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Why Are We Killing Our Icons?

Updated: Jan 27

Matthew Perry Friends TV Comedy Star Dies at age 54 Today. This Breaks my Heart. Why as a Supposed 'Civilisation' do we Vilify Those That we Love and Continue to Kill our Icons and Then After we Have Crucified Them We Call Them 'Friends'? That's is Not How 'Friends' Behave.


Arthur Schopenhauer, the great philosopher, wrote "We forfeit three-quarters of ourselves in order to be like other people".


Matthew Perry Friends TV Comedy Star Dies at age 54 Today


Why do we retrospectively love our dead icons claiming that they were "Too fast to live, too young to die" when it was actually us who destroyed them before their time?


We celebrate, have an entire marketing industry based on, and promote 'imitation love' - the trappings of success, power, money, sex, possessions, cosmetic surgery, social media etc. etc. Yet we destroy those who seek solace and relief of the pain that we inflicted upon them there.


The same news outlets that report on their death are the same ones that wrote about their mental illness and addictions saying that they were 'damaged' and had 'demons'. It is us, our newspapers and society that are broken demons. Not Matthew Perry. We are killing our icons by being hypocritical turncoats.


Most of us are asleep: We love to 'love', then destroy what we supposedly love, and then love them again after we have destroyed them. What did we do to Jesus - the greatest human being who ever lived and who only taught love? We nailed him to a cross, stabbed him in his side, and let him die. Oh, but it's ok as he was resurrected. But it wasn't us who resurrected him, but a much greater power, that we all have access to, thank God, but we either don't believe in this power, or we don't feel that we can believe in it. Why? Because we don't believe in our Selves. We are told that we are not worthy or lovable by, our parents and a broken society in the form of a marketing industry that profits from our human condition.


So many souls can’t speak from beyond the grave. It is not just celebrities who are affected, it also makes me think about Alan Turing. It also makes me think about all of us. Why? Because they are us and we are them. We are all human beings and the only thing that they and we are guilty of is the human condition, which we all have. In reality there is no us and them.


But it needn't be this way. Please let me explain...

When I meditate on Matthew Perry's tragic death I can hear his soul saying quietly to the world "Where were you when I needed you? Why didn't you hear me crying?" It reminds me of Jesus on the cross saying "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" Why must we continue to crucify those that light our way and bring joy to our life? Icons reflect the human psyche laid bare. They are mirrors to our demons.


We live in either fear (also called 'hell', which is simply when we are asleep life and have only fearful dreams) or love (also called 'heaven', which is when we wake up and see through the mass illusion of fear using the lens of love). Fear is a liar. There is nothing to fear. The ego is who we think we are. The soul is who we really are and you can feel it, can't you, even if you are asleep to the Truth? When we are born we come from our soul. But then our soul fragments as we try to rationalise our two survival needs as children: Attachment (to our parents and society) and authenticity (who we really are). Attachment always wins as it is a greater survival need: If our parents abandon us we will actually die. But we hold on to this fear when we become adults, feeling that we have to continue to wear a mask to be accepted and loved. There is a certain irony in that Jim Carey starred in the film 'The Mask' and he famously said "I wish everyone could get rich and famous and everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that's not the answer." That's the whole problem: We all build a mask - our public persona, thinking that we will be loved and that will make us happy. But no-one loves our fake self, even our selves. Once we drop the mask and realise that we are actually loved for being who we truly are then the whole world begins to change for us.


All we want as humans is to be accepted and loved. We all go different ways about achieving that outcome. The problem is that we think we have to put on a mask - we lose our authenticty in favour of survival. The distance between who we are and who we think we are - ego and our higher Self is proportional to the pain that we feel from not being unconditionally loved. We belong to a sinking, dying, unconscious civilisation that rewards imitation love then seeks to destroy those who achieve it. Then they expect an invitation to their funeral and to receive a press release.

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Those who are asleep condemn those who are awake with an air of righteousness. They hate because they demand you to love them and when they don't get what they want they throw their toys out of the pram. No human being can be 'cancelled' by you because their worth does not depend on you. Any ultimately just Universal power believes that we are all equal innocent children of God. So why do hateful people intervene, label and stigmatise those with mental illness? Because they don't want to face their own humanity - the darkness in themselves. This is called projection, and I will dig into this below.


Mental illness and stigmatisation

As a civilisation we have stopped burning witches because there are no witches. Why does society insist on burning those who they see as 'broken'. No-one is broken. Fear makes us mentally ill. One quarter of us experience mental illness every year as children or adults, and this has risen from one in ten children only five years ago. Nearly half of us believe that we have had a diagnosable mental health condition at some point in our life. The labels of mental illness such as ‘addict’ can be so dehumanising and result in such stigma to the point that mental illness is an unspoken of condition: A hidden disease that causes so much suffering in silence, alone. Three quarters of adults with mental health conditions don’t seek treatment. 98 percent of people agree that mentally ill people experience stigma and discrimination. And mental illness affects those who are already marginalised disproportionately. Is it any wonder that so many of us are ill? Until we experience mental illness ourselves we can’t seem to prevent ourselves from judging those who are affected. Tomorrow morning when you wake up, mental illness could affect you or someone very close to you, and change your life forever. Every other house in your street is affected, maybe even every house. Isn’t it time for some compassion? One in five people have suicidal thoughts, and one in fifteen attempt suicide. Almost 300 million people worldwide have depression, and this figure has increased by one fifth in the last ten years. Just under 800 million people are affected by mental health issues worldwide. Mental illness is the second-largest source of burden of disease in England. Mental illnesses are more common, long-lasting and impactful than other health conditions. Three quarters of mental illnesses starts before the age of eighteen. The median age for onset of anxiety disorders is only eleven years old. Fear has become our norm. We are all full of fear, and increasingly disconnected from one another. We are losing authentic connection. As Ram Dass said “You see people through the veil of the fear-driven paranoia that comes from getting trapped in your separateness: You experience compassion that is not pity and not kindness, but compassion borne of identifying with the people around you.”


What is wrong with us as a 'civilisation'

Our current civilisation (which is not at all civilised) is like the Titanic - it proclaims that it is all shiny, new, and unsinkable. We all know what happened to the Titanic.


A great metaphor comes from the about to be published book 'Long Live Men! The Moonshot Mission to Heal Men, Close the Lifespan Gap, and Offer Hope to Humanity' by Jed Diamond "However, there are a few people who realise that something very strange is happening. What they come to know is that the Ship of Civilisation is sinking. At first, like everyone else, they can’t believe it. The Ship has been afloat since time before time. It is the best of the best. That it could sink is unthinkable. Nonetheless, they are sure the Ship is sinking. They try and warn the people, but few believe them. The Ship cannot be sinking and anyone who thinks so must be out of their mind. When they persist in trying to warn the people of what they are facing, those in charge of the Ship silence them and lock them up. The Ship’s media keep grinding out news stories describing how wonderful the future will be and technology will solve all our problems... But as the water rises, those who have been issuing the warnings can no longer be silenced... More and more escape confinement and lead the people towards the lifeboats. Though there are boats enough for all, most people refuse to leave the Ship of Civilisation. “Things may look bad now, but surely they will get better soon,” they say to each other. Those who do leave get into their individual lifeboats and row away from the Ship, each in their own direction. But they stay connected with the other boats and eventually create a different kind of world than the one they left. They are guided to a new future, based on old ways of partnership based on our two-million-year history of indigenous wisdom." As long as we believe the myth that civilisation is the best humans can aspire to achieve, we are doomed to go down with the Ship. The time has now come, however, when we will listen or we will all die.


Matthew Perry and our dying civilisation

Matthew Perry said "When I die, I don't want Friends to be the first thing that's mentioned," he said last year. "I want helping others to be the first thing that's mentioned. And I'm going to live the rest of my life proving that." He did exactly that and I revere him for that. There is no greater good in human behaviour than service to others and there is no greater significance in human life than this. That is our significance as human beings. Yet why do so many humans and the supposedly caring institutions that claim that they exist for our wellbeing seek to destroy?


Matthew Perry had suffered from depression and addiction. He said "Addiction is far too powerful for anyone to defeat alone. But together, one day at a time, we can beat it down." The medical community and those that represent us would be wise to heed these insights. The solution to addiction is connection and compassion. For me, the General Medical Council and The Royal College of Surgeons of England could not have been less compassionate if they had tried. I had not experienced any support from them in my whole 30 year career as a doctor and reconstructive surgeon. I experienced very little connection with them, and judgement not compassion. Judgement is the lowest form of human and institutional behaviour and demonstrates a lack of understanding of the human condition. Despite working for over 20 years in the NHS, having performed over 13,000 operations in service of others, working in trauma and cancer care, I was thrown to the wolves when I had a nervous breakdown by the GMC and the Royal College of Surgeons of England. Why? Because these institutions have no wisdom, compassion or understanding and are incapable of balancing intrapersonal and interpersonal interests as a result.. I would like to believe that they were unconscious in their lack of compassion. My fear is that they are conscious of what they do (their own leaders have repeatedly written public letters to them calling for compassion) and that makes working in medicine unbearable. This is why the NHS is in crisis. Our supposed 'leaders' are failing us. The GMC's motto is "Caring for doctors caring for patients." This is not what they are living up to. They are being dishonest and uncompassionate. They act out of fear as they are worried for their public 'mask' and their own survival: As 'executioners' that they are are worried that they will lose their job! They are literally killing doctors and destroying their families. The only tool that they have is the guillotine. They have no tool labelled 'compassion' or 'healing'. They are part of an adversarial blame culture where you are guilty until proven innocent. That is the real narrative. That is the real interesting story. When I attended for my hearing one member of the panel scuttled off to the stairs out of shame instead of taking the lift with me. I was trying to forgive him but he was so ashamed that he was unable to speak to me. Elyn Saks, professor of law, psychology, and psychiatry says that "Stigma against mental illness is a scourge with many faces, and the medical community wears a number of those faces." This lack of compassion is criminal. Einstein said "Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth." Individuals and other institutions suffer from "the Solomon's paradox" (described by Grossman and Kross): they reflect more wisely on other people's problems than on their own. This sounds very much like denial and projection as described by Carl Jung,


Peter Levine said “Trauma is not what happens to us. But what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.” Working in plastic surgery was not an empathic environment. My childhood was totally dysfunctional and lacking in any kind of empathy.


The United Nations Declaration states that "Humankind owes to the child the best it has to give."


Data shows that 2/3 of surgeons in some surgical subspecialties have mental health conditions. Over 1 in 5 UK surgeons are addicts. Surgeons have a six times higher suicide rate than the general population despite our resilience. The burnout rate in the NHS is 75 percent. Mentally ill surgeons have a six times higher complication rate. 36 percent of UK surgeons have trauma symptoms, and 12 percent of UK surgeons have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. According to "The Body Keeps The Score" by Van Der Kolk, nearly half of childhood trauma survivors numb their feelings with addictions. Trauma is trauma regardless of the cause. It is the same for childhood trauma survivors as it was for returning Vietnam Vets. There is no compassion for mentally ill doctors. Especially from the medical profession and the institutions that govern it. My experience of them has been horrific. Doctors can be patients too. We are all human beings. We are sick patients trying to get well, not bad doctors trying to become good. It is well recognised that compassion is essential to recovery & wellbeing. Medical institutions should be ashamed of themselves for consciously heaping further trauma and shame on these doctors who are patients. Since 2005, 33 doctors have committed suicide whilst under professional investigation: 33 families that have been detonated for generations. We have stopped killing witches as there are no witches. Isn't it time that our institutions stopped collaborating with witch killers out of fear? That's how we will become 'Friends' with Matthew.


Mental illness should not be a death sentence: It’s an opportunity to transform completely, awaken consciously, become the highest version of your self and be the best professional that you can possibly be. Rabindranath Tagore wrote "I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy." Sadly we are far from our jaded, anachronous regulatory medical institutions waking up to this truth. This is the case for most industries and professions. You are seen as replaceable. It is the institutions that go under the guise of civil society that Jean-Jacques Rousseau understood that: “Man is naturally good, and that it is from these institutions alone that men become wicked.” These institutions know that they are broken and not fit for purpose. Their own leaders state this repeatedly, as well as those that they are supposed to serve and be responsible for their wellbeing. They lack the consciousness (hopefully - otherwise they would actually be truly evil as that would imply intent), compassion and understanding on how to fix themselves. The solution is simple for individuals and institutions alike - wake up and become compassionate. This is a choice.


Matthew Perry was one of the cast of 'Friends' as everyone knows. Helping other addicts became his reason for being. A fellow actor who Matthew helped recover said "The whole first year I was sober, we went to meetings together and he was such a great... I got to tell him this. As a sober person he was so caring and giving and wise and he totally helped me get sober." Thank you Matthew for your shining example. On the BBC News today one reporter said that the tragedy of his drowning at home was made worse by the fact that we had come to see him as one of our own 'friends'. Had we though? Were we his friends? Or had we revelled in reading clickbait tabloid intrusion about his mental illness during his lifetime? The reality is that we are all friends - we are all souls but we fail to see that. Souls love one another. Egos seek to destroy. We buy tabloid copy and also buy flowers for the shrines around our dead hero's homes, weeping for those that we watched fall and yet call them 'friends': The hypocrisy is excruciating.


Suffering is an unnecessary part of the human experience. But we love to cause suffering in others as we think it will bring us temporary relief from our own suffering: It doesn't. We could save each other by changing our thinking. But we don’t think as we are asleep and our hearts are closed out of fear. It is not true that the saintly suffer in silence. The true master does not suffer regardless of circumstance. That is the transformative journey.


Paracelsus wrote "In every human being there is a special heaven, whole and unbroken." The BBC wrote an article today with the headline "Friends brought fame but couldn't quell personal demons." The article stated that he "Was locked in a painful cycle of addiction, and a battle with demons that stemmed from his damaged childhood." I would have written that Matthew Perry was a whole, unbroken human being who's addictions were the only coping mechanism that numbed the pain of his battle with a hateful demonic dysfunctional broken and fragmented disconnected world that we sadly currently live in. A world which values fame over authenticity. They quoted him saying that "I yearned for it (fame) more than any other person on the face of the planet. I needed it. It was the only thing that would fix me. I was certain of it."This is the illusion created by dysfunctional parenting and a broken society that tells us that we are broken and that this form of imitation love is the solution to our pain. Matthew Perry was not at fault here: Society was. He was abandoned by his parents and he was born into a world that tells you that you are unworthy unless you are famous and gilded in gold. He was quoted as saying "I need love but I don't trust it." That's not his fault - how could he? He had never received unconditional real love from society or his parents. In another BBC article from today tributes said that he was a "True gift to us all." What was our gift to him? A sense that he needed external validation to feel loved? That's no gift at all. The article gave a link to another BBC article from 2016 with the compassionate title "Matthew Perry 'out of it' during three years of Friends filming," which was actually about the fact that at that point he was addiction free. Shame on you BBC.

Matthew Perry speaking Truth: Rest in Peace


Friends

Martin Luther King Jr. wrote "Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend." He did not say "Buy copies of tabloids that disgrace those in the limelight who are suffering from mental illness and they will want to be your friends." Seneca, the Stoic philosopher said "One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood." He did not say "If you judge people because you don't understand them then they will become friends."


As the scientist and philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin wrote "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.... The world is round so that friendship may encircle it." Such beauty in those words. There is power in words but only if we are willing to hear the Truth behind them. William Butler Yeats wrote "There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven't yet met." Why can't we see each other like that? Because we are all traumatised people traumatising other traumatised people. And that's ok! We don't need to heap shame and further trauma on others. In what insane version of reality might that work as a way of healing them? What we need is compassion. Why don't we give it? Fear.


The tragedy is that "The usual drawback of success is that it annoys one's friends so" (PG Wodehouse). Anais Nin wrote "Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." Well our current world is broken. Anything would be better than this. Carl Rogers said "Each person is an island unto himself, in a very real sense; and he can only build bridges to other islands if he is first of all willing to be himself and permitted to be himself." So what is holding us back from our authenticity? The answer is our lack of Self-worth.


Worthiness

Carl Rogers said "If I were to search for the central core of difficulty in people as I have come to know them, it is that in the great majority of cases they despise themselves, regarding themselves as worthless and unlovable." You are worthy because you are you. You are your worth. You don't need to change, buy, do, or achieve anything to be worthy. As Dr Wayne Dyer wrote "Accept that you are enough. You don't need to be anything that you are not". You are a unique and uniquely talented human being who is allowed to take your place in this Universe. We are allowed to be flawed. We all are. We need to stop pretending that it's 'us and them.' Accolades and achievements don't give us Self-worth. Alyssa Moon wrote "The more titles you carry with you, the more masks you find yourself hiding behind." Everyone is a combination of light and dark. Everyone makes mistakes. That's what makes us human. Charles Darwin wrote "A man's friendships are one of the best measures of his worth."


Projection

I felt compelled to write this article today after seeing yet another tragic headline about suicide in someone who was mentally ill. Can you not hear their soul's crying beyond the grave? They died because they were judged: All of them tried and condemned either by institutions or individuals: Trolls and tabloids condemn: They are our society's kangaroo courts. It is not fair them to judge us. No-one appointed you. Those who point the finger the most forget that three fingers are pointing back at them and that they are actually the true villains in this story. Carl Jung described projection over a century ago. He said that "Projection is one of the commonest psychic phenomena... Everything that is unconscious in ourselves we discover in our neighbour, and we treat him accordingly." Projection accounts for most interpersonal conflict. Sigmund Freud, who popularised the term in the mid-1890s, believed projection to be a defence mechanism used to avoid the anxiety that is provoked when one is forced to face up to their faults, desires, passions, transgressions, weaknesses, and destructive tendencies. Through projection, toxic people and institutions have a shadow that takes control of them, descends into hell and become the devil: They self-sabotage their own joy and peace. And sadly that of others like Matthew Perry.


There is a 12 step aphorism "You are only as sick as your secrets." That doesn’t only apply to addicts. That it true for those that demonise them through projection. We do not learn until we wake up to Truth. Kahlil Gibran wrote "Seven times have I despised my soul: The sixth time when she despised the ugliness of a face, and knew not that it was one of her own masks." Perhaps it is even the mask that allows all conflict and war. As Jean Baudrillard wrote "Nothing in man's nature can induce him into that irrational, excessive act of taking power or of making war except the mask, the figure of the mask, in whose shade he can take up the challenge of a world the truth of which we shall never know, and which is therefore fundamentally a thing of artifice. It is the mask which makes sacrifice possible, which allows us to make war, the mask alone which enables us to engage in politics."Carl Rogers said "The only person who cannot be helped is that person who blames others." But we can help those that are blamed. We can be there for them as friends.


Fame and suicide

When I saw the headline today countless other celebrities who battled with their mental health and have committed suicide since 2000 come to mind immediately including: George Michael, Amy Winehouse; Avicii; Chris Cornell; Caroline Flack; David Carradine; Keith Flint; Robin Williams; Alexander McQueen. They are legion. Anthony Bourdain - the famous, brilliant, charismatic chef who suffered from depression and was an alcoholic and substance addict who travelled the worldwas found hanged over his hypothesised sex and love addiction when he felt that his 'qualifier' had abandoned him after photos were taken of her holding hands with a reporter. This would mean that he did not feel worthy or complete as who he was. That is the human condition, because we are told as children that we are not worthy and that we are broken. In 2023 should we really be condemning people for their mental health, using these labels as a way to dehumanise them? As humans we all want to be accepted, feel loved, to feel worthy, and not to be abandoned. We are all a mess. We are all mentally ill in some way. Again, that's ok. We are all whole and perfect as we are.


Shame on us

It is not just celebrities that are shamed. Alan Turing, the English Cambridge graduate, genius, mathematician, father of computer science and philosopher who cracked the Enigma code, knocking years off the war, and saving thousands of lives, was prosecuted for homosexual acts in 1952 and was chemically castrated, became depressed and full of despair, and committed suicide out of shame through cyanide poisoning. He was posthumously pardoned. A great example of the way our 'civilised' society works: Love, then destroy, then love again after their death. I know that despair. So many of us do. It's time for the rotten boat of our current civilisation to sink and be replaced with a better world.


Turing had to wear a mask to be loved. It's hardly surprising given the judgemental society that he lived in. That society has not changed. The change we need is to just BE. Being is the highest state of existence and consciousness. It is pure divinity. Its cannot harm. Yet it has never been enough for us just to be. We are always told we have to do more to be loved and worthy, otherwise we will be abandoned.


We don’t need to do anything to be loved. Love is the Truth of you. You need nothing more. People always feels that they had better get love back. Expectation is the greatest source of our unhappiness. We love to get: Not love just to love. Passion is the path to self-realisation: Passion is the action of unconditional love.


The mask

The mask has a dual function - it is an invulnerable armour to protect our ego (our terrified 7-year old self) or it is a fake self that we have created that we feel that we can show to the world. For that to happen we have to abandon the parts of our selves that we believe are unlovable: We abandon our Selves and banish them to the shadows.


Albert Einstein wrote "A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be." Masks are our 'should be'. The tragedy is that "No one reveals himself as he is; we all wear a mask and play a role." (Arthur Schopenhauer). Once we begin to see other souls then perhaps we can truly call each other friends. Souls cannot help but love one another. What is love? It is the absence of judgement and unconditionally loving people for who they are, not the mask that they wear. If you practice being open, vulnerable, authentic and whole in all your human connections, you will heal, and so will they. Cate Blanchett said "For 'Blue Jasmine,' I made a decision not to wear any make up in the last shot of the film, as I felt like she had such a mask on - I thought it would be a good idea to leave her with nothing and become completely transparent." What bliss that must have felt for her and what joy for all those around her. Monica Bellucci said "Because I'm pretty, everybody thinks I'm stupid. But it is like a mask, and you have to break the mask to show that there is something else behind it. You have to show who you are to make the others come to discover you." It is only in authentic human connection that we feel real love, that we are not alone, and that we are invited to connect.


Annette Bening said "I remember hearing someone say that good acting is more about taking off a mask than putting one on, and in movie acting, certainly that's true. With the camera so close, you can see right down into your soul, hopefully. So being able to do that in a way is terrifying, and in another way, truly liberating. And I like that about it." Once you show up in your authenticity people will buy into you. No one likes your fake self, not even you. You cannot hide behind a mask forever - there is nothing to fear about taking it off. Søren Kierkegaard the Danish philosopher wrote "Don't you know that a midnight hour comes when everyone has to take off his mask? Do you think life always lets itself be trifled with? Do you think you can sneak off a little before midnight to escape this?" Jane Monica-Jones write in 'The Billionaire Buddha' "Ironically, when we own the shadow aspects of our self and put down our masks - this is when we become truly lovable." Is it becoming clear now? As Charles Glassman wrote "As the masks come off, what I look forward to most are all your smiling faces." That sounds good to me!


Vulnerability and openness are your strengths - be open! Honestly! “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change” (Brené Brown). I would also add connection to that list.


Coco Chanel wrote "Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity." This is my lived experience.


“It takes a brave person to be open. To speak your truth even when your voice shakes and to feel safe to show up as who you truly are is how warriors roll. Anyone can put on a mask. It’s easy to wear a suit of armour as you navigate this dangerous world. Yet to be raw and real and decent and good. Oh - that takes strength. And true leadership” (Robin Sharma).


River Phoenix, who died at the age of 23 from an overdose, said "Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on." It's so sad that he felt that a mask was required over BEing. Jim Morrison, who died at the age of 27, perhaps puts it best "The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask." Isn't it time that you set your Self and others free? You can't imprison them anyway.


Andre Gide said that "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not." The truth is that no-one loves you for what you are not: Everyone loves you for what you are.


We need to take our effort off creating more and more beautiful superficial masks and spend it on discovering who we truly are coming from that inner place. This would be a good definition of authenticity.


Carl Rogers said "People only seriously consider change when they feel accepted for exactly who they are... When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good... When a person realises he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, "Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it's like to be me"" Once you step into your authenticity, accept all your inner parts: Inner child; higher Self; Your shadow: Then you can come from a place of integrity. You are truly whole. You don't need a mask as people will love you more for the authentic connection. You have nothing to fear. You then feel the joyful bliss of BEing your Truth. There is no striving to get to heaven as you are already here. Hell is trying to be elsewhere. Enlightenment is realising that there is nothing to do, nothing to strive for and nowhere to go and that you don’t need to be anyone other than exactly who you are being right now. Knowing opens the door to experience. So now you know. The door is wide open.


Sending you love, light, and blessings.


Please let me know if you would like to join my 'VOICE for men' group: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, and timeless truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears.


Olly Alexander Branford MD, MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD


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“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.” Olly Alexander Branford


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I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have published over 50 peer reviewed scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for four years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.

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