This article details the twelve gifts of healing if you want to find peace, serenity, love, joy, purpose, possibility, abundance, wisdom, Truth, and real success.
The reason that they are timeless is because these gifts are Universally True and never change. These gifts are reiterated throughout all the healing disciplines, whether it be philosophy, psychology, spirituality, or Transformative Life Coaching (TLC).
Every philosophical genius and spiritual Master in human history as far back as we can remember, through to those people who change the world today, including the Enlightened Witnesses amongst us, have told of these same Truths.
I have collected them for you in this article, in service of you. These Truths never fail. Here they are:
This too shall pass
Nothing is either good or bad
Non-resistance to what is
Truth is timeless and carved in stone
1. All is well
You are OK and "All is well." You are. And it really is. It's just our fear that makes us forget as we are asleep until we choose to wake up. “All is well” says Anthony de Mello”, the pioneering spiritual teacher and author. He says “You know, all mystics - Catholic, Christian, non-Christian, no matter what their theology, no matter what their religion - are unanimous on one thing: That "All is well, all is well. Though everything is a mess, all is well". Strange paradox, to be sure. But, tragically, most people never get to see that all is well because they are asleep. They are having a nightmare.”
Anthony de Mello's book 'Awareness' was the first spiritual book that I read four years ago when I decided to commit my life and my Self full-time to personal transformation in service of you. It is a journey into consciousness and it is in my recommended reading list. It's a great place to start your own 'Hero's Journey.' Spirituality means 'waking up.'
The message from the spiritual Masters and philosophical geniuses over the millenia is that the goal of awakening, or Enlightnement, is for awareness to take over from thinking. It’s the same as switching from asking 'What would fear do?' to 'What would love do?' Or 'What would my real Self (Higher Power) do instead of my fake self (ego)?' Or "What does my heart tell me instead of my mind?" Blaise Pascal, the mathematician, pioneer in the Natural Sciences, and philosopher who had a spiritual experience, said “The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of... We know the truth not only by the reason, but by the heart.”
Never leave the seat of your soul. Just rest in awareness: This is the key to Enlightenment. The key ,then, is never to get up from the 'seat of your soul'. Respond, even lean away, but never react. This is described beautifully in one of my favourite books: Living Untethered by Michael Singer. This book will change your life. It's the second book that I would recommend that your read if you are starting on your own journey of transformation.
Your natural state is to be seated at the seat of your soul: Just stop leaving it when you are afraid. Don't get up from your seat and join the drama, fight, conflict, and chaos outside of your life. Be an observer, a witness, and not a suspect in the mêlée. Just rest in awareness. There is nothing to face or fear. You can’t know that until you do it. It does take daily practice. Your natural state of wellbeing then becomes normal again, like when you were a baby. It takes very little action and effort. When you are being your authentic Self you literally feel your Self coming alive. This awareness is also the peace that passes all understanding. It's also the basis for success in any aspect of your life. Being real is one of the greatest services you can give to the world. Once you are being the real authentic you, the doing will follow naturally, like an oak grows from an acorn. This process may be called by many names but they are all the same thing: Recovery; Personal growth; Awakening; Enlightenment, Presence, and Awareness.
Carl Gustav Jung, the psychiatrist who founded analytical psychology, who was also a spiritual Master, said "I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." You close the door behind you to your trauma, triggers, fear and conflict and walk through the door ahead of you to return to your natural state. I know this because I have walked this path. When you do this you have come home.
Revelations 3:8 states “I know your works and what you are doing. See! I have set before you a door wide open which no one is able to shut." You see, that through Grace, the door ahead to your Self was never closed, and no-one can close it.
Julian of Norwich at 30 years of age was so seriously ill that she thought she was on her deathbed. She received a series of visions, which penetrated the mysteries of the unseen world, where she saw Jesus who said to her "All shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."
Esther Hicks wrote "If you know that all is well, you know all you need to know." Charkes M Schulz wrote "All is well... That's my new philosophy."Adyashanti wrote "All is well even when it seems unbelievably unwell." Everything is unfolding as it should. No matter what's going on in your life, or what appears to be going on in your life, believe me it's all for your ultimate good. All is well. All is perfectly well. Don't ever forget that. Do not think about it. Do not try to analyse it. Just accept it in your heart. Louise Hay, the spiritual Master, said “All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. I am safe!”
Our 'stinking thinking' takes us to 'Hell', where all is chaos. Our thinking can also take us to 'Heaven', where all is well. It depends whether we are looking through the lens through fear (Hell) or love (Heaven). Perceiving the world through a lens of love rather than fear literally creates miracles.
The Western human mind has not solved the overwhelming problems of fear, anxiety, pain, despair, loneliness, emptiness, greed, heartache, hatred, and conflict that are consuming our world right now. Studies have shown that 85% of fears don't happen, and 79% of those that do are resolvable. So, overall 97% of what people worry about isn't real. All 'crises' come from false beliefs. The mind made 'reality' made from fear is just an illusion. All the inventions, technological advances, entertainment, pleasures, and possessions that have been designed and proffered to us to assuage our existential pain have not ever created lasting happiness. This why billionaires who 'have it all' according to societal programming may be suicidal and have terribly dysfunctional personal lives, with families that hate each other. I know, I have met many of them. Even billionaires live in a mindset of lack, not abundance, and are driven by a feeling of scarcity. As a species we are addicted to numbing our pain with things that are external to us. Joy can only come from within.
As Aldous Huxley wrote in 'A Brave New World' "The nature of psychological compulsion is such that those who act under constraint remain under the impression that they are acting on their own initiative. The victim of mind-manipulation does not know that he is a victim. To him the walls of his prison are invisible, and he believes himself to be free. That he is not free is apparent only to other people. His servitude is strictly objective." Thich Nhat Hahn said "The real power of the Buddha was that he had so much love. He saw people trapped in their notions of small separate self (the ego), feeling guilty or proud of that self, and he offered revolutionary teachings that resounded like a lion's roar, like a great rising tide, helping people to wake up and break free from the prison of ignorance."
In Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) we will make your unconscious conscious and discover the true purpose of your soul. We will change your thinking from "What is the Universe doing to me" to "What is the Universe doing for me?"
You don't need the objects of your attachment at all. You simply need to lose your programming and false beliefs. As a result of understanding you can free your true Self from this programming. As Louise Hay said "I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves."
So in summary, stop fixing your Self, all is well. You are truly OK. All that you seek is already within you. As Khalil Gibran wrote "You are far, far greater than you know - and all is well." I will remind you of who you truly are, and that all is very well, in fact it will be miraculous. You need not act so big, when in reality you are not so small.
You are pure loving awareness. You are just not aware of it yet, but you will be. It's a great remembering of who you truly are. This brings us to our second gift: "Know thyself."
2. Know thyself
At the Temple of Apollo in Delphi the inscription above the entrance is "Know Thyself." As Lao Tzu wrote in the Tao Te Ching “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”As the metaphysician, spiritual Master, and number one author of all time, William Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
As Aristotle wrote "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Meister Eckhart, the German scholar and philosopher, wrote "A human being has so many skins inside (and outside), covering the depths of the heart. We know so many things, but we don't know ourselves! Why, thirty or forty skins or hides, as thick and hard as an ox's or bear's, cover the soul. Go into your own ground and learn to know yourself there."
It's hard to disagree with these greats, especially when one feels it to be True. Do you? Yet? Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) is the fast track to knowing your Self. Otherwise it may take many lifetimes (if you believe in that) and many, many mistakes in all areas of your life. Einstein said “The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science.”
Once we move beyond words and thoughts, creativity is the highest form of intelligence as it is like communing with the divine. Einstein wrote “Creativity is intelligence having fun.” Creativity is communing with one's higher Self and with the Universal Intelligence that underlies the Truth. Creativity is the key to knowing your Self through experiencing life. This is why I write. It is in the act of creating that you become Self-aware. As Immanuel Kant wrote "To be is to do." When you are BEing your higher Self, the doing follows like a river flows from its source. The sequence is 'BE, do, have'. Never 'have, do, be'. That is the road to disaster.
The one Truth is that you have forgotten who you are. It's not your fault. It's the human condition and we all have it. The fact that you have forgotten this is creating all the limiting beliefs in your life and is the only thing holding you back from your life being glorious and full of limitless possibility. My purpose as a Transformative Life Coach (TLC) is to help you to remember who you truly are. The way that I do this is that I will see you, hear you, value you, not judge you in any way, and will create spce for you to remember your true Personal Power. You are a limitless being who is being limited by your limiting beliefs, which are the same as your fears! Who would you be and what would you do if you deeply remembered this?
As Khalil Gibran wrote "The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind." It's your choice whether you go in.
In TLC I will guide you to finding your wisdom and Truth, not mine. You will find that they are the same, in your own time. To find Truth do we need a soul? John Keats wrote “Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?” Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said "We are not human BEings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual BEings having a human experience." Speaking the Truth may be hard but it's always worth doing: As Mahatma Gandhi said "Even if you are a minority of one, the Truth is the Truth." Why must we know the Truth? Thomas Huxley puts this best "Learn what is true in order to do what is right." The Truth, as described here, guides every decision that we will ever make.
A holistic view to Truth is required. A move from learning to experiencing: From thinking to feeling. A journey from the mind to the heart, the seat of your soul. This journey taught me the importance of being a 'wounded healing healer': An Enlightened Witness. You can't guide someone on their journey unless you have taken 'The Journey' your Self. I have walked your path. I know it very, very well. You can't read wisdom in booiks.
We always want to create something that is more powerful and all knowing than us to solve all our problems. This is why we invented God, religion and Artificial Intelligence (AI). The one thing that will save your job from being taken over by AI is that AI can't have wisdom, whereas you can. AI can have knowledge, but it can't have wisdom. Einstein wrote "Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of Truth." Our problems are just due to our way of thinking: Thinking from fear. We are standing in our own way. The good news is that we don’t need anyone or anything to fix us and we have all the answers already. We have simply forgotten them as well as who we are. We need to let go of who we think we are - the ego. And get in touch with who we truly are - a soul. Our ego wants solutions, answers, and coping mechanisms - 'imitation love'. Our soul is love. It needs no solution or answer. Truth is our ladder to the next stage of our Transformative Journey. Some of use the word God, which is the Universal Intelligence described above by Einstein. Call it what you will: Once you feel it you will know the Truth. You may get glimpses of it in Nature: The beauty and power of a panorama. This is you: Jesus said "For, behold, the Kingdom of God is within you."
Einstein wrote "The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavours, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts - possessions, outward success, luxury - have always seemed to me contemptible." These are all 'imitation love.' Real love will give you all the wisdom and Truth that you seek. We cannot find Truth through fear. As Einstein said “Problems cannot be solved with the same mind set that created them.” He also said “The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” A miracle is simply a shift in perception from fear to love. The only thing that you are looking for is your higher Self. It never left you. You simply forgot who you really are as you were asleep. That is the Truth.
The other key aspect of knowing your Self is to step into your authenticity. You are afraid of not being loved for who you truly are. That is the tragedy of our times. We are afraid of showing our true Selves. We are invisble. Or we wear a 'social mask' (our ego). 'We don't think that we will be loved for who we really are.
Arthur Schopenhauer, the brilliant German philosopher wrote "We forfeit three-quarters of ourselves in order to be like other people."The Truth is that when you show who you really are, that is when you will be loved. People are dying because our current culture has a 'crisis of inauthenticity.' All we want as humans is to be accepted and loved. Most of us are not aware that this drives all of our behaviour. We all go different ways about achieving the outcome of feeling loved. The problem is that we think we have to put on a mask - we lose our authenticity in favour of survival. The distance between who we are and who we think we are - ego and our higher Self is proportional to the pain that we feel from not being unconditionally loved. We belong to a sinking, stinking, dying, unconscious, sick, civilisation that rewards imitation love then seeks to destroy those who achieve it. It expects an invitation to your funeral and then to issue a press release. Deny them. Paracelsus wrote "In every human being there is a special Heaven, whole and unbroken." You are not broken, and don't let anyone tell you that you are, ever. It is they who are full of fear for their own survival: Nothing more. Just remember who you are. And if you forget, call me: I will remind you. They will topple under the weight of their ignorant judgement.
Carl Rogers, the American psychologist who was one of the founders of humanistic psychology and was known especially for his person-centred psychotherapy, who was widely considered one of the founding fathers of psychotherapy research and modern coaching, said that "If I were to search for the central core of difficulty in people as I have come to know them, it is that in the great majority of cases they despise themselves, regarding themselves as worthless and unlovable." We need to learn to love our Selves.
You are worthy because you are you. You are your worth. You were born worthy, the same as everyone else. You are unique. You don't need to change, buy, do, or achieve anything to be worthy. As Dr Wayne Dyer wrote "Accept that you are enough. You don't need to be anything that you are not". You are a unique and uniquely talented human being who is allowed to take your place in this Universe. We are allowed to be flawed: We all are. We need to stop pretending that it's 'us and them.' Good or evil don't exist. Accolades and achievements don't give us Self-worth. Alyssa Moon wrote "The more titles you carry with you, the more masks you find yourself hiding behind."
We all wear a 'mask' instead of being authentic. The mask has a dual function - it is an invulnerable armour to protect our ego (our terrified 7-year old self) and it is a fake self that we have created that we feel that we can show to the world. For that to happen we have to abandon the parts of our Selves that we believe are unlovable: We abandon our true Selves, allow our psyche to 'fracture', and banish the parts that our parents or society deemed unlovable to the shadows.
Albert Einstein wrote "A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be." Masks are our 'should be'. The tragedy is that "No one reveals himself as he is; we all wear a mask and play a role" (Arthur Schopenhauer). Once we begin to see other as souls then perhaps we can truly call each other friends. Souls cannot help but love one another.
What is love? It is the absence of judgement and unconditionally loving people for who they are, not the mask that they wear. If you practice being open, vulnerable, authentic and whole in all your human connections, you will heal, and so will all those around you. Hurt people hurt people. Healed people heal people.
Cate Blanchett said "For 'Blue Jasmine,' I made a decision not to wear any make up in the last shot of the film, as I felt like she had such a mask on - I thought it would be a good idea to leave her with nothing and become completely transparent." What bliss that must have felt for her and what joy for all those around her. Monica Bellucci said "Because I'm pretty, everybody thinks I'm stupid. But it is like a mask, and you have to break the mask to show that there is something else behind it. You have to show who you are to make the others come to discover you." It is only in authentic human connection that we feel real love, that we are not alone, and that we are invited to connect.
Annette Bening said "I remember hearing someone say that good acting is more about taking off a mask than putting one on, and in movie acting, certainly that's true. With the camera so close, you can see right down into your soul, hopefully. So being able to do that in a way is terrifying, and in another way, truly liberating. And I like that about it."
Once you show up in your authenticity people will buy into you. No one likes your fake self, your ego, not even you. You cannot hide behind a mask forever - there is nothing to fear about taking it off.
Søren Kierkegaard the Danish philosopher wrote "Don't you know that a midnight hour comes when everyone has to take off his mask? Do you think life always lets itself be trifled with? Do you think you can sneak off a little before midnight to escape this?" Jane Monica-Jones write in 'The Billionaire Buddha' "Ironically, when we own the shadow aspects of our Self and put down our masks - this is when we become truly lovable." Is it becoming clear now? As Charles Glassman wrote "As the masks come off, what I look forward to most are all your smiling faces." That sounds good to me!
Vulnerability and openness are your strengths - be open! Honestly! “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change” (Brené Brown). I would also add connection to that list. Please do join my vulnerability group for men if you feel called to.
Coco Chanel wrote "Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity." This is my lived experience. “It takes a brave person to be open. To speak your Truth even when your voice shakes and to feel safe to show up as who you truly are is how warriors roll. Anyone can put on a mask. It’s easy to wear a suit of armour as you navigate this dangerous world. Yet to be raw and real and decent and good. Oh - that takes strength. And true leadership” (Robin Sharma).
River Phoenix, who died at the age of 23 from an overdose, said "Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on." It's so sad that he felt that a mask was required over BEing. Jim Morrison, the lead singer of 'The Doors', who died at age 27, perhaps puts it best "The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask." Isn't it time that you set your Self and others free? You can't imprison them anyway.
Carl Rogers said "People only seriously consider change when they feel accepted for exactly who they are... When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good... When a person realises he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, "Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it's like to be me"" Once you step into your authenticity, accept all your inner parts: Inner child; higher Self; Your shadow: Then you can come from a place of integrity and authenticity. You are truly whole. You don't need a mask as people will love you more for the authentic connection. You have nothing to fear. You then feel the joyful bliss of BEing your Truth. There is no striving to get to Heaven as you are already here. Hell is trying to be elsewhere. Enlightenment is realising that there is nothing to do, nothing to strive for and nowhere to go and that you don’t need to be anyone other than exactly who you are being right now. Knowing opens the door to experience. So now you know. The door is wide open.
You can only work on your Self. Stop trying to judge or change others. You are being distracted from the inner work that you have to do. Rumi said “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise so I am changing myself.”
When you trust in who you are, a soul, which is timeless, you will realise that all your worries are based on illusion and are temporary. This brings us to our third gift "This too shall pass."
3. This too shall pass
The saying is believed to be based on a Persian adage passed down throughout time and made famous in 1852 with Edward Fitzgerald’s “Solomon’s Seal”. The fable retold by FitzGerald usually involved a nameless "Eastern monarch". Its origin has been traced to the works of Persian Sufi poets, such as Rumi, Sanai and Attar of Nishapur. Attar records the fable of a powerful King who asks assembled wise men to create a ring that would make him happy when he was sad. After deliberation the sages hand him a simple ring with the Persian words "This too shall pass" etched on it, which had the desired effect. This story also appears in Jewish folklore. Many versions of the story have been recorded by the Israel Folklore Archive at the University of Haifa. Jewish folklore often casts Solomon as either the King humbled by the adage, or as the one who delivers it to another.
In1859, Abraham Lincoln recounted a similar story: It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 talks about troubles being temporary. “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: For the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.” This points to the things that we see and believe, our fears, which are mostly illusions, compared to what is unseen but is actually the energy of the Universe, otherwise known as love. I refer back to the quote from Pierre Teillhard de Chardin's quote, which I give fully here: "We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a physical experience. Remain true to yourself, but move ever upward toward greater consciousness and greater love! At the summit you will find yourselves united with all those who, from every direction, have made the same ascent. For everything that rises must converge." It is quite the view. You will see...
4. Nothing is either good or bad
5. Non-resistance to what is
Non-attachment means releasing thoughts and emotions that create suffering. This brings a sense of inner peace. Let go of attachment to thoughts and emotions that are not of your higher Self. You know when thoughts and emotions come from this higher place, as you will feel peace, love, joy, and serenity.
Our thoughts are not our own. Yet we become so entangled with them. They are repetitive, negative, and persistent. Our emotions come from our thoughts.
It's our natural state to be positive. Expect a positive outcome but don’t be attached to it. Don’t let the fear of a ‘no’ stop you from taking action. Take action then let go. Make a start on the rest of your life. You recreate your Self in every moment. How we feel about ourselves is all about action, not results. A 'no' is not rejection, it's usually about something that is going on for the other person.
Buddhists would say that we are all one. There is no ask: It's the will of the Universe.
You create your own reality. Believe that only good things happen to you. Stay sincere. Be authentic - being positive is not faking it. Love your fate: 'Amor Fati' as the Stoic philosphers said in ancient Greece. Love everything that happens to you, for there is a reason behind it: A plan. You don't need to know the plan for your life to follow it. It will happen anyway, so just get out of your own way.
Meister Eckhart, the German scholar, philosopher, and spiritual genius wrote "He who would be serene and pure needs but one thing, detachment."
7. Don’t judge your Self or anyone else
Wilson Kanadi wrote "Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge."
The next pandemic is already upon us: It's a pandemic of mental illness. But the real new pandemic is not of illness: It's the pandemic of judgement. For without the 'pandemic of judgement', the 'pandemic of illness' does not exist.
At the same time, it is worth remembering that, as Matt Haig wrote in 'Reasons to Stay Alive' "There is no standard normal. Normal is subjective. There are seven billion versions of normal on this planet... Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but you are not the rain." We are all on a spectrum. Being human is characterised by neurodiversity: This is a framework for understanding human brain function and mental illness. It argues that diversity in human cognition is normal and that some conditions classified as mental disorders are differences that are not necessarily pathological.
At the end of the day: You are you. Don’t dwell on labels. Again, we are all on a spectrum, including you, and everyone else that you meet, and only you know who you truly are. You need to find your Self deep inside and stop your mind from constantly identifying with the negative self-talk and 'catastrophising', that is not actually thinking. You do this by becoming more mindful: You do this by getting out of your mind, and into your heart.
As Lady Jennie Jerome Churchill, mother of Sir Winston Churchill, wrote "All natures are in Nature." It's freeing to realise that we are all unique, worthy, human BEings. We are all blessed by having similarities (in that we all have the human condition) and differences, which should be celebrated. Perfectionism only leads to inauthenticity, reaffirmation of the false notion that we are not worthy, and self-sabotage.
The problem lies not in our neurodiversity, which is a gift, but in the stigma and judgement from those (who are also neurodiverse) who lack understanding, clarity, compassion, and wisdom: This is why they judge. Arthur Schopenhauer said "Compassion is the basis of morality."
Toxicity and judgement therefore comes from those who are disconnected with reality, themselves and each other. Their judgement comes from denial and projection, which is when people project onto others what they can't face and deny in themselves.
Martin Luther King Jr. wrote "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that... Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness... There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies." We are all human beings: We are all different yet equally worthy, beautiful, and loveable souls. Because we all feel like we are drowning right now, which we are not and all is actually well, we all try to drown each other in an attempt to save ourselves. It needn't be that way. The way out is through understanding, forgiveness, and compassion: For oneself and others.
Compassion is the key. Compassion is what we find at the end of the spiritual rainbow after we have taken the transformative journey. It's the pot of gold that never runs out. It's a core value that underpins so many others such as love and service. It's one of my core values.
Maya Angelou said “My mission in life is not simply to survive, but to thrive, and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style." Fyodor Dostoyevsky wrote “Compassion is the chief law of human existence.” Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us that action is required “Compassion is a verb.” John Holmes agrees “There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” Jenni Schaefer reminds us that compassion begins with the Self and involves action: “Real hope combined with real action has always pulled me through difficult times. Real hope combined with doing nothing has never pulled me through.”
The word compassion originates from the Latin compati (com means with and pati/passio means suffer) meaning to 'suffer with.' Passion means suffering and relates to the suffering of Christ on the cross. Our society is one in which we are all traumatised, even if we don't know it, and can be best described as a world where traumatised people go round deliberately traumatising other traumatised people. This is such nonsense. We feel like we are all drowning. But we are all the same; and we are not drowning. Why do people try to drown others? They do it because they are asleep and they are having nightmares that others are trying to drown them, which they are not. You live in an illusory fear-based reality. This is why you are incapable of unconditional love until you wake up. The transformational journey is one of waking up: Compassion is an essential element of this and is one of the highest spiritual core values, and also a rarely used superpower. Without compassion we cannot heal ourselves or the world.
The inner critic, the superego (above the ego), tells us we haven’t got what it takes. This is the internalised voice of our parents who tell us that we aren’t good enough. Some people then choose their work based on being able to continue to exercise their inner critic on others. There was wisdom behind this voice originally to ensure our survival or our parents wanted the best for us (even if it's not who we want to be). The ego says "I am alone and only 2 years old" (the petrified young child in us). We start to believe "If I work hard enough maybe I will be loved or be loveable?" These adaptations have a purpose early on in life in ensuring survival through attachment to our parents, but they outstay their welcome. Like a child-sized life raft (the coping mechanism) to cross a raging torrent (our childhood) that we carry but don't need any more (and it is wrong-sized and has holes in it anyway). Attachment is a very vulnerable state to be in. So you develop ways to seek attachment that are not so vulnerable where you don’t have to ask for it. You were hurt when you were small so you want to develop less vulnerable ways of being: If you weren't loved, seen or recognised for who you were; which is most of us.
You then depersonalised the attachment. You became consumed by attracting attention: By being attractive, Photoshopping your images in Instagram, buying expensive clothes or having cosmetic surgery. Or you tried to win approval: Through success, achievement or accolades. As Dr. Gabor Maté says "The world rewards you for betraying your Self... Are you following a calling or being driven? If you are following a calling you are in charge. If you are being driven, you are not in the driver's seat. You are like a leaf being driven by the wind, tumbling and tumbling. Eventually you end up in trouble." You might have tried to be important and sought status eg. by helping others - by becoming a doctor; or by becoming a lawyer; or an actor (craving the limelight). Or you tried to become very nice so that you were liked - you became a 'people pleaser'. You might have become very charming.
Our whole society runs on these false attributes: This is 'imitation love', not 'real unconditional love.' They are just displacements of genuine attachment needs. They are runaway addictive as they don’t satisfy. It’s hard to get enough of something that 'almost works'. You keep needing more as it almost works. You are never totally satisfied as you suspect that it’s not the real you who is liked. This is true - we wear masks and never show up as our authentic selves for the fear of not being loved and therefore abandoned; which is our greatest fear other than death (the two are related). So all these forms of imitation love never fully satiate. Satiation, like joy, can only come from within. It can never come from fillers and botox. There is an awakening peace from transformation. For this, we have to look within.
The superego delivered shame to our very core: It can all be addressed with compassion. Compassion is the antidote to shame. How does one cultivate Self-compassion when one never received it? The compassionate presence of another, as an 'Enlightened Witness', allows Self-compassion to develop. It is human interaction in an awakened state where we feel compassion from another that allows us to have Self-compassion. The Buddha did it alone: For the rest of us we need another person: Coaching from a place of presence truly helps. This is why I start all my TLC coaching sessions with a meditation into presence. I will see, hear and value you without judgement.
Plato wrote “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” When the anger from projection takes root in our heart, compassion is choked out. Carl Jung wrote “Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.” Wilson Kanadi said “Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge.” Buddha said “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger... Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Nelson Mandela echoed “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemy.” A Chinese proverb sums this up "If you hold on to resentment, you may as well dig two graves." Make peace with your past so that it won't disturb your future, or that of others.
Steve Maraboli said “How would your life be different if… You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey… It is only with true love and compassion that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world. It is these two blessed things that can begin to heal all broken hearts.”
Saint Francis Of Assisi wrote “If you have men who will exclude any of God’s creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men.” Dr. Gabor Maté says that "Only when compassion is present, will people allow themselves to see the Truth." This is why the tabloid press, which has no compassion as they are selling their souls to sell copy, which is their sole concern, is not after the Truth and they are incapable of seeing it. They sell judgement based on lies, destroying lives without conscience, even when their own families are known to be dysfunctional. Mahatma Gandhi said “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet”....and neither should you! Why would you go through the pain of awakening and allow others who have not done the difficult inner work to make any comments about you? Albert Camus wrote “It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.” Why would supposedly respectable institutions take up the axe?: Fear for their own survival, and lack of understanding.
Mother Theresa said “I would rather make mistakes in kindness and compassion than work miracles in unkindness and hardness.” Why is Truth so important and powerful? It's because anything else apart from Truth will create suffering for everyone. Our essential nature is Truth. When you reject Truth you reject who you truly are. If you put anything ahead of Truth you create suffering. So much suffering is caused by people refusing to look at the Truth. That’s why the Buddha talked about the Four Noble Truths. The Dalai Lama XIV says in 'The Art of Happiness' “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” The Dalai Lama XIV said “Compassion is the radicalism of our time.” Arthur Schopenhauer wrote "Compassion is the basis of morality." Meister Eckhart, the German philosopher and scholar, wrote "You may call God love, you may call God goodness. But the best name for God is compassion."
Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own. Walt Whitman, poet and journalist, wrote “Be curious, not judgemental.”
Jesus said “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to cast a stone.” Friedrich Nietzsche said “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
If you want to find peace and serenity in life, let go of judgement (as well as attachment and resistance). Non-judgement is the basis of surrender.
Whatever the question, love is the answer. Therefore the only question is “What would love do?”
Practicing gratitude has incredible effects, from improving our mental health to boosting our relationships with others. This is how you manifest any thing that you want in life. There is a way to do this that works without fail. The problem is that we come from a place of scarcity. If you believe that you already have something, and give daily gratitude, during prayer, journalling, or by saying or writing 'gratitude lists', then what you believe that you already have is the key to manifestation. The ego lives in a place of lack; whereas the higher Self lives in infinite abundance. You create your reality.
Your morning prayer may be simply "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
If God is your target you can't miss, because God is so big.
As Tony Robbins said "Trade your expectations for appreciaton and the world changes for you."
You have infinite possibility. You are only held back by your fears. What is your highest possibility? What does success look like to you? You are not sure yet? Let me guide you to finding out...
You may stay blind to your fears and limitations or open your eyes to the inexhaustible power and infinite possibilities already inside you. Henry Ford rightly said “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't: You're right.” As you know, he was the man who brought cars to the world. He continued “If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said 'faster horses.'”
Abraham Lincoln wrote "If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I would spend the frst five hours sharpening the axe.." Likewise, if you spend time working on your Self, then everything will then fall into place very quickly.
Arthur Schopenhauer wrote "Talent hits a target no-one else can hit. Genius hits a target no one else can see." If you do the inner work, you will learn to see with new eyes. He said that "Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world." This is why one needs a guide, an Enlightened Witness, as without an expanded field of vision and consciousness, one is blind to possibility. Neville Goddard said “Man's chief delusion is his conviction that there are causes other than his own state of consciousness.” So, if your consciousness is a 6 out of 10 then you are limited to creating 6 out of 10 outcomes. But if you expanded your consciousness through infinite possibility then you will create from that place. That is true Mastery. This is how you achieve infinite personal power. You simply go higher and higher. William Blake, the poet and artist, wrote "What is now proved, was once only imagined.
Albert Einstein, one of the greatest minds of the modern era, and also a spiritual Master, wrote that “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” The first is how we live when we perceive the world through the lens of fear (the ego), and the second is when we perceive the world through the eyes of love (the higher Self or soul).
The Universe, not the sky, is the limit, and the Universe is infinite. You are the Universe and the Universe is in you. The Greek philosopher and polymath Aristotle said that "A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility." The brilliant philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote "A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us." It may well be that you need to shatter before your pieces can come back together again in the way that you were made to be. As Rumi wrote "The wound is the place where the Light enters you."
The equation for what you may achieve, if you so desire, is very simple:
What you are capable of = Infinite possibility - Your perceived limitations
Your perceived limitations all come from your 'monkey mind,' the ego: Which is the terrified 7-year old you that the world never allowed to grow up. Infinite possibility is the miracle that happens when you only entertain thoughts from the voice of your highest Self.
Goethe wrote "I love those who yearn for the impossible." And we are legion; we just don't all take the journey that we were born for, and therefore don't wake up to who we are.
Charles Kettering wrote about the family that invented flight for human beings "The Wright brothers flew right through the smoke screen of impossibility." They simply believed in the possibility that they could create a machine that could fly: If Nature could do it, then so could they. And so they did.
George Bernard Shaw wrote "The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act (from our higher Self) and not react (our ego)." But we all react from our ego, immediately. We need to lean back and respond through action. When things seem very chaotic try and step back, meditate, and observe what is really going on rather than throwing yourself head first into every situation. Follow your intuition during meditation: It will always come, usually as a feeling, words or a sign. It's one of the most powerful things to experience and something which entirely guides me in the way I conduct myself on a daily basis.
Arthur C Clarke, the writer and 'futurist', wrote "The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible." St. Francis of Assisi, one of the most venerated figures in history, also wrote about possibility "Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
Possibility is the home of creativity and the imagination, which are how we take action that gives us wisdom about who we are. For me that is writing and coaching. Albert Einstein wrote that "Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand."
Eleanor Roosevelt, the 'First Lady of the World' wrote "You must do the thing you think you cannot do." Why? The genius artist Pablo Picasso wrote "I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it." Why wait? Mark Twain, the writer and entrepreneur, wrote "Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today."
Arthur C Clarke wrote:
1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
The difference between miracles and magic are that the former are, like Einstein, what we expect, and the latter are what we hope for. What we now think of as being established science all began as miracles, by fearless people who believed in miraculous possibility.
You are a limitless being who is only held back by your fears. In other words only your limiting beliefs hold you back. If you could drop these then what would remain, according to our equation above, is the you that you have only so far dreamed of: This is the space of possibility. Once you become fearless, you transcend your fears, then you and your life becomes limitless. You live from your soul.
'Fear' and 'Faith' are both are states of mind. Fear creates the darkest moments in our finest hour, while Faith brings the finest moments in our darkest hour.
As humans our deepest fears (by that I mean the fears beneath every one of your fears) are all the same:
These seem to form a logical sequence. We were not born with these fears. Our parents, guardians, and society conditioned them into us. Why? Because they were unconscious. They had the same fears conditioned into them. But you are reading this as the highest version of you is still inside you, like it is in everyone. You just need to be reminded, in order to wake up.
Our ultimate fear though, is not that we will die, but that we are afraid to truly live. Why? Because our ego lies to us. Our ego is who we think we are. It tells us that if we wake up we will die: We live (or rather sleep) in a real life Matrix. The ego lies because waking up, becoming conscious, dissolves it. The closer you get to waking up, the more the ego screams that you will die. Eckhart Tolle, the philosopher and foremost worldwide contemporary spiritual teacher, wrote “Let the end of the world be inside you, then you don't need to fear the end of the world out there... The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old, conditioned mind-pattern. Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist... Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to “Die before you die"... You are not separate from the whole. You are one with the sun, the earth, the air. You don’t have a life. You are life. Nothing that is of real value can be lost, only the false dissolves.” The false self is the ego: Awareness dissolves it like a caterpillar, which dies, to reveal the butterfly that is the true you.
You are limitless because you are the Universe. The question is will you realise this in this life? It really is your choice. As Tolle wrote “As you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change.”
The vast majority of people, never realise that what they were always seeking was inside them all along, or they realise it on their death bed, and by then it’s a little late to wake up to a life of personal power, peace, love, and joy. As Steve Jobs said just before dying “At this moment, lying on the bed, sick and remembering all my life, I realise that all my recognition and wealth that I have is meaningless in the face of imminent death. You can hire someone to drive a car for you, make money for you — but you can not rent someone to carry the disease for you. One can find material things, but there is one thing that can not be found when it is lost — life. Your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world. Whether you’re flying first class, or economy class — if the plane crashes, you crash with it." His very final words were "Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.”
As Colette, the actress and journalist, wrote "What a wonderful life I've had. I only wish I'd realised it sooner."
Eckhart Tolle wrote that “Emotion arises at the place where mind and body meet. It is the body’s reaction to your mind — or you might say, a reflection of your mind in the body.” If you have fearful thoughts you take your self to hell: If you have loving thoughts you take your Self to heaven.
George Addair famously said “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” I would take it one step further, that your fear has actually prevented you from even imagining the possibility of your dreams of awakening. George Bernard Shaw wrote "Some people see things as they are and say 'Why?' I dream of things that never were and say 'Why not?'"
Herein lies the paradox: Who would you have to be to be able to imagine what your wildest dreams could entail? This sounds like an impossible paradox. Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) creates the space for you to be the person that you dream of being who could imagine what that life could look like. To tell you what you know deep inside you already: But it’s buried so deeply in fear that you can’t even hear that voice: The voice that speaks from the highest possible and most awakened version of you, the real you, your true Self, your soul. You can hear it can't you? And hearing that allows you to transcend your fears and wake up to who you really are, right now. You are so, so, so much more than a bunch of molecules.
Lord Alfred Tennyson, the poet, wrote "The shell must break before the bird can fly." TLC allows the eagle chick to see the eagle flying before it hatches, so that the chick then breaks out of its shell. No one can wake you up, fix you, make you go through the door, or break open your shell for you other than you. But you won't do it until you are shown the eagle, that is you, soaring high. Until you remember who you are. That is my purpose, as your guide to help you see the highest you, the eagle, until you see it your Self. Once you see what you are, then you will know what to do, and break out of your shell. As Ralph Waldo Emerson, the philosopher and Transcendentalist, said "Every man is an impossibility until he is born." Abraham Maslow, the American psychologist who created Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a theory of psychological health predicated on fulfilling innate human needs in priority, culminating in self-actualisation and Enlightenment, wrote "One's only rival is one's own potentialities. One's only failure is failing to live up to one's own possibilities. In this sense, every man can be a king, and must therefore be treated like a king."
Picasso said "Everything you can imagine is real." TLC helps you to imagine; to see. You can change the world from heaven to hell and back again in a single hour, even if nothing outside of you changes. And you do this many times a day. And you still think that you are limited? You create your world.
11. Be present
12. Let it go
Letting go is the same as 'surrender.' This is the result of letting go of judgement (of your Self and others) and resentment. It is key to healing, Self-compassion, and any spiritual awakening. As part of this we need to let go and surrender our attempts to control people, places, events, and things. If we don't, we will never find joy or peace. Being able to let go is also called emotional sobriety.
When we let go, we create space inside us that allows us to connect with ourselves, others and to our higher Power (or God, whatever you want to call the Universal force and intelligence that underlies everything). It means letting go of our ego, and surrendering to love.
Not surprisingly, the Bible refers to letting go and allowing a higher intelligence to manifest through us, in multiple passages:
“Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14:36
“My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.”
Proverbs 23:26
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” Romans 12:2
"I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
Olly Alexander Branford MD, MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD
Email me: hello@transformativelifecoach.co.uk