The Ultimate Guide To Transformative Life Coaching
- Olly Alexander
- May 9, 2022
- 21 min read
Updated: Mar 28
INTRODUCTION
Is your life full of unbridled joy and peace? Welcome to my article series which will dive deeply into your purpose, wellbeing, presence, Self-realisation, limitless possibility, Real Personal Power, and abundance.
This article is the Ultimate Guide to Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) and how it has the power to 're-evolutionise' you and your life.
I'm Olly Alexander Branford, MBBS, MA, PhD, the Transformative Life Coach. I have been on a journey of personal transformation. I have experienced deep shifts in my way of BEing and therefore DO-ing. I am a full-time Transformative Life Coach for men.
As Epictetus, one of the greatest philosophers of all time, wrote “Don't explain your philosophy. Embody it.”
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In this series of articles I would like to tell you all about how an expanded way of BEing, whether that be in life, relationships, or your career, will create potentially epic limitless outcomes. You can't study wisdom from books - it is experiential.
Do you do you want to burn brightly without burning out? The secret to life is to find out who you are and to get intuitive clarity on how the world works to your advantage. These two 'secret' keys will allow you to unlock any perceived door. This is the domain of Transformative Life Coaching (TLC).
Epictetus said "Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them." It's all about your thinking. Joy, wellbeing, and wisdom all come from within. We will unlock your inner wellspring; your inner gold mine.
Transformation and transformative coaching have become popular terms in business, leadership, and coaching circles. Unfortunately, when words are used so freely, we often lose touch with their true meaning and use them to describe something they are not. All transformation is change, but not all change is transformation. As Alice said in her Wonderland experience, “At least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.” Do you have total clarity on who you really are and who you want to BE?
Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) may also be called 'Deep Coaching' or 'Super-coaching' as it is the highest level of coaching. It guides you ultimately to becoming your own coach. It takes you to wisdom and Truth and the deepest levels of personal inner change. This highest level of coaching gives you clarity about what is True (with a capital 'T') for all human beings and how the world works. Truth is Universal. You are about to go on a thrilling journey: A 'Hero's Journey'; where YOU are the hero! Henry David Thoreau wrote "I have learned this at least by my experiment: That if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
All the answers are already inside you: You just can't hear them until you speak them to another. This is the power of vulnerability. Connection is what happens when two people listen to each other and spend time together without their thinking or agendas getting the way. As a Transformative Life Coach I will listen to you in a way that you have never experienced before. Epictetus wrote “Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.” By my seeing and hearing the highest version of you, you will come to the same for your Self. I am here to serve you.
When you have a deep understanding of who you are, how life works, and about the human experience, you can flow with life rather than fight it. Plato said "The first and greatest victory is to conquer your Self; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile." Imagine swapping the drama-, conflict- and fear-ridden rollercoaster (or a boxing match where you are always on the defence) that is your life, for a peaceful flow down a beautiful awe-inspiring river (or a 'dance with Nature').
If there is something that you want to BE, create, and do in the world, if you know how things are created and done then miracles will happen. As Sydney Banks said "The solution to outwardly complex problems created by misguided thought will not arise from complicated analytical theory, but will emerge as an insight wrapped in a blanket of simplicity.”
You will literally feel your Self come alive to that spark, igniting a fire from the embers inside you, as if you are plugging into the mains energy source. The spark is nothing less than your fully realised human potential. You will feel a re-connection with the energy of life. There will be a twinkle in your eye and people will notice a beautiful feeling in your presence. It will be like coming home after a long time away. Your creativity will become unbounded, full of miracles (Albert Einstein belived in miracles). and full of infinite possibility.)
There is a famous Sufi saying “Don’t cut the person to fit the cloth.” You have been doing that for decades, ever since you were a child. When you experience life from the inside out rather then from the outside in, you will experience a Self-realising revolution in your way of BEing, your joy, your wisdom (flowing from your open heart), your Truth, your peace, your abundance, and your infinite possibility. It's time to invoke your 'God-mode'...
Transformation leads to pure intuitive wisdom and Truth. Your 'personality' (a.k.a. your ego) is the sum total of your hypnotised conditioned thinking, resulting from growing up in a dysfunctional world. Psychology dives no deep than this. Who you truly are is the domain of TLC. We are not our psychology: We have a thinker inside us (our Higher Power), who is not the sum total of our thoughts. You are way more than that. We are the thinker, not the thoughts.
Your past no longer exists and it is simply a story: A set of false narrative thoughts created by fear. The future is simply a set of narrative fears that are unlikely to happen (ninety percent don't.) Whatever we think is what we feel. Whatever we think is what we see: When you step beyond the five senses you will lead a joyful life because your life is full of love and unconditional love is always the answer. You will learn to think with your heart. As Albert Einstein wrote "The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking." Keep joy in your heart. As it says in Proverbs 17:22 "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine."
Remember, as Immanuel Kant, one of the greatest modern philosophers wrote, that "The only thing permanent is change." This emphasises the inevitability of change in life. It suggests that everything in the world is subject to constant transformation and evolution. No matter how stable or secure something may seem, change is the only constant. Anything could happen to you tomorrow. Kant's quote encourages us to embrace that change and adapt to new circumstances, as resisting or fearing change only leads to anxiety, stress, stagnation and missed opportunities for personal growth. It reminds us to be flexible and open-minded, understanding that change is a natural part of life’s journey. So, if you are ready, let's dive in...
For my 'Suggested reading' list with regards to transformation click here.
"It is what man really thinks of himself that really determines his fate. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined." Henry David Thoreau
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin wrote that "The future belongs to those who give the next generation reason for hope."
There are over 100,000 coaches in the world today. Coaching is currently unregulated, although it is becoming increasingly Professionalised. I have trained in Transformative Life Coaching and I have an International Coaching Federation accredited diploma. But, more than this, I know your path well. As the Chinese Proverb states "To know the road ahead, ask those coming back."
This is a very fertile time for the development of Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) - increasingly a blend of coaching, positive psychology, timeless philosophy, and other influences, which I will also lay out below. But what exactly is TLC, who will benefit, and how?
You may also be wondering:
What exactly is a life coach?
Is a life coach worth it?
What are the benefits of life coaching?
What exactly is Transformative Life Coaching?
What are the benefits of Transformative Life Coaching?
Is there a difference between Transformation Coaching and Transformative Life Coaching?
What does it mean to be transformative?
This blog will provide you with all these answers and the key information you need to know about Transformative Life Coaching. Please also download my free eBook. If you're ready, let's start...
Table of Contents |
|
2. What is Transformative Life Coaching (TLC)? |
3. What is the difference between Transformative Life Coaching, Transformative Coaching, Transformation Coaching, and Transformational Coaching? |
4. Who can benefit from TLC? |
5. What are the building blocks of a TLC dialogue? |
6. What have been the influences of TLC? |
7. How does TLC differ from therapy? |
What is coaching?
"You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him find it in himself." Galileo Galilei
Great coaching is a collaborative, non-directive conversation between the client (you) and the coach (me) to move you from where you are to where you want to be in life, work, or personal relationships. To be truly transformed in this life we need an Enlightened Witness. The key to coaching is that it brings about CHANGE in you and your way of thinking, and this is defined by you. It unblocks your infinite potential and limitless abundance. This 'Hero's Journey' involves laser-like focussed listening, inquiry through open questioning, clarifying questions, creating structure, creating deep trust and rapport and signposting by me; and reflection, discovery, and new moment-to-moment choices by you. This is combined with a call-to-action, motivation, and meaningful and challenging goal-setting in exploring ways forward to achieving success. It focuses on solutions rather than problems. I act more like a guide on a journey, rather than a 'helper' or 'fixer', gently supporting you to stay on the path that you choose, in order to take specific targeted action to make a deep change within. The shift in itself is ultimately down to you.
With business executives and entrepreneurs, what is holding you back from Real Personal Power, or what is causing you to be stuck and not escalating upwards to be effective? In most cases, it is not a functional gap, as you have the experience and knowledge to do the role very well. But there is something else that is limiting you - the way you interpret the situation, the way you integrate the situation, and how you are being reactive. In other words, your limiting beliefs. Traditional coaching is simply not deep or wide enough to address this. So, that leads on to what is TLC and how can it address this need?
What is Transformative Life Coaching (TLC)?
In simple terms, TLC is focused on enabling Self-actualisation and Self-realisation. TLC dives deeply into your psyche, focusing on who you are and desire to become. Transformational coaching is therefore an ontological approach because it is about ‘BEing’ rather than ‘doing.’ We are human BEings, not human DO-ings. The great TLC coaching question is therefore, “Who do you choose to BE?” What makes the process transformational is learning and doing what it takes to grow into the embodiment of that choice in BEing. You will still bring you personal goals, objectives, and high dreams to the table in TLC conversations; however both you and I are aware that those function as the context for the deeper dive within, and are not the end game in themselves. Until you experience TLC, your goals are merely tasks and drudgery, not ways of expanding your consciousness to the level of the outcomes that you want to achieve.
The driving question you will need to reflect on in TLC remains grounded in a choice in BEing: "Who do I need to be in order for my goals or dreams to become a reality? The ‘becoming’ process is the transformational path, and the end game is the embodiment of higher than realised levels of existence. To facilitate this process, a transformative life coach supports you to dive below the surface and immerse your true Self in self-exploration, to examine your beliefs, images, and interpretations about who you are and what is your purpose and place in this world - it is all of these which give rise to your existing way of BEing, and examining them sheds light on why you experience life as you do.
"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes" Carl Gustav Jung, one of the greatest minds in analytical psychology and philosophy
As a coaching client it requires willingness to face shadowy fears and beliefs in order to become free of patterns of thought and emotion that have held you captive for a lifetime. Change then happens at the core level of mind, within your internal operating system, and when you grow significantly at this level it creates the impetus for equally significant shifts in your behaviours, choices, and emotions. Over time, real transformation occurs, and the necessary thoughts, attitudes, and actions which function to bring envisioned goals into existence will arise organically, as an expression of the fulfilment of your higher nature.
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." Mahatma Gandhi
The transformative life coach’s role is to maintain focus on the growth potentials of the deeper realm, and encourage exploration of being as a precursor to taking action. BEing is paramount to doing, and doing flows from BEing. Many executives think that you want to come to coaching seeking strategies and solutions to a problem, but what you need is to learn how to fundamentally shift your entire sense of Self into a more Enlightened state. This will shift your thinking into "I am worthy. I create effortlessly, I love selflessly. I express who I truly am." This sustainable shift at the level of BEing requires a transformative metamorphosis, bringing aliveness, zest, calm, peace, verve, and creativity into your everyday life and realising your full limitless potential.
Transformative Life Coaching (TLC; also know as Transformational Coaching or Transformative Coaching) is therefore a subset of coaching, which uses these techniques to explore your inner world of limiting beliefs, critical self-talk, assumptions, core values, meaning, Self-awareness, purpose, and expectations in order to create greater possibilities for ways of BEing in life, in the framework of personal discovery and growth. In this sense it goes much deeper and wider than other types of coaching: It involves the deepest levels of listening, with laser-like focus, so that I am aware of what is being said by you and explores what is left unsaid. Where relevant I will ask the difficult question to elicit change through bringing into the space what isn’t being said by you. I will create a safe environment for you to fully open up, using silence as a tool for greater client introspection. The difference between TLC and other types of coaching is what I am paying attention to and what I am talking about with you. The profound change experienced by you with TLC is the result of a paradigm shift - a complete perceptual and conceptual change in your thinking and your internal model of the world.
"When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change." Dr Wayne Dyer
TLC works on everything above the surface of the 'iceberg of awareness' (namely thoughts, words, behaviour, and emotional responses) as in other types of coaching but also on everything below the surface (thoughts, feelings, beliefs, assumptions, needs, and values). As a TLC coach I will bring your depths to the surface, using tailored questioning, so that you become aware of them and use them to your advantage. So performance coaching deals with goals, but when the same problem occurs again you will need a coach again (Level 1 change); Developmental coaching results in learning so that you can deal with future issues (Level 2 change); TLC works on the whole iceberg above and below the waterline of your consciousness, creating a paradigm (perspective) shift, changing the way you see your self, others, the world and life (Level 3 change). TLC works at the highest logical levels of change to do with purpose and meaning, and also with identity and Self concepts.
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” Pablo Picasso
TLC thus creates the deepest level of internal shift in your character, finding clarity, gaining purpose, and becoming more Self-aware, even to a state of Grace, rather than simply just doing things differently. TLC creates huge transformation in your life: New opportunities are born; You, transformed, become a creator. Powerful TLC may lead to bliss, spiritual awakening, and even Enlightenment. In other words, TLC achieves Self-initiated transformation and Self-realisation.
“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our BEing, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of wellbeing" the Dalai Lama
With TLC there is a long-term change of mindset that has repercussions throughout your life, which is both powerful and purposeful. Attracting what you want like a magnet requires you to access resources that you did not even know you have. It acts like the gravitational pull of the Earth. Once you know how to function like gravity, you will begin to manifest your heart's desires without any fear of your own Real Personal Power.
World class coaches understand that their role is to guide you to real, lasting change. This can only be achieved through TLC: It has the power to generate phenomenal positive changes in a very short period of time, over days, weeks or months. It is important that your TLC coach has undergone profound change themselves, through lived life experience and TLC! This allows me to work with any client, anywhere in the world. So remember, not all coaching is transformative. It has to be TLC to be this powerful! You need an Enlightened Witness who sees and serves you without judgement.
"Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this Faith is to see what you believe." St Augustine
What is the difference between Transformative Life Coaching, Transformative Coaching, Transformation Coaching, and Transformational Coaching?
These terms all have the same meaning. This also includes Transformation Life Coaching and Transformational Life Coaching. The more recent version is Transformative Life Coaching (TLC).
Who can benefit from TLC?
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing." Albert Einstein
We live in a time of great choice and huge opportunity for many of us. We probably have more options to us than any previous generation. This provides space for exploration and discovery, and space for confusion, anxiety, and uncertainty. The sheer volume of information we receive and the choices we have can bring with then a sense of confusion - of too much to do with too little time to do it, of disconnectedness from our core values. It's for this reason that coaching is one of the fastest growing industries in the world. Even where there is no explicit demand there certainly exists a need. As you try to get to grips with your life in an increasingly complex, fast-paced, dysfunctional, and demanding social environment, so coaching offers an evermore valuable contribution to supporting you to build your life in a way that brings you joy and generates stronger emotional resources. Many of you are beginning to take stock of your lives and ask yourselves what you really want: This might be a better relationship, a better financial situation, a more fulfilling career, or a sense of purpose. Since coaching can help in most areas of life, there is an almost limitless need and market for coaching. Often with executive coaching what you want is to achieve a simple goal but what you actually need is a deep transformation in your character to be able to multiply your capability: You need TLC. The most successful companies are becoming rapidly aware for this, making TLC very much in demand in corporate organisations.
What would you like to bring to the discussions today?
"Man’s chief delusion is his conviction that there are causes other than his own state of consciousness” Neville Goddard
Everyone can benefit from increasing our level of consciousness. Human consciousness is the most powerful force in the Universe. Don’t play small - it’s not you. Have a goal so big that you don’t know how you will achieve it. If you can do it it’s a task. When it’s big enough it’s a real goal. If you want a level 10 outcome then you need to be a level 10 consciousness. So the aim of our work together is to raise your consciousness to the level that you want to achieve - then the epic things that you want to achieve will just happen. Things will flow for you, rather than you having to hustle all the time.
What are the building blocks of a TLC dialogue?
The 5 pillars of TLC are:
Phenomenological centrality - your lived experience is central to your way of knowing: This is an epistemological position - the study of how you know things (theory of knowledge). The way you experience a phenomenon is critical to how you perceive it. So what is important is your experience.
Positive psychological: Explores you both inside and out, your limiting beliefs, values, assumptions, expectations, and psychological patterns that guide how you show up, be and do in life, or in the workplace. Coaching is only transformative if something changes psychologically, with a shift in paradigm, beliefs, world view, and concepts, in that there is an inner change in you. One could almost say that transformative coaching IS psychological. Both deal with the mind, how it holds you back, and what to do about it. It assumes that both you and I are open and willing to look inwardly, are able to reflect, process, think about how you think and conceptualise. We take a very Jungian approach, inspired by the father of analytic psychology, who was also a spiritual Master..
Humanistic: Builds on the assumption that you are creative, resourceful, and whole, unbroken - you have a natural propensity, given the right conditions, to dig deeper and grow, flourish, be seen anew, and Self-realise the more conscious version of your Self. This depends on the quality of our relationship. You have the resources you need to make improvements and that positive dialogue through coaching provides the space to realise this. We will 'invoke your God-Mode'.
Integrative: Blends the wisdom of a whole range of schools of thought, allowing me to work adaptively with many different people. This has moved away from the one-size-fits-all approach or early coaching models.
Holistic: The whole person is taken into account: Mind and body are connected, and you have intuition, a creative and logical mind, and are more than just a thinking part. This is an ontological position - the study of BEing. I pay attention to all aspects of your experience - the cognitive, affective, somatic (relating to the body), relational, and behavioural dimensions.
What have been the influences of TLC?
TLC draws on the best of various coaching models to create a distinct form of coaching suitable for a huge range of purposes. Therefore, it is not in competition with any other forms of coaching: Rather it utilises the best of every type. This is why it is also called 'super-coaching' and 'deep coaching'. In addition it draws from:
Positive Psychology: How do you live well, in balance and harmony, and become effective at living?: Behaviourist - governed by intrinsic and extrinsic rewards with regards to pleasure or pain relief; Cognitive - real change occurs when you think about your thinking and reconstrue how you view the world working with the conscious part of your mind - what are your internal filters? eg. beliefs and limiting assumptions; Psychodynamic - Freud, Jung and Adler - you are driven by inner forces, which are in conflict that you do not normally have direct access to and that determine your behaviour - only when you make contact with these subconscious forces and make them conscious can you change your self; Humanistic - relating to the relationship between you and me and creating conditions for personal growth, free will and Self-realisation.
Philosophy: Studying timeless Truths - Stoicism; Existentialism - how do you make sense of the world through your own frames of reference?; Structuralism; Social Constructionism; Post Modernism - these last 3 all question the fixity of meaning between human beings i.e. it is fluid.
Adult learning: Involves increasing levels of change and we can use multiple intelligences - physical, mental and social.
How does TLC differ from therapy?
Transformative life coaching goes beyond your psychology: It is ‘metapsychology’. TLC is unique due to its combination of attributes as demonstrated in the Table below, taking positive psychological elements within its sphere as a discipline:
Therapy/ Counselling | Transformative Life Coaching |
Focussed on the past | Focussed on the present and future |
Usually open-ended duration | Normally for fixed duration (the aim is for you to become your own 'super-coach') |
Clients come with problems, usually of an emotional nature. Aim is to reduce emotional pain | Clients come with both positive and negative issues. Result is to create deep character shifts |
Less goal focussed | Goal/solution focussed and action oriented |
Therapist listens and prompts | Coach listens, facilitates, and clarifies |
SUMMARY
Transformative Life Coaching:
Is a subset of coaching
Is BEing-focussed not DO-ing focussed although doing comes from BEing
Unlocks the potential within to transform you and therefore your organisation
Dives deeply below the surface to view the whole 'iceberg' that drives your behaviour: It is the deepest form of coaching, also known as Super-Coaching and Deep Coaching
Takes the whole of you into account, not just what is visible on the surface as with traditional executive coaching
Gets to the essence of you
Underpins the powerful creation of outcomes and may be used for your executive goals
Illuminates and reprograms your 'inner operating system'
Involves the intent: To explore new ways of BEing and what it takes to embody them
Involves the premise: An expanded way of BEing generates the desired outcome and results
Is therefore absolutely appropriate in the context of life, personal, and business coaching
Is experienced by you in a different way to how it is experienced by someone else
Creates change that is deeper, wider, and longer lasting than any other form of coaching
The highest levels of coaching are when the coach looks directly into the depths of the other person's Soul. As Mary Renault said "The God in him had cried out to the god in me." This can occur in a friendship or in any kind of relationship that permits us to come together in a profound experience of sharing. At such privileged moments, we sense that our human love is both a part and an expression of something larger. We sense that we are channels for a loving energy that fuels the Universe. We can't always have peak experiences. But we can see the divine in others if we look for it. We can treat as sacred all the ways that our lives touch other lives. We can share in a way that allows others to begin to see into other Souls.
Namaste.
Olly
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My gift is to be your guide on your very own 'Hero's Journey'...
Hello,
I am delighted and enchanted to meet you. I coach men with 'Deep Coaching', 'Supercoaching', and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my email for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching on Zoom or in person.
“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.”
I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have a number of other higher qualifications in science and surgery. I have published over 50 peer reviewed PubMed cited scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for over five years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.
I hear you. I see the highest in you, and I will continue to do so until you see it for your Self. I have ultimate compassion for you I will never judge you. We will fulfil your dreams and discover your purpose and what gives your life meaning. We are dealing with infinite possibility here. Together, we will lead you to remembering the light that resides in you. I have written 400 articles for you and an eBook to guide you on your transformative journey, which are all available for free on my website - click on the link below:
Please let me know if you would like to join our 'VOICE for men' VIP community: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', 'Visibility Is Power', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. We are co-creating this space. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, awakening to Self-realisation, wisdom and timeless Truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears. Our meeting is free to join. There is no script, just sharing.
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