olivierbranford
- Sep 18, 2023
- 11 min read

Fear

Updated: 2 hours ago

The Four Letter F-Word That Rules and Ruins Our Life Until We Realise That It Doesn’t Have To

Fear is the power of our minds turned against ourselves. Fear is our self-hatred posing as self love.

Do you live in constant fear? Maybe a low-level anxiety, maybe more than that – occasional or frequent terror? To a level that you are glued to the ceiling with fear at times or even most of the time? To the point that you would do anything to get out of it? What is the solution to fear? The answer doesn’t lie in numbing it using people, places, things, or other substitutes.

Fear is the language of the ego. Feeling is the language of the soul.

Fears: You needn't dwell there, although they teach us where we next need to grow

It has been shown in studies that over 90 percent of fears never happen. So, worrying works – most of the things that you worry about never occur. Even if they do, as Eckhart Tolle reminds us, “This, too, will pass.” Fears are not facts.

The Dalai Lama said "We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."

Fear and Faith do not live in the same house. As the story goes: "Fear knocked on the door. Faith answered: There was no-one there."

Abhaya, a Sanskrit word meaning fearlessness and protection, is symbolised by the mudra – hand gestures or positions, often depicted in statues, with one hand raised and one palm facing up in the lap. The term suggests that being fearless is a function of having Faith - knowing that you are and always will be protected, and that things will turn out OK in the end because of your belief. As Rumi put it, "Everything is rigged in your favour."

The 'Bhagavad Gita', also known as the 'Gita', one of the best known and most famous of Hindu texts, which was written over 2,500 years ago, describes fearlessness as one of 26 divine qualities of Lord Krishna. In the Gita, Krishna advises the young warrior Arjuna, "Be fearless and pure; never waver in your determination or your dedication to the spiritual life."

The Bhagavad Gita in 90 seconds

In many traditions, Faith - whether religious, spiritual or simply the Faith that everything will work out - is a time-worn antidote to fear and anxiety.

A Course in Miracles states “If you only knew who walked beside you at all times, on this path that you have chosen, you could never experience doubt or fear again.”

You can find peace by:

Letting go of resentment and judgement, especially of yourself and having Self-compassion. Non-judgement is essential to surrender: This involves letting go of attempts to control people, places and things, which is also called emotional sobriety. It means surrendering to trusting in a Universal Intelligence and surrendering to love. It means creating space inside us to connect with ourselves, others and a Higher Power.
Non-resistance, which is acceptance of what is, which brings space and the transcendance of conditioning.
Non-attachment, which is letting go of thoughts and emotions that create suffering.

Research has linked spirituality with lower stress levels and improved immune system functioning, and prayer has been associated with reduced depression and anxiety. Finding deep presence in the now as a result of looking within is a spiritual solution to fear.

Rumi said “Put your thoughts to sleep, do not let them cast a shadow over the moon of your heart. Let go of thinking.” If you don’t attach your self to your fearful thoughts, you won’t get the negative feedback of fear, an emotion, which is simply a comment by your body on the negative quality of your thinking. Fear is not your friend. Ease is not your enemy.

Fear is courage coming home.

Plato said "Courage is knowing what not to fear." Indeed, he reminds us that "Nothing in the affairs of men is worthy of great anxiety." He also said about bravery that "Courage is a kind of salvation."

But fears may be useful. They tell us what we need to work on in order to transform. Carl Jung said “Find out what a person fears most and that is where he will develop next.” So, fear may be the pointer to where you may grow the most. Joseph Campbell said about the 'Hero's Journey' “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek... We must let go of the life we have planned, in order to accept the one that is waiting for us... Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”

Carrying your cross as Jesus did precedes awakening and 'resurrection' of your divinity and Higher Self. There is no bliss without suffering first. Awareness of your fears allows us to dip below the surface in Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Or more precisely, it brings your fears above the surface, so that we can see that they all come from you. George Addair, the entrepreneur, said “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” This fits with the goal of TLC, which is that as your achievement in life is the subtraction from your goals of your limiting assumptions: If you remove the limiting assumptions, your fears, you are left with a creative force that can achieve any goal, once you raise your level of consciousness to the level required. Your fears are thoughts, largely coming from your frightened inner child’s inevitable reaction to having to deal with an adult world, with our inner critic constantly nit-picking and judging us as we try to navigate our life. If the adult you always shows up, you can leave your inner child to supervised play and shrink or discard that inner critic as you connect with your voice and your suppressed rage.

Many thought leaders have advised us to try to overcome fear and push on. Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady and civil rights supporter, said “Do one thing every day that scares you.” But with TLC, you can do one thing every day without fear. Nelson Mandela, revolutionary and political leader, said “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Similarly, Emmet Fox gave us a call to courage and action: “Do it trembling if you must, but do it!” Anaïs Nin, writer, echoed “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’ s courage.” Mark Twain, author and entrepreneur, wrote “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.” John Wayne, actor, film maker and icon, said “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.” But, do you need to be a brave cowboy? Do we need to live in fear, even if we can overcome it? Perhaps if we reframe fear, by thinking about our thinking, as described previously, we can live fearlessly. So, I have to say I disagree with all these quotes. What if you could go through life doing the things that you want to do, in line with your core values, without fear. That is the transformation that is accessible with TLC.

Inaction fuels fear. Dr Henry Link wrote "We generate fears while we sit. We overcome them by action. Fear is nature's was of warning us to get busy." Eleanor Roosevelt wrote "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along."

The experience, where you dive into life, is where you overcome your fear. For example, for someone who is afraid of flying, the fear often disappears when the airplane takes off.

Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher who taught that philosophy is a way of life and not simply a theoretical discipline, said “Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.”

Similarly, Michel De Montaigne wrote "He who fears he shall suffer: He already suffers from what he fears."

Fear comes from our egocentric attempts to control the outside world, but we know deep down that we can’t. Does that resonate? Eckhart Tolle writes “This is my secret, I don't mind what happens.” Acceptance brings the peace that passes all understanding. Fear does not live in the present. So, by being present in the moment, we don’t need to think or feel afraid. The acronym FEAR is best expanded as 'Face Everything And Rise ' or 'False Evidence Appearing Real.' Fear is a liar. Anxiety is a liar. The ego is a liar. Trauma is a liar. Paul Coelho wrote “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: The fear of failure.” Fear is a waste of time: Matthew 6:25-34 wrote in the Bible “Therefore do not worry about your life… Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

Fear itself is like a rocking chair – it keeps you busy but gets you nowhere. Fear is as useful as a chocolate teapot. If you are not your thoughts, as you will realise when you become self-aware, remember that nobody can hurt you without your permission. Marcus Aurelius said “You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realise this and you will find strength.” Eckhart Tolle echoed “All problems are illusions of the mind.” Marie Curie, the physicist, chemist and twice Nobel Prize winner, advised “Nothing in life is to feared, it is only to be understood.” Now is the time to understand more so that you may fear less. Simply understand that fear is just an intrusive thought and is not reality. Fear is an invisible prison created by our own minds that prevents us seeing past problems.

Many of us live unaware of how our deepest unresolved subconscious terrors, traumas and challenges of early life - fear of abandonment, of not being loved, of not being worthy, fear of failure and of not surviving - show up in our life as 'invisible lions.' This concept was elucidated by Benjamin Fry, psychotherapist, author and entrepreneur, who wrote that fear is an appropriate response to a threat that has long gone – hence the ‘invisible lion.’ We are afraid of something that no longer exists. Robin Sharma says “Worry drains the mind of its power and, sooner or later, it injures the soul.” Love is fearless and so is joy. But what's love got to do with it? The Dalai Lama said “The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless you become.” If we can get out of our selves and live a life of purpose where we give service to others, with love, then we lose our fear.

Perhaps you are scared of your own power? Is that your source of fear? You feel an energy, a drive, an unstoppable determination to succeed within you. But, if you could harness this as a force for good, you would become powerful and abundant beyond measure. What’s holding you back from infinite possibility? That force is your creative inner child, who may in the past have caused havoc in your life, when you had a fragile ego, but now that you are a conscious adult, you can choose to unbind the creativity and joy of your inner child and release them into the world, with a watchful eye. Plato, the philosopher, who had Socrates to guide him (as an Enlightened Witness) and he himself guided Aristotle, said “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” Paul Coelho wrote "Don’t fear the light within. May it ignite the Sacred Flame in your soul." Perhaps fear is a call to give our positive energy to the world? Marianne Williamson, author, spiritual leader, political activist and American Presidential candidate, said “You will fear the darkness only to the extent that you yourself are not providing light.” She adds “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

Frank Herbert, author, wrote “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

Mahatma Gandhi recommends a daily prayer which may become your mantra “I shall not fear anyone on Earth. I shall fear only God. I shall not bear ill will toward anyone. I shall not submit to injustice from anyone. I shall conquer untruth by Truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.” So, your fear is up to you. It's a choice that you can make. Do you really want to keep hold of it? It’s time to let it go. You will be transformed in your capabilities and successes, in line with your core values and who you truly are.

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.

Dr. Gabor Maté says “There is a tremendous fear that we will re-experience the pain of childhood. People are not afraid of their future. They are afraid of the past that they couldn’t handle as they were children. With the proper support they will never be as isolated as they were before they had empathetic support.”

What if fears were simply lessons sent by the part of you that loves your self the most to redirect you to your true path? If they were, you could let them go once you have learned those lessons. How would you live and who would you be if you had no fears? How would your life be different then? That would really be a miracle. Be fearless.

Fear, 'The Prophet', by Khalil Gibran:

It is said that before entering the sea a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has traveled,

from the peaks of the mountains,

the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

And in front of her,

she sees an ocean so vast,

that to enter

there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.

The river can not go back.

Nobody can go back.

To go back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the riskof entering the ocean

because only then will fear disappear,

because that’s where the river will know

it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,

but of becoming the ocean.

Sending you love, light, and blessings.

VOICE for men group

Please let me know if you would like to join my 'VOICE for men' group: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, and timeless truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears.

Olly Alexander Branford MD, MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD

My gift is to be your guide. Let me know if you would like to continue this conversation...

Email me: hello@transformativelifecoach.co.uk

“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.” Olly Alexander Branford

My coaching themes and services - I work 1:1 and in groups with men who are looking for: Transformative Life Coaching, Transformational Coaching, Life Coaching, Personal Coaching, Positive Psychology Coaching, Recovery Coaching, Trauma Informed Coaching, Work Addiction Coaching, Workaholism Coaching, Addiction Coaching, Mindfulness Coaching.

Click here to read all my articles:

Read Me

Fear

Recent Posts