Human freedom involves our capacity to pause between stimulus and response. And in that pause to choose the one response towards which we wish to throw our weight. Trauma robs us of that freedom.” I get over this by choosing vulnerability and victory over victimhood, and by taking time to respond rather than react.


Paulo Coelho wrote “When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”



I now know that 'This too shall pass"

The saying 'This too shall pass' is believed to be based on a Persian adage passed down throughout time and made famous in 1852 with Edward Fitzgerald’s “Solomon’s Seal”. The fable retold by FitzGerald usually involved a nameless "Eastern monarch". Its origin has been traced to the works of Persian Sufi poets, such as Rumi, Sanai, and Attar of Nishapur. Attar records the fable of a powerful King who asks assembled wise men to create a ring that would make him happy when he was sad. After deliberation the sages hand him a simple ring with the Persian words "This too shall pass" etched on it, which had the desired effect.


Philosopher Voltaire used a similar mantra in his book, 'Candide': "Tout passera." It’s French for ‘everything passes’. When life feels unbearable, remember what you feel is temporary. It keeps me sane.


The Stoics, like Marcus Aurelius, taught that change is the nature of life. He saw everything as temporary. “The Universe is change; life is opinion,” he wrote. To him, nothing deserved total despair. The idea goes back centuries. Ancient philosophers, poets, and spiritual leaders all spoke of it. Buddhists taught it. “Attachment is the root of all suffering,” Buddha said. Acceptance, like non-resistance, is a superpower and it is the answer to all of our problems. Our suffering is calculated by the spiritual equation pain suffering equals pain times resistance. Realise deeply that there are no difficulties in life, only imagined ones.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like,” notes spiritual teacher Lao Tzu, who wrote 'The Tao Te Ching".


If I ever get a tattoo it will be "This too shall pass" as it is a spiritual Truth that everyone must live by. Nothing lasts forever, nothing. We come to know that everything heals.

Know that all is well and shall be well

 

Other people trying to make you suffer

Know that if other people are tying to cause you to suffer that it’s about them, not you. If people are trying to hurt you it’s because they are just going through their process, which has nothing to do with you, however much they are trying to project onto you. 


If someone tries to trip us up or criticise us, it’s never about us: It’s about them. It's not a me issue, it's a you issue. This is the psychological process called ‘projection.’ We don’t owe them anything, either financially or in terms of amends. It is not for us to carry their emotional baggage, just because they have not done any of the inner work required to heal and be able to carry it themselves or to resolve it. If they took time to do the necessary inner spiritual work then they would not be so dissatisfied with their lives, they would stop projecting on others and stop looking outside for joy. Carl Jung wrote that during challenges “The world will ask you who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you.” Most people don’t know anything about you or who they truly are themselves. So they project what they most dislike in themselves onto you. This was described by Carl Jung as ‘projection’, which is a very real psychological phenomenon. This is the domain of internet trolls, tabloid hacks, and gossip-junkies. It impresses the importance of you finding out who you are, so that you can tell them, or even better, so that you are so Self-assured that you don’t even feel the need to tell them. What people think of you is none of their business and it’s none of your business either - simply ignore the background noise. It’s just static. The key is to take ownership of your identity and to ‘know thyself’.


Carl Jung wrote that “Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.” It is only for God to judge: No-one else. Judging requires no wisdom or brainpower. Judgement is an addiction. Judgement is the antithesis of compassion, which is what the world needs more than ever. We are stuck in a pandemic of judgement right now. Why don’t you try giving it a rest if your brain is not up to it? It’s a persecutor mentality masquerading as a victim. Just leave the drama behind. The reality is far more complex. People are unique, with different stories and motivations. Judging shuts down the possibility of genuine connection and understanding. And it’s pretty dumb.


Our inner critic, by default, agrees with people who criticise us as it evolved during our childhood when we were conditioned by our parents and society. We are not responsible for other people’s emotional baggage load of emotional pain. We are only responsible for our own emotional pain. We let go of Self-blame. The great philosopher Epictetus wrote that “Common and vulgar people ascribe all ills that they feel to others; people of little wisdom ascribe to themselves; people of much wisdom, to no-one.“ He continued that “To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.” Those who criticise us have skeletons bursting out of their closets. Ignore them. Zig Ziegler wrote “Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember - the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” Does that sound familiar? Norman Vincent Peale wrote “Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven't half the strength you (or they) think they have.

Toxic, lost, fearful people who try to send you obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them, they are liable to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight" like the snakes that they are. Let the dead leaves drop. They will rot.



Emile Zola wrote "We are like books. Most people only see our cover, the minority read only the introduction, many people believe the critics. Few will know our content."


Have courage and know your strength

It takes courage to endure the sharp pains of Self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives. It’s like taking out a thorn from your finger: There is a short sharp pain that lasts a moment, as opposed to a protracted pain if you leave it in. Our courage enables us to overcome our fears: Fear is the mind-killer. You are stronger than you know.


Know that miracles are real

Claim miracles and during prayer thank God for them. Marianne Williamson said “No matter what the problem, a miracle can solve it. Remember to ask for one… With every thought we think, we either summon or block a miracle... There is no such thing as a faithless person; we either have Faith in the power of love, or Faith in the power of fear. For Faith is an aspect of consciousness. Have Faith in love, and fear will lose its power over you. Have Faith in forgiveness, and your self-hatred will fall away. Have Faith in miracles, and they will come to you… Imagine the week ahead unfolding in an ever-increasing flow of miracles. Allow the image to sink into your heart. Receive it with a big yes!.. A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love -from a belief in what is not real, to Faith in that which is. That shift in perception changes everything... Behind every fear, there is a miracle waiting... With every thought we think, we either summon or block a miracle. It is not our circumstances, then, but rather our thoughts about our circumstances, that determine our power to transform them."


Let's forgive the past and who we were then. Let's embrace the present and who we're capable of becoming. Let's surrender the future and watch miracles unfold... In any moment, in any circumstance, a miracle will occur when we align ourselves with Truth... Miracles begin when we consider the possibility that there might be another way... The way of the miracle-worker is to see all human behaviour as one two things: Either love, or a call for love. The Universe is either expressing a miracle or is pregnant with the next one. As we become purer channels for God's light, we develop an appetite for the sweetness that is possible in this world. As miracle workers, we are not geared toward fighting the world that is, but toward creating the world that could be. We imagine the week ahead unfolding in an ever-increasing flow of miracles. We allow the image to sink into our hearts. We receive it with a big yes!” We may find miracles in places that seemed barren and insignificant and even in our darkest of places. That is where we will find our Higher Power and the solution to all challenges.


Marianne Williamson, the great supporter of ‘A Course In Miracles’ (ACIM), said in 'Tears to Triumph' “Consider the possibility now that anything could happen. I’m not asking you to believe this, but only to consider that it might be true. Simply thinking this thought - that miracles are possible - does more to pave the way for your healing than you can imagine. It opens the door to a realm of infinite possibilities, regardless of what you have been through or what you are going through now... Prayer is the medium of miracles." 


ACIM suggests that prayer and meditation are essential in creating miracles “Prayer is a way of asking for something. It is the medium of miracles” and “In quietness are all things answered”, in other words meditation. ACIM continues “The miracle comes quietly into the mind that stops an instant and is still… The Christ in you is very still. He knows where you are going, and He leads you there in gentleness and blessing all the way.”


Marianne Williamson says that 'A Course in Miracle's tells us that although "We think that without the ego, all would be chaos, the opposite is true. Without the ego, all would be love." In her book ‘Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey From Suffering to Enlightenment’ Williamson says that “Miracles are thoughts”. She says that a miracle is a “Shift from identifying with the suffering self (the ego), to a shift to identifying with the spiritual Self (our Soul or Higher Power). We replace a mental filter that ensures our pain with a mental filter that delivers us from pain. She says that "Miracles arise from conviction. Be convicted about these things: Miracles can happen. Miracles do happen. Love makes them happen." She adds “A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love - from a belief in what is not real, to Faith in that which is. That shift in perception changes everything.

 

Look inwards

It’s never the external situation, it’s how I digest it and how I handle it. We have power over our minds – not outside events. If we realise this, we will find strength. I realise that often the solution that I think of when I react is actually the problem. Whenever I can, I respond in my own time. And then the solution that comes is the solution. Epictetus wrote “Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and to invoke our own inner resources. The trails we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths. Prudent people look beyond the incident itself and seek to form the habit of putting it to good use. On the occasion of an accidental event, don’t just react in a haphazard fashion: Remember to turn inward and ask what resources you have for dealing with it. Dig deeply. You possess strengths you might not realise you have. Find the right one. Use it.


I came to know that I can overcome any challenge when I believe that I can handle it

I can overcome any challenge when I believe that I can handle it. This is when I collect positive thoughts, which lead to positive emotions, which lead to positive actions, and thence to positive results, even if we don’t get the result we expected. This is how I avoid collecting negative experiences, as I would bad photos in an album, in a feedback loop, which would reinforce my negative beliefs about what I am capable or incapable of. This process literally rewires your brain, rapidly, with synaptic pruning of our previous hard-wired negative thought processes, erasing them from our neurocircuitry. This leads to us becoming Self-aware and re-engineers our reality. Have limitless beliefs a instead of limiting beliefs and you will turn your brain into a supercomputer. Theodore Roosevelt said “Believe you can and you're halfway there."


Roy T. Bennet wrote “Be the kind of person who dares to face life's challenges and overcome them rather than dodging them.” If you saturate your mind with positive thoughts, it will sustain you in any situation. Bette Davis said that “The key to life is accepting challenges. Once someone stops doing this, he's dead.” We can master life and learn the art of handling everything.


I know who walks beside me: I have Faith

Dr Wayne Dyer said "If you knew who walked beside you at all times on the path that you have chosen, you could never experience fear or doubt again." This quote suggests to me that recognising the presence of a Higher Power or guiding force eliminates worry and doubt. It implies that having Faith and awareness of a divine presence can lead to inner peace and confidence in my journey as I face obstacles. Faith is the power of miracles.

Sometimes we bring to a struggle or cause the gifts we see most clearly, a courage, a strength, or a charm others have told us we have. But often we find more is asked of us than that, more than we intended or thought we possessed. We are asked to offer that which we thought dearest, to forgive what seemed unpardonable, to face what we feared the most and endure it. Sometimes we have to travel to the last step a path that was not of our own choosing. But I promise you this... It will lead to a greater joy in the end. The difficulty is that the end is beyond our sight, it is a matter of Faith, not of knowledge. In 2 Corinthians 4:18 it states "We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." Jesus said “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” Saint Augustine said "Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this Faith is to see what you believe." Challenges arrive to test your Faith and expand your limitless potential. It doesn’t matter what’s coming at us. God defeated it before it ever left wherever it was coming from. God brings us to our knees so that we may pray. In Hebrews 13:6 it states “Let your Faith be bigger than your fears.” Swami Vivekananda wrote “You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual.  There is no other spiritual teacher than you own Soul.”



When we surrender to the Universe, and realise our powerlessness without it, is the beginning of Real Personal Power. Let go of control, it is the opposite of Faith. Surrender to the Universe. Elbert Hubbard wrote “God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas but for scars.” C. S. Lewis said that “Life with God is not immunity from difficulties, but peace in difficulties.”


 
 
 

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