Transformative Life Coaching: YOUR Guide to Enlightenment

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to the second blog post in my series on Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) and everything related to awakening and Enlightenment. My first blog post was The Ultimate Guide to Transformative Life Coaching:

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In this blog we will be using laser-like focus on how YOU can experience deep internal transformation as a result of coaching. This is a lengthy blog, simply as it sets out the multitude of ways that TLC may guide you to awaken and achieve Enlightenment. Each journey is individual and based on what you need after we have dived below the surface. My subsequent blog posts will explore these themes and will be much more bitesized! I am Dr. Olly Alexander, MD, PhD, a Transformative Life Coach. My education and training can be found at the bottom of this blog. I received my training in TLC in London, England. I believe so strongly in the transformative potential of coaching that I have had, and continue to have, a number of Transformative Life Coaches. I've been on a personal change journey. I've had significant changes in my ways of BEing and so DOing. I work as a Transformative Life Coach full-time.

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In this blog series, I want to explain how TLC and how an enhanced way of BEing can lead to potentially epic, limitless outcomes in YOUR life, relationships, and your career. I will signpost you to a few of the books that I have read that opened my eyes to my self: Simply click on the link to Audible in the book citation or click here for my Suggested Reading List:

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This article will be all about YOU and YOUR Enlightenment: I will set out the syllabus that I will cover in my series of articles, my coaching, my forthcoming book, my free eBook, my courses, and my workshops. It is simply a syllabus – YOU will create the content. Robin Sharma, lawyer, leadership consultant, and writer said “Self-knowledge is the DNA of self-Enlightenment. Life has bigger plans for you than you can possibly know.” His book The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari is a fable about finding your true purpose in life.

My GIFT is to be YOUR GUIDE

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No-one can teach you how to become Enlightened or mentor you into this higher state of BEing: Let me be your guide. In Siddhartha by Herman Hesse, the 1922 book that deals with the spiritual journey of self-discovery during the time of the Gautama Buddha, the founder of Buddhism, Siddhartha said to Buddha “Enlightenment has not come to you by means of teaching! And-thus is my thought, oh exalted one, nobody will obtain salvation by means of teachings!" This article series is the distillation of a journey that I have made on your behalf, of over 2.500 pages of notes that I have summarised, reading over 250 books over the last four years, and having thousands of hours of conversations about philosophy, Existentialism, Stoicism, positive psychology, timeless Truths, transformation, Transformative Life Coaching (TLC), and Enlightenment and is presented as a journey meeting spiritual leaders, until you finally meet YOUR SELF. It have made a comprehensive synthesis for you of these timeless Truths and life lessons that are reiterated by the most eloquent and inspiring thought leaders through the ages into a single accessible message. Enlightenment means recovering your real Self, and finding your true purpose in life.

“Books simply help you to see what is already within your Self. That’s what Enlightenment is all about” (Sharma). “You can’t teach anybody anything, only make them realise the answers are already inside them”(Galileo Galilei). The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said “No one can construct for you the bridge upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life, no one but you yourself alone.” Anne Lamott reminds us that “The road to Enlightenment is long and difficult, and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines.” So grab what you need and let’s go, side by side, as I guide YOU to change YOUR life. I invite you to create, as we begin this journey, and to let go of any preconceptions. Ralph Waldo Emerson stated “There is creative reading as well as creative writing.”

You may be wondering:

• What is Enlightenment?

• Isn't Enlightenment a lofty, intellectual concept?

• Is Enlightenment accessible to all?

• Is Enlightenment a temporary state?

• What are the best books on Enlightenment?

• Is Enlightenment to do with religion?

• I don't believe in God, can I still become Enlightened?

• What is the difference between awakening, Enlightenment, bliss, and nirvana?

• Is Enlightenment the same as spiritual Enlightenment and spiritual awakening?

• What is the story about Buddha?

• How do you know when you have achieved Enlightenment?

• What are the benefits of becoming Enlightened?

• Can you lose Enlightenment once you have attained it?

• How do I become Enlightened?

• Does suffering lead to Enlightenment?

• How does trauma relate to Enlightenment?

• How can Transformative Life Coaching guide your Enlightenment?

The guru Osho wrote “Enlightenment will be now the beginning, not the end. Beginning of a non-ending process in all dimensions of richness.” If you're ready, then let's start...

Table of Contents

1. Look within

2. You are who you choose to BE

3. You are not your thoughts

​4. Access limitless energy

5. Presence

6. Drop the ego

7. Decide to be happy

8. Humility rules ok

9. External validation

10. When the pupil is ready, the Master appears

11. Be fearless

12. Change

13. Emotional sobriety

14. Childhood trauma & transformation

15. Transformation through trauma

16. Find your purpose

17. Help others

18. Limiting beliefs

19. Compassion

20. Vulnerability

21. Be assertive

22. Self-sabotage

23. Let go

24. Be authentic

25. Gratitude

26. Become a creator

27. There's nothing wrong with me!

28. Wake up

29. Failure

30. Love

31. Action

32. Enlightenment

33. Introspection

34. Inner tranquility

35. Be epic

36. What does this all mean for TLC?

Look within

Look no further than within. I create a safe space so that you can drop out of your mind and into your heart to give clarity to your most important core values. Carl Gustav Jung, psychiatrist, psychologist, philosopher, and spiritual Master, said poignantly "Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart." (See below the surface of the iceberg in my first article). Perhaps you have built the wrong tower and feel that only divine intervention can help you build a new one? My purpose in life is to guide you to personal transformation. Are you having a 'tower moment'? Jung stated “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Are you ready to change?

I sense hesitation. It’s only natural. “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls” (Carl Jung). The implications are vast. Beyond your own life, the whole world is shifting right now, becoming off-keel. The Hindu Sage Ramana Maharshi said “Your own Self-realisation is the greatest service you can render the world.” How do we change the world? Khalil Gibran, philosopher, poet and author asks in 'The Prophet' "Is not civilisation, in all its tragic forms, a supreme motive for spiritual awakening?"

'The Prophet', Khalil Gibran

Or, closer to home, how do we make sure that we do the best for our families, our children, and our friends? This article will set out a roadmap - a 'Hero's Journey': By finding your true Self the ripples of healing and peace will spread out all around you. With your solid foundation you will hold up the world. Are you the Titan, Atlas? What Herculean tasks will you need to accomplish? None. Simply look inside and take YOUR path. Poet and author Kamand Kojouri wrote “We seek the fire of the spark that is already within us.” So, read this ABOUT YOU. Who would you need to BE in order to receive the wisdom, through your expanded consciousness, of who you truly are? As you read, let the adult, assertive, fearless you grow into you, fully embodying you, until you become epically limitless. By BEing who you are you will create your world and your reality completely intuitively without effort. After all your expanded consciousness will access all the intelligence and energy of the Universe. I know this is true because I have experienced it myself. I am an empirical scientist and a healed doctor who has walked this path, not a mystic.

The Transformative Life Coaching (TLC) approach is a process in which self-awareness, alignment, and action work in tandem to catalyse and generate energy and momentum around you. It entails developing a broad grasp of what YOU want to achieve by BEing you, while also delving into developing awareness around any thoughts or hidden assumptions you may hold.

So, you might ask, isn't Enlightenment is in the realm of the divine? Eckhart Tolle, spiritual teacher and author in his book 'The Power of Now, A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment', says “Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness.” What is spirituality? Is it not religion? Don’t be put off. Rumi, scholar, poet, and theologian wrote "I looked in temples churches and mosques. But I found the divine within my heart." Mahatma Gandhi, lawyer, leader, and political ethicist said “God has no religion.” Spirituality, according to Anthony De Mello, priest, psychotherapist, spiritual teacher, and writer, (in his book 'Awareness') simply means “'All is well', awareness, waking up, and finding your Self.” Surely it can’t be that simple? The academic author Brené Brown says “Spirituality is recognising and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives.” So, where do we start? Gandhi said “As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world, as in being able to remake our Selves.” Easy right? Well actually it is!

Rumi wrote:

“Do you know what you are? You are a manuscript of a divine letter. You are a mirror reflecting a noble face. This universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; Everything that you want, You are already that.”

And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself? Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.”

Rumi

In our TLC sessions, once we build awareness, we will analyse any alterations in your perspective and evaluate if this newfound awareness corresponds with your identified fundamental core values, life purpose, and intended outcome. Finally, we begin to create concrete goals and work together in an accountable way to implement them. The strength of this methodology is the abundance of information and inspiration available to help you tackle your problem. You may feel a new insatiable hunger to devour podcasts, books, and courses that can help you learn, synthesise new information, and figure out what works best for you. Rather than looking at answers in two dimensions, all alternatives are explored so that you feel empowered to make the changes you want with genuinely felt deep shifts in your energy and character. You won't need 'to-do' lists! You will create effortlessly.

A truly outstanding transformative life coach possesses a unique blend of knowledge, talents, and personality traits that work together to provide clients with a truly transformative experience. They've been on that journey before, so they can keep you safe and gently guide you along YOUR road. Great transformational coaches are also lifelong learners who invest in their own development by exploring different philosophies, positive psychology, timeless Truths (which don't change over time, as exemplified by the numerous quotes in this article, which all carry the same message despite being written over thousands of years including modern day philosophers, leaders, and scientists), and techniques in order to better serve their clients.

So don’t be put off by what you may have thought was a spiritual approach. "“I shall no longer be instructed by the Yoga Veda or the Aharva Veda, or the ascetics, or any other doctrine whatsoever. I shall learn from myself, be a pupil of myself; I shall get to know myself, the mystery of Siddhartha." He looked around as if he were seeing the world for the first time”('Siddhartha' by Hermann Hesse).

'Siddhartha', by Herman Hesse

Even God is a creation of the human mind. “Man made God in his own image”(Tolle). As Friedrich Nietzsche pointed out “In truth, there was only one christian and he died on the cross.” Anandamayi Ma, Indian Saint and yoga guru, wrote “The light of the Self is present everywhere and in all. Whether you worship Christ, Krishna, Kali, or Allah, you actually worship the one light that is also in you.”

Remember, Buddha was not a Buddhist, Jesus was not a Christian, Muhammad was not a Muslim. They were teachers who taught love. Love was their religion. Let’s find the teacher in YOUR SELF.

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there” (Theodore Roosevelt, American President and author). “I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance” (Friedrich Nietzsche). And remember “You are responsible for the energy you bring into this room” (Brené Brown).

Rumi said “What matters is how quickly you do what your soul directs.” TLC can achieve perspective shifts in just a few sessions. My clients have reported experiencing shifts in just one coaching session. The good news is that “Once you are awake, you shall remain awake eternally" (Friedrich Nietzsche). You can't be put to sleep again. Carl Jung put it beautifully and succinctly "Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."

In Luke 17:20–21, Jesus (no introduction needed) said, “The Kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’ For indeed, the Kingdom of God is within YOU”.

Why are spiritual truths so timeless and Universal? Because they are immutable laws – scientists can bend the Laws of Physics, but not the Laws of Nature or Karma, and I am a scientist! So, how may we use the coaching relationship to find your true self, releasing you from:

• Living in the past or the future

• Your ego

• Constant negative thoughts and self doubt

• Limiting beliefs

• Seeing your strengths through the wrong end of a telescope

• The need to control everything

• An inability to let go

• Fear

• Negativity

• Toxic shame

• Embedded core values following childhood trauma

• Need for external validation

• Imposter syndrome

• Workaholism & Hustle Culture

• Compulsivity

• Self-sabotage

• Poor energy levels

• Judgement

• Inaction

• Emotional insobriety

• A lack of purpose

• A lack of fulfilment

• Poor creativity

• Feeling stuck, broken, or lost

• Feeling like a failure

• Toxicity

You are who you choose to BE

You are who you choose to BE & YOU create your world. The poet Ted Hughes said “You are who you choose to be.” This is not a new concept: We find in the Bhagavad Gita, which the best known and most famous of Hindu texts, a 700 verse scripture dated to the second half of the first millennium before Christ.“You are what you believe in. You become that which you believe you can become.”

TLC is the process of partnering with someone to help them grow, develop, and ultimately "rewrite their reality" through significant change. The core principle of TLC is that you will look at everything that could be of service in YOUR transformation. It involves a holistic and comprehensive assessment of your life. A transformative life coach will enable you to completely reimagine your professional possibilities. They might even assist you in rewriting the parameters of what a working life can be in the context of your entire existence. Danah Zohar, management thought leader, physicist, philosopher and author said “Most transformation programs satisfy themselves with shifting the same old furniture about in the same old room. But real transformation requires that we redesign the room itself. Perhaps even blow up the old room. It requires that we change the thinking behind our thinking.” “Everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in reality.” (Sharma). Yoko Ono, artist and peace activist said “You change the world by being yourself.” Simple.

Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius wrote in his timeless reflections Meditations “The Universe is transformation: life is opinion… Look within. Within is the fountain of good, and it will ever bubble up, if thou wilt ever dig… Our life is what our thoughts make it.” The Buddha, ascetic, spiritual teacher, and founder of Buddhism said “Don’t even believe me. Make your own truth. Don’t become a believer, become a seeker… We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.”

The Buddha

Wayne Dyer, therapist and spiritual author, said "When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change." Worth reflecting on! Ralph Waldo Emerson, lecturer and philosopher, said “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” So, who are you going to BE? By BEing you can’t curtail constantly creating.

“You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge. But it can only emerge if something fundamental changes in your state of consciousness” (Tolle).

You are not your thoughts

You are not your thoughts – worth thinking about: Sigmund Freud, neurologist and founder of psychoanalysis, said “You are not your thoughts.” Fears are not facts.

Sigmund Freud

Do you occasionally feel bliss in nature, when being totally present, or when you are aligned to your purpose? "Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better" (Einstein). "Choose only one master - Nature" (Rembrandt, artist). Would you like to feel like that much of the time? It works like this: We have on average around 60,000 thoughts per day: Many of them repetitive and negative. You latch on to some of the thoughts, which become your ‘thinking’. These negative thoughts cause negative emotions, which are simply the body’s way of commenting on the quality of those thoughts. It is best to simply note the thoughts and the feelings and let them pass: This is the basis of meditation and mindfulness. Then you will feel bliss, which is your truth, the formless energy that you feel when you are aligned to your purpose and when you are in nature - connection to pure potentially, without the fog of thinking. That energy is clean and is pure energy and truth. You have access to it any time and anywhere. When you become enlightened know that it will not depend on people, places or things, it can't. And with your thoughts you create your world.

You are not your thoughts

Nietzsche wrote “There are no facts, only interpretations.” Eckhart Tolle says “What a liberation to realise that the “voice in my head” is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.” He continued “Your mind is an instrument, a tool. It is there to be used for a specific task, and when the task is completed, you lay it down. As it is, I would say about 80 to 90 percent of most people’s thinking is not only repetitive and useless, but because of its dysfunctional and often negative nature, much of it is also harmful. Observe your mind and you will find this to be true. It causes a serious leakage of vital energy. This kind of compulsive thinking is actually an addiction. What characterises an addiction? Quite simply this: you no longer feel that you have the choice to stop. It seems stronger than you. It also gives you a false sense of pleasure, pleasure that invariably turns into pain… The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is... Life isn't as serious as the mind makes it out to be.” Worrying is like a chocolate teapot or as Tolle says “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Remind your self (if you pardon the pun) of what Thich Nhat Hanh said “The mind can go in a thousand directions, but on this beautiful path, I walk in peace. With each step, the wind blows. With each step, a flower blooms.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is” (Tolle).

Access limitless energy

Access limitless energy – that has to be a good thing right? The universe and the light of the stars come through me” (Rumi). Deepak Chopra, author, says in his book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success “The source of all creation is pure consciousness . . . pure potentiality seeking expression from the unmanifest to the manifest. And when we realise that our true self is one of pure potentiality, we align with the power that manifests everything in nature.” Everything in existence is part of a universal field of energy. This energy has many names, and is referenced by most major religions, as well as the physical sciences. Since you exist, you, too, you are a part of this energy, and you may use your consciousness to imprint your thoughts and intentions onto it, and use it to manifest anything that you choose. Deepak Chopra states that we may gain access to this through three daily actions:

1. Meditation: This provides the 'silence between the words', with no mobile phone, to practice observing your breath, and allowing whatever thoughts or feelings to pass freely and easily like a wave, simply noting them as described above. This space is the source of all creative inspiration. The physical and mental health benefits of meditation and mindfulness have been proven. Emmet Fox, spiritual leader, wrote “If you have no time for prayer and meditation, you will have lots of time for sickness and trouble.”

2. Observing Nature: Try to spend an hour in nature every day - woodland and panoramas such as the sea or the mountains may be particularly helpful. In the felt ecstasy and bliss of your own silence, and by communing with nature, you will physically feel the field of pure potentiality and unbounded creativity. I myself feel this as a tingling in my limbs and a lifting sensation in my heart.

3. Practice non-judgement: Total acceptance is one of the core characteristics of any spiritual (and remember by spiritual we don't mean religious) path to self, and by committing to not judging the people, events, and circumstances around you, you tell the universe that you are open and ready to receive whatever is best for you. Most importantly, this form of compassion should also be directed to your self.

Find you invincible summer within you. Albert Camus

How can you have infinite power on tap? Once you are awake, which at first may feel hard, your journey will no longer be full of hustle, control, disappointment, shame, fear, or be driven by a need for external validation. You will find all you need inside, and this will connect you to infinite power, pure potentiality, abundance, flow, intuitive action, 'alchemy', creative force, relentless healthy energy, and you will accomplish what seemed impossible, learning from what would have previously been seen as obstacles or failures, manifesting your destiny with ease. “Have you every realised that all around us there lies a realm of infinite power which we can train ourselves at any time to tap for our own use? This power surrounds us as the atmosphere does, and like the atmosphere, it belongs to everyone, and is at the disposal of anyone, for any good purpose. This power, which is the real source of all things that exist, needs only to be consciously contacted in order to flow from your being, and transform itself into health, into true prosperity, into inspiration, or into anything else that you may be needing. This Power is quite impersonal in itself, but it is always seeking a chance to express itself through particular personalities, through you or through me, if only we will let it... There is nothing in the universe that you cannot do or be if you are mentally ready” (Emmet Fox).

Presence

Presence - today is a gift: That’s why it’s called the present. We must learn to stay in the present moment. We must trust that we are at the right place, at the right time, with all the preparation we need to succeed, here and now. Fretting takes our focus away from the moment and the rich invitation for personal involvement that it’s extending. Remember, it’s through the full interaction with the present that we are nurtured emotionally and spiritually and encouraged to attain our full potential. Today I’ll remember that I am all I need to be. Nic Nolte, in The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, a movie inspired by true life events, plays the role of a guide named Socrates in a story about the path to healing and spiritual awakening: Following some very painful lessons, an athlete transforms from an ego-centric competitor to becoming a 'peaceful warrior'. I totally identify with this story: My name Olly means 'peaceful' and Alexander means 'defender of people.' As the athlete tackles a seemingly impossible gymnastic sequence “Where are you, Dan?" "Here." "What time is it?" "Now." "What are You?" "This Moment.” World class athletes are coached to remain present. Every shot is the only shot, whether its Championship point at Wimbledon or the first point of the tournament. You must be present to win. The film director Federico Fellini said “There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the passion of life.” Johnny Cash summed it up: “You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past, don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.” Even our children are being told this, so why do we forget?: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is as mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present” (Master Oogway, Kung Fu Panda). There is no fear in the present. Contemporary protagonist Tolle says “Realise deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life… If not now, when?” Of course, such great thoughts always have their antecedents “Confine yourself to the present…. Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present” (Aurelius); Saint Charlotte said “Every day is a new day. No need to dwell on the past. Look straight ahead.” Jesus said “Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.” “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” (Buddha). Tolle continues “Die to the past every moment. You don't need it. Only refer to it when it is absolutely relevant to the present. Feel the power of this moment and the fullness of Being. Feel your presence… It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” De Mello agrees “Eternity is in this moment”. Corrie ten Boom, author, wrote “Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength – carrying two days at a once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.”

Accept what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be. “If your mind carries a heavy burden of past, you will experience more of the same. The past perpetuates itself through lack of presence. The quality of your consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future.. the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfilment in whatever form. Both are illusions… Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you… All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence... As soon as you honour the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action” (Tolle).

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where are you living?

Once we realise that “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us” (Emerson), we feel a tremendous sense of serenity and peace. Dale Carnegie, author, said “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”

Drop the ego

The ego is equivalent to the false self and stops us from being present. The ego is your mind: Thinking is just a small unnecessary part of consciousness. Consciousness does not need thought. Enlightenment means rising above thought. Then you are free from the involuntary internal dialogue, constant negative thoughts about the past, the internal critic, and catastrophising about the future. “Midlife is the time to let go of an overdominant ego and to contemplate the deeper significance of human existence”(Jung). This is a great time of rebirth. The ego says “Once everything falls into place, I’ll feel peace. The soul says “Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place.” Egocentric fear leading to a desire to control is the basis of all addictions: The 12 step recovery Serenity Prayer is as follows: "God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Chögyam Trungpa, Tibetan Buddhist meditation master, abbott, scholar, poet, and originator of a radical re-presentation of Tibetan Buddhist teachings said “Enlightenment is ego's ultimate disappointment.” Let’s disappoint the ego: Are you with me?

The ego and the higher self

Decide to be happy

The Albert Schweitzer, theologian, musicologist, writer, humanitarian, philosopher, and physician said “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” And as a polymath he was well placed to know.

There is always clear sky behind the clouds – either blue sky or stars. Find happiness within. Abraham Lincoln, the lawyer who famously fought episodes of deep depression yet became the President of the United States, said “Folks are usually about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Martha Washington, First Lady and mother, concurred “The greatest part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.” “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts. Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking… To live happily is an inward power of the soul” (Aurelius). Francesca Reigler said “Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.”

To be happy one simply needs to accept that one cannot change people, places or things – just oneself. Just accept life on life’s terms. You can’t change other people and should not even try to. Practice keeping your side of the street ‘clean’. Peter Deunov, philosopher and spiritual teacher said “Do not look for happiness outside yourself. The awakened seek happiness inside.”

In his book “Awareness” Anthony De Mello states the powerful words “All is well. Everything is a mess. But all is well.” Happiness comes from within. So does misery. So don’t sabotage happiness: We deserve to be happy. De Mello elaborates and expands on the four steps to wisdom and happiness, which may be practiced during meditation and throughout your day:

Step 1: Simply note your negative feelings and let them pass like a wave - e.g. fear, shame, sadness.

Step 2: Understand that the negative thought is in you and not in reality. No other human being or event (people, place or things) has the power to hurt you or make you unhappy when you awaken spiritually. Negative thoughts only exist in the human mind.

Step 3. Never identify or define yourself with those thoughts or feelings. Say to your self “I am not those feelings. I am not my thoughts.” Don’t say “I am depressed” or “I am afraid”. Everything passes. Leave the thought or feeling alone, simply noting it. It will pass, it will come and it will go. It has nothing to do with you and your happiness. You only feel love and happiness. You were trained to define yourself by those negative feelings: You learnt this from society. Now it's time to unlearn it.

Step 4. Understand that when you change inside everything changes. Change your self: Set your self free; Don’t accept labels or judgement from your self or anyone any more. You don’t need to belong to anyone, anything, or any group. What you need is to be free, happy and to love. You don’t need to be applauded or loved. You become formidable when you are awake and don’t care what people think. All nightmares disappear. You don’t care about criticism. You are not a puppet. Be fearless. Behold the human BEing that is you. You suffered only because you were asleep. Now you are awake!

Humility rules ok

One of my coachees said to me this week. I am God and I am no-one. What a blissful divine realisation, and such humility. “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and everyone who humbles himself will be exalted” (Jesus).

“Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many”(Jesus, Mark 10:42-45).

External validation

The only validation you need is your own. What other people think of you is none of your business, and what they think says more about them than it does you. The author Taylor Jenkins Reid said “Praise is just like an addiction. The more you get it, the more of it you need just to stay even.” The need for, and addiction to, external validation, due to having an unvalidated childhood, from an absence of unconditional love, may form the basis of all behavioural and substance addictions. Gabor Maté, psychologist, physician, and author, and perhaps the foremost authority on addiction, wrote: “Misplaced attachment to what cannot satiate the soul is not an error exclusive to addicts, but the common condition of mankind.”

Tolle says “Living up to an image that you have of yourself or that other people have of you is inauthentic living.” Happiness involves deep authentic connection with people that you love. Jung said “The bigger the crowd, the more negligible the individual becomes.” Digital interactions and chasing social media likes lessen our authenticity. Robin Sharma said “If you want to improve your life and live with all that you deserve, you must run your own race. It doesn’t matter what other people say about you. What is important is what you say to yourself, being comfortable in your own skin. Be true to you. That’s a key source of happiness.” When you define your self through other people, places or things, you lose your identity – what are you if these things are taken away? “Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won't die. You will come to life. And don't be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it's their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don't be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are” (Tolle). Paul Coelho, writer and author of The Alchemist, said “Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” Brené Brown said “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage.” Carl Jung said “The reason for evil in the world is that people are not able to tell their stories.” “Half of life is lost in charming others. The other half is lost in going through anxieties caused by others. Leave this play, you have played enough” (Rumi). Nathaniel Brander, politician and jurist wrote so eloquently “If my aim is to prove I am ‘enough’, the project goes on to infinity because the battle was already lost on the day I conceded the issue was debatable.” Gandhi concludes “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”

When the pupil is ready, the Master appears

You seek a guide, not a teacher, for the teacher is YOU. “When the pupil is ready, the Master appears” is an old Theosophical (divine wisdom) statement. All we have to do is be open. This is no coincidence: Rumi wrote “Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.” Tolle stated “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” Rumi wrote with great wisdom “When setting out on a journey, do not seek advice from those who have never left home.” This is why it's so important trust that your transformative life coach has been on the same journey of transformation as you, maybe a few steps ahead. Rumi wrote so insightfully and concisely “The one you are looking for is you.” With TLC you will become your own transformative coach...

Be fearless

Rumi wrote:

“Put your thoughts to sleep, do not let them cast a shadow over the moon of your heart. Let go of thinking.”

Awareness of your fears allows us to dip below the surface in TLC: “Find out what a person fears most and that is where he will develop next” (Jung).

George Addair, entrepreneur said “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady and civil rights supporter, said “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Nelson Mandela, revolutionary and political leader, said “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Emmet Fox gave us a call to courage and action: “Do it trembling if you must, but do it!” Mark Twain, author and entrepreneur, wrote “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.” John Wayne, actor, film maker and icon, said “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.”

But, do you need to be a brave cowboy? Do we need to live in fear, even if we can overcome it? Perhaps if we reframe fear, by thinking about our thinking, as described previously, we can live fearlessly. Tolle writes “This is my secret, I don't mind what happens.” Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher who taught that philosophy is a way of life and not simply a theoretical discipline, said “Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.” Fear does not live in the present. Fear is a liar. Fear itself is like a rocking chair – it keeps you busy but gets you nowhere. If you are not your thoughts, as you will realise when you become self-aware, remember that nobody can hurt you without your permission. Fear and faith do not live in the same house. Love is fearless. Marcus Aurelius said “You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realise this and you will find strength.” Tolle echoed “All problems are illusions of the mind.” The acronym FEAR is best expanded as 'Face Everything And Rise' or 'False Evidence Appearing Real.' It has been shown in studies that over 90 percent of fears never happen. Even if they do, Tolle reminds us that “This, too, will pass.” Worrying works – 90 percent of the things that you worry about never happen!

Fear - False Evidence Appearing Real

In fact, fear may be the pointer to where you may grow the most! Joseph Campbell said about the Hero’s Journey “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek... We must let go of the life we have planned, in order to accept the one that is waiting for us... Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” Carrying your cross as Jesus did precedes awakening and 'resurrection'.

Marie Curie, physicist, chemist and twice Nobel Prize winner, advised “Nothing in life is to feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more so that we may fear less.” Anaïs Nin, writer, wrote “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” Paul Coelho wrote “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” Fear is a waste of time!: Matthew 6:25-34 wrote “Therefore do not worry about your life… Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Many of us live unaware of how the unresolved terrors, traumas and challenges of early life - fear of abandonment, not being loved, fear of not being worthy, and fear of failure - show up in our life as 'invisible lions': Benjamin Fry, psychotherapist, author and entrepreneur, talks about fear being an appropriate response to a threat that has long gone – hence the ‘invisible lion’. Robin Sharma says “Worry drains the mind of its power and, sooner or later, it injures the soul.”

What's love got to do with it? The Dalai Lama said “The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless you become.” Fear is often due to egocentric worries about not being in control. If we can get 'out of our selves and live a life of purpose where we give service to others, then we lose our fear.

Become fearless

Perhaps we are scared of our own power? You feel an energy, drive, unstoppable determination to succeed within you.: IF you can harness this as a force for good, would you become powerful beyond measure? What is holding you back? Plato, the philosopher who had Socrates to guide him and he himself guided Aristotle, said “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” Paul Coelho wrote "Don’t fear the light within. May it ignite the Sacred Flame in your soul." Perhaps fear is a call to give our positive energy to the world? Marianne Williamson, author, spiritual leader, and political activist said “You will fear the darkness only to the extent that you yourself are not providing light.” She adds “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

Frank Herbert, author, wrote “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

Mahatma Gandhi wrote:

- I shall not fear anyone on Earth.

- I shall fear only God.

- I shall not bear ill will toward anyone.

- I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.

- I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.

Change

Change is better than a rest. Machievelli, diplomat, political scientist and philosopher, and author, said “Whoever wants constant success must change his conduct with the times.” Change always begins and ends with you. Mahatma Gandhi said “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” One of my clients echoed back to me recently “Be it until you become it.” In fact “Our only security is our ability to change” (John Lilly - physician, neuroscientist, psychoanalyst, philosopher and writer).

Emotional sobriety

Are you emotionally sober yet? Emotional sobriety is when your happiness and peace do not depend on people, places, or things: Without emotional sobriety you cannot become transformed. Buddha said “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” Gandhi echoed “Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.” Miyamoto Musashi, swordsman, philosopher, and writer, said “There is nothing outside of your self that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of your self.”

As Deepak Chopra says in The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success “Self referral means that the internal reference point is our own spirit. In object referral we constantly seek the approval of others: This is therefore fear-based. We also feel an intense need to control things. We feel an intense need for power. This kind of power is not the power of pure potentiality, which is true power. If you didn’t have fear you wouldn’t feel the need for control. In the latter the internal reference point is the ego. It is not who you are. It is your social mask. It is your social mask that wants approval. Your true self is not fearful of any challenge. Your true self feels that it is beneath no one. Yet it is humble. It draws people to you. It comes from being in the state of Grace.”

Believe in yourself. Love your self: Not in a Narcissistic way, but by accepting who you truly are. Becoming emotionally sober is perhaps the greatest gift of all: Self love doesn’t come from external people or circumstances. You are transformed. All is well. All will BE well. Believe in your new reality - success. Then you won’t self-sabotage - why would you hurt your self? You are limitless. You have changed your character - who you really are has changed already. By your action grace has changed your character. Realise you are worthy. How do you achieve emotional sobriety? The solutions are:

My Seven S's of Emotional Sobriety (when your happiness and peace no longer depend on people, places, or things - this is key to awakening & enlightenment):

1. Surrender - so give up control, accept help - be touched by grace - Your higher power is working 24 hours a day for emotional sobriety and change in character

2. Self love - from self hate to unconditional self-love, and realising that self-love can't come from outside your self

3. Silence your inner critic and inner conflict trying to hide yourself - realise everyone is light and dark - awakening increases the light and reduces the darkness - rigorous honesty is accepting everything that is you, right NOW! Carl Rogers, psychologist and founder of the Humanist approach - “When you accept yourself just as you are then you begin to change”

4. Sustained action to change your character - “Faith without works is dead” (James)

5. Self-observation without criticism - when others praise you or criticise you - feel I know you love me as I love me; your criticism is unjust as I love me - the new message becomes the only message

6. Survey the good things that you create in line with your core values and purpose

7. Service - Give to others without expectation of return what YOU want and need. Love others unconditionally. This will change your values and beliefs from egocentric to helping others through service. In the Bible, Corinthians the word love is translated as ‘charity’. Therefore giving love results in Karma, the great law of life: What you give is what you get. Therefore by saving others you will be saved. What goes around comes around: Every time. Emotional sobriety is above all the realisation that it is by giving that we receive. "For what you sow so shall you reap... Cast your bread upon the water and you will receive." What you want for your self you must give to others; It is the giving that will return to you.

Childhood trauma & transformation

Transformation has a crucial role to play in adult recovery from childhood trauma and the world epidemic of mental health problems & addiction (including workaholism). Trauma is what you suffer alone. Childhood trauma is what you suffer alone as a child. If any situation as an adult throws you emotionally, it's rooted in childhood experience: If it's hysterical, it's historical. The loss of self is the foundation of trauma. Most of us carry trauma, we are not all aware of it...

Ted Hughes said “That's the paradox: the only time most people feel alive is when they're suffering, when something overwhelms their ordinary, careful armour, and the naked child is flung out onto the world. That's why the things that are worst to undergo are best to remember. But when that child gets buried away under their adaptive and protective shells—he becomes one of the walking dead." The problem with internalised emotion, is that, according to John Bradshaw, theologian, counsellor, and writer, in 'Healing the Shame Thats Binds You', is that we become that emotion: Emotions are buried alive not buried dead. Toxic shame and fear, resulting from childhood trauma, become us. We become fear. We become shame. These emotions are universal identities in traumatised children. Carl Jung wrote “Shame is a soul eating emotion.” The only way to deal with shame is to bring it into the light. Our coping mechanisms, masks, false selves, and armour are the only responses that we as a child can have to deal with our world of pain. And they are part of all of us unless we have the ability and opportunity to transform. Addiction is fundamentally a result of attempting to exert a level of control over your emotions that you can’t ever attain. Dr Gabor Maté says “The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain.”Edgar Allan Poe wrote “It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”

Childhood trauma may result in the following:

• Not being your authentic self – this stems from not feeling good enough, fear of being judged, and is particularly the case with overcritical parents

• Addiction and other mental health problems

• Chronic people pleasing – this is common if we were judged a lot as children or if we had to create a false self to prevent emotional explosions - this ‘Fawn’ fear; response stems from lack of self esteem and feelings of not being worthy

• Being overly apologetic – this is another ‘Fawn’ fear response that results from fear of conflict

• Anxiety and need for sense of control – when we are brought up in an ‘out of control’ environment, we can develop the need to control anything we can in order to feel safe

• Lacking boundaries – when we never learned to separate the needs of others from our own, because it was never mirrored to us by our parents

• Sabotaging healthy relationships – childhood trauma can lead to the “comfort in chaos” illusion; “I will hurt you before you hurt me”; "I will abandon you before you abandon me
  

One in 5 adults and 1 in 6 children suffer from severe mental health problems. That’s almost one person in every household. We are all victims of victims in the vertical transmission of trauma. All we can do is keep our side of the street clean, seek to recover our selves, and be compassionate to others. Syd Banks, an enlightened man who spoke widely about awakening and truth with such clarity said “If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.”Joel Osteen, pastor and author, inspires us “You were never created to live depressed, defeated, guilty, condemned, ashamed or unworthy. We were created to be victorious.” Arnold Glasow, a businessman, reminds us “Nothing lasts forever. Not even your troubles.” “Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable” (Theodore N. Vail, entrepreneur). Childhood trauma makes us believe in the invisible lion as an adult - an appropriate response to a potential traumatic threat that is no longer there.

Elyn Saks, professor of law, psychology, and psychiatry, “Stigma against mental illness is a scourge with many faces, and the medical community wears a number of those faces.” Does the world look after those that look after the world? Indeed, not very well. There is more than a 50% burnout rate in many healthcare professions and it is a poorly publicised fact that they have some of the highest proportions of staff with addiction and other mental health problems which go largely untreated due to the stigma and shame associated with them. Surely it's time for compassion? In his TED talk Dr Gabor Maté insists that addictive patterns of behaviour are rooted in the alienation and emotional suffering that are inseparable from Western capitalist cultures, which, by favouring externally validated measures of success, striving and acquiring over noticing and caring for one another, end up short- changing—and too often traumatising —children and families. He argues that the more stressful our early years, the likelier we are to become addicts later as a substitute for the nurture and connection we never received. He states that every although traumatised child doesn’t grow into an addict, every addict has been a traumatised child. He has also stated that “There are a number of things that people often don’t get. Many believe addictions are either a choice or some inherited disease. It’s neither. An addiction always serves a purpose in people’s lives: it gives comfort, a distraction from pain, a soothing of stress. If you look closely, you’ll always find that the addiction serves a valid purpose. Of course, it doesn’t serve this purpose effectively, but it serves a valid purpose. What happened to you in childhood that you have this problem? Addiction is not a primary problem it is an attempt to deal with a problem. How do you do that? By recovering your self” His interview with Tim Ferris provides a great introduction to these concepts.

Dr Gabor Maté interview with Tim Ferris on addiction.

There is nothing sanitised about workaholism. It has the same causes and potentially lethal consequences as all other addictions.

"90 percent of people are addicts. 10 percent are lying to themselves. It is not why the addiction it is why the pain? The more egotistic and successful we become the less happy we become” (Gabor Maté). The brilliant video by After SKool about addiction with Gabor Maté will open your eyes.

How childhood trauma leads to addiction with Dr Gabor Maté, by After Skool

Shannon Mullen, anthropologist, wrote “In a way, we’re all addicts by nature.” Addiction may be behavioural (for example work, food, gambling, internet use, shopping, extreme sports, sex, and love) or to substances. Dennis Prager, author said “People can become addicted to fame, money, and attention as deeply as they become addicted to drugs.” Perhaps all addiction is an addiction to validation. Work successes have the same neurological effects as a shot of heroin – they envelop you in an ill perceived ‘blanket of love’. Everyone needs love. But you need to love your self first. What if you didn’t receive love unconditionally as a child? The causes, consequences, and recovery processes of the various types of addiction are all the same. Addiction is rooted in childhood trauma, often from an unvalidated childhood without unconditional love, resulting in unbearable emotions such as toxic shame. Yung Pueblo wrote “I was never addicted to one thing, I was addicted to filling a void within myself with things other than my own self love.”

“There is one addiction process.” Gabor Maté in his book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. “That may be being a workaholic, retail addiction, sex and love addiction or drug or alcohol addiction to name but a few. This is very little to separate addicts from drug addicts to work addiction. We are all on a continuum. Addicts seek to numb or escape or obtain relief from that pain. It is a hell-bound train. It’s a one-way ticket. Addition medicine is palliative medicine. Most addiction patients will die from their addiction. Addiction kills. The sense of guilt is fathomless. It is within us to resist or succumb. It has to come from the individual. The one constant is pain. How does one sooth souls inflamed and tormented by invalidated childhood experiences? There is scarcely a happy ending. Addictions always originate in pain. Whether felt openly or hidden in the subconscious. They are emotional anaesthetics.”

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, Dr Gabor Maté speaks with Joe Polish about his book

"Addiction is not a disease or a human choice, it's an attempt to escape suffering temporarily. What people need is not judgement, they need help to be healed from their trauma. Is it possible for people to heal from trauma sufficiently that they don't have to keep escaping in their addictions to relieve their suffering of their trauma, then yes thats entirely possible. The question is under what conditions is that possible?" Dr Gabor Maté.

Addiction, by Dr Gabor Maté.

As Dr Gabor Maté says “To be totally honest, I haven’t resolved the issue of addiction in my life in general. So it could be that I just displaced it more into work.“ Workaholism is a topic that I will be exploring in detail as it has deep crossover with our Hustle Culture - watch this blog for many more posts on it. Just because you do something well and get external validation from it, if it doesn’t make you happy or give you meaning then it doesn’t mean it’s your Dharma, or life purpose, to do it.

Carl Jung wrote “Every Mother contains her daughter in herself and every daughter her mother and every mother extends backwards into her mother and forwards into her daughter.” We must break this vertical transmission of trauma through generations. How can we do this? By unconditionally loving our selves and those who are important to us. Russell Brand wrote “Addiction is a serious disease; it will end with jail, mental institutions, or death.” All addictions will ultimately follow this course, even work addiction, unless personal transformation occurs. Work addiction, like all other addictions, is a coping mechanism, that originates in childhood. Work addiction may have fatal consequences. Addiction gives you the wings to fly then it takes away the sky. So why is Hustle Culture promoted? Because corporations and institutions may behave like drug dealers - they use you until you are broken or worse. Then they move on. The only person that will truly care for you is you.

Brené Brown wrote “Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis… If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.” Indeed, stopping one addiction without transformation often simply results in a transfer of one’s gremlins sideways. This is why spiritual awakening is such an essential part of 12 step recovery programmes, which may be used in all addictions including work addiction. Recovery means recovering the you that you were meant to be, your true self: This is the essence of transformation and enlightenment. Addiction is giving up everything for one thing. Recovery is giving up one thing for everything. The many parallels suggest that addiction and the need for transformation are ubiquitous in human beings. Dr Gabor Maté says “What we call the personality is often a jumble of genuine traits and adopted coping styles that do not reflect our true self at all but the loss of it.” J.K. Rowling said “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” Jamie Lee Curtis said “Recovery is an acceptance that your life is in shambles, and you have to change.” Is this starting to sound like transformation yet? As Jimi Hendrix said “In order to change the world, you have to get your head together first.” Eckhart Tolle says “It is when we are trapped in incessant streams of compulsive thinking that the universe really disintegrates for us, and we lose the ability to sense the interconnectedness of all that exists.” Lao Tzu wrote “Through return to simple living comes control of desires. In control of desires stillness is attained. In stillness the world is restored.”

Hurt people hurt people. Healed people heal people. Loved people love people. Transformed people transform people.

Addiction is your ego’s selfish fear-driven attempt at being your own divinity. Transformation is your heart's attempt at finding your soul. The ego makes you act like ‘King Baby’ – emotionally labile, self-indulgent, and over-confident, trying to control your environment. But this does not work, as explained in the section on emotional sobriety below. Gabor Maté said “We may not be responsible for the world that created our minds, but we can take responsibility for the mind with which we create our world.” During transformation you find the adult inside you, who, through embodiment techniques, is able to powerfully reparent your inner child, releasing them from trauma, allowing them to heal, and letting them know that they are safe and loved. The adult that you discover inside you is fearless and driven by love not fear. Should we be shaming everyone's inner child? We need to bring compassion to understanding how people function. Margaret Mead said “Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have.”

Dealing with childhood trauma and its consequences therefore needs a multifaceted approach:

1. Trauma treatment (with specialised psychotherapy such as World Health Organisation (WHO) and NICE approved and proven Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprogramming (EMDR) and somatic experiencing)

2. Recovery programmes such as the 12 steps which give people a ‘programme for living’ that they never received as children, fellowship, and introduces them to a spiritual approach

3. Transformation to discover your true self, your inner adult and become fully awake

Addiction recovery sets you free

This combined approach results in a quantum leap in character - from a terror stricken egocentric child to a loving, fearless, happy, purposeful adult - which is miraculous to observe, and is achievable with good guidance and compassion. Trauma and addiction need treatment, just like any other illness. Aysha Taryam, journalist and editor, said “The road to redemption is a treacherous one that the accused must walk through in darkness but if we don’t shine the light then there is no hope for anyone finding their way to the other side.” As transformative coaches we have a role in shining a light to help guide you on the recovery of your true self. It's no wonder that the positive psychology origins of TLC are so helpful for those trying to rebuild their lives from the ashes.

Eckhart Tolle says “Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within.” Christopher Dines wrote “Having personal boundaries is an act of love. When we are able to assert a boundary, we are practising super self-care. We are being honest with ourselves about what is both acceptable and unacceptable to us. When we are honest with ourselves about what we wish to discuss with and disclose to others, we are being authentic and honest. This might seem perfectly obvious, but a lot of people struggle with asserting personal boundaries due to co-dependency, people-pleasing and low self-worth.” Transformation can help you reconnect with the core value of joy, which underpins so many of the other core values such as love, service, and purpose.

Carl Jung said “I must also have a dark side if I am to be whole.” Friedrich Nietzsche said “There are no beautiful surfaces without a terrible depth.” Our Shadow Self is our neglected inner child. And our greatest opportunity for building strength comes from the work of healing our woundedness. The shadow is where our pain hides, waiting for the light of our attention. It lies beneath the distractions of workaholism, comparison and bravado. It’s the stuff in the basement of our psyches that we’re not cleaning up.

Our Shadow Self is not an evil-twin personality that we have to master. Our undesireable behaviours aren’t defects or soul blight, they’re a cry for attention — for help to heal our wounded selves. Any manipulativeness, arrogance, hostility, addiction… these aren’t inner fractures. They’re expressions of wounds that have not yet healed. Those wounds get hidden in the shadows of our consciousness.

We avoid our Shadow by…

• Overachieving — spiritual bypassing under the guise of self-improvement. We can’t tend to our pain if we’re shellacking it with positivity.

• Overworking to stay distracted from our perceived brokenness. If I just keep working hard, I’ll get what I want. I will be so industrious and devoted and good, that God will deliver me… because that’s how karma works, yeah? Nope.
  

Samuel L Jackson calls us to action “I was doing things the right way; it was just that one thing that was in the way – my addiction. And once that was out of the way, it was – boom! The door blew wide open.” Elena Aguilar reminds us “Remember: It's not your fault that things are the way they are, but it is your responsibility to do something about them.” Russell Brand says “All we can do is adapt the way we view this condition, not as a crime or a romantic affectation but as a disease that will kill. We need to review the way society treats addicts, not as criminals but as sick people in need of care.” Robin Sharma inspires us “We are all here for some special reason. Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future. Push yourself to do more and to experience more. Harness your energy to start expanding your dreams. Yes, expand your dreams. Don't accept a life of mediocrity when you hold such infinite potential within the fortress of your mind. Dare to tap into your greatness.” You can not change your parents or your childhood, and indeed holding on to resentments stops you from healing and growing. Carl Jung wrote “Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.” By loving and finding your self you are setting your self and your children free to do the same.

The awakening that occurs when one recovers from compulsivity is the product of having hit rock bottom and surrendered, have acquired a faith (not a religion), having accomplished a practical examination of our past and our character, becoming aware of the problem areas with our lives and dealing with them constructively through personal growth, choosing peace over toxicity, connecting with others, providing service to others, and reaching out to the spiritual domain through regular prayer and meditation to place us closer to the source of guidance - our intuitive inner authentic selves.

The last few years have been super tough for all of us. “This is the moment when what we need most is enough people with the skill, heart and wisdom to help us pull ourselves back from the edge of breakdown and onto a different path.”— C .Otto. Scharmer.

Transformation through trauma

Transformation following trauma – recovering after adversity is the road to enlightenment. In every English dictionary resilience is defined as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties: the ability to be happy, and purposeful again after something difficult or bad has happened. It is NOT the resistance to being broken - that is rigidity, stiffness, or inflexibility. Those are not good character traits! Strength isn’t about how much you can handle before you break, it's about how much you can endure after you’ve been broken. “We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken” (John Greene).

Life loves you so much that it sends you difficulties to make you strong. Read that again.

Emmet Fox wrote “It is the law that any difficulties that can come to you at any time, must be exactly what you need most at the moment to enable you to take the next step forward by overcoming them... Suppose your whole world seems to rock on its foundations. Hold on steadily, let it rock, and when the rocking is over, the picture will have reassembled itself into something much nearer to your heart's desire… Some day (when we have enough spiritual growth) we will come to see that the seemingly disjointed happenings, the apparent accidents, are really part of an orderly pattern.” Marcus Aurelius wrote “Whatever the universal nature assigns to any man at any time is for the good of that man at that time.” We can’t choose the cards we are dealt with, but we can choose how we play the game. Nietzsche famously said "That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny“ (C.S. Lewis). It’s darkest before the dawn. There is no growth without adversity. Jean-Paul Sartre wrote “Life begins on the other side of despair.” Buddha said "Even loss and betrayal can bring us awakening." Jesus in John 3:3 “Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Rumi wrote “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” “Turn your wounds into wisdom” (Oprah Winfrey). Carl Jung wrote “In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order... There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”

“Even in the midst of devastation, something within us always points the way to freedom” (Sharon Salzberg). When encountering enormous adversity, challenges, and trauma in life, as all of us will, the first reaction may be to withdraw and collapse. Chris Bradford said “Anyone can give up; it is the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would expect you to fall apart, now that is true strength.” Aeschylus wrote “Wisdom comes alone through suffering.” Friedrich Nietzsche wrote “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.” “Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” (The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.) In fact it is “Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves” (Henry David Thoreau). J.R.R. Tolkien wrote “From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renewed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king.” Then you will be like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Audrey Hepburn said “Nothing is impossible. The word itself says ‘I’M POSSIBLE’!” “Life has to break you down so you could be rebuilt. Getting lost along your path is a part of finding the path you are meant to be on” (Robin Sharma). A breakdown can become your breakthrough. Ferguson mused “You have to break down before you can break through.” “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places” (Ernest Hemingway).

The Dalai Lama said “ When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.” Carl Jung wrote “The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.” He also said “There's no coming to consciousness without pain... The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” Stop trying to calm the storm: Calm your self, the storm will pass. Napoleon Bonaparte said “Victory is not always winning the battle… but rising every time you fall.” You are not the darkness you endured, you are the light that refused to surrender. “You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame; how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes?” (Nietzsche).

A phoenix rising from the ashes

Buddha said “Like the lotus we have the ability to rise from the mud and bloom out of the darkness and radiate into the world.” “You can come out of the furnace of trouble two ways: if you let it consume you, you come out a cinder; but there is a kind of metal which refuses to be consumed and comes out a star” (Jean Church). “So long as you haven’t experienced this - to die and so to grow: You are only a troubled guest on the dark earth” (Goethe). “Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realise that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge” (Eckhart Tolle).

“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains” (Anne Frank). “Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.” (Robert H. Schuller). “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it” (Henry Ford).

Self-pity is the thief of time. Being in victim mode does not allow growth. “Victims fall in love with excuses” (Robin Sharma). “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy” (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.) “The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything” Bishop W.C. Magee.

“Very good days are ahead. Turbulence is necessary for transformation. And things must fall apart for this to be built up in a greater way. The suffering will morph into strength. The wounds will grow into wisdom. The volatility will—eventually - yield a more decent humanity” (Robin Sharma). Joseph Campbell discussed personal transformation in the belly of the whale stage of the Hero’s Journey: The belly of the whale represents the final separation from the hero's known world and self. By entering this stage, the person shows a willingness to undergo a metamorphosis. “By this, the dreamer crosses to the other shore. And by a like miracle, so will each whose work is the difficult, dangerous task of self-discovery and self-development, be portered across the ocean of life.” Scott Peck wrote "It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. To proceed very far through the desert, you must be willing to meet existential suffering and work it through. In order to do this, the attitude toward pain has to change. This happens when we accept the fact that everything that happens to us has been designed for our spiritual growth. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and wisdom.”

Dr Steve Taylor psychologist explains in his book ‘Extraordinary Awakenings: When Trauma Leads to Transformation’ how trauma and adversity leads to a greater understanding of who we truly are. For 15 years, he researched cases of spontaneous awakening that occurred in the midst of intense psychological trauma such as bereavement, severe depression, addiction, intense stress, and suffering. A miraculous transformation sometimes occurs: the death of an old identity and the birth of a new, spiritually awakened self. He explains what we can learn from the phenomenon and teach some principles that can apply to our own spiritual development and Enlightenment. This process is due to the process of the disillusion of identity or ego, breaking down the sense of identity and ego, allowing for the emergence of a deeper essential self. So trauma can lead to new depths of spiritual awakening that most of us find difficult to imagine. Even during deep depression one can feel moments of elation walking in the woods feeling connected and uplifted – trees seem like sentient beings and the sky feels to have radiance a sense that all things are one and you are a part of this oneness. The world feels like harmony, clarity, and truth. The experience leaves you with a sense that life is more meaningful. One can finally understand and accept oneself through these spiritual journeys or awakening experiences – one feels more intensely and fully awake. When we return to normal consciousness, we carry them with us and gain a positivity about life. This is transformation through turmoil – going through a dramatic transformation into a higher functioning state, which is equivalent to permanent spiritual awakening. In addicts it may manifest itself as ‘addiction release’ – a sudden freedom from craving after hitting rock bottom. It also happens during depression and grief loss. People experience this shift as a new identity: a shift into a new and integrated self-system which is fundamentally different to their previous self-system. Steve Taylor says “It’s like there are two people – there’s a before and after.” People feel that “There’s no going back. I am a different person now, for the rest of my life... I’ve moved into another level of consciousness which I know is going to stay with me. It’s like the transformation of a caterpillar goes through during the chrysalis stage before emerging as a butterfly.” As long as you let go and step back from your predicament you can remain in an ongoing state of bliss and harmony.

In his study about activities and situations associated with awakening experiences (n=97) the most common trigger is psychological turmoil =37 (stress, depression, bereavement), followed by contact with nature =23, followed by spiritual practice = 21 (meditation, prayer, yoga), spiritual literature =15, love/sex =5, watching or listening to arts performances =3. It is almost that joy and despair are not opposites, but they are intertwined. These experiences can last days. In some cases, people undergo a permanent shift inside them almost as though they have taken on a new identity.

At rock bottom the false house of the ego collapses. The normal self and identity give way, and again there is an open space inside us. In some people this gives space for a latent higher self to emerge and fill, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. It has been waiting to arise. Why doesn’t everyone undergo this transformation? The person has to have a sense of openness and readiness to experience and empathy to the world. People with strong control or ego are less likely to let go and see this change. It’s a question of readiness – the ego is not ready to emerge. The main factor in transformation is acknowledgment and acceptance. People identify a moment where they stop fighting, surrender and open themselves, and embrace their situation rather than push it away. Drop into your suffering – Let Go.

Dr Steve Taylor describes a 3-stage process to harnessing the transformational potential of adversity when crises occur in our lives:

1. Acknowledgement – face the reality of your predicament/situation – remain open - don’t mentally push it away – acknowledge it – bring it to the forefront of your awareness. It means contemplating the effects on your life, accepting the consequences and acknowledging the effects on people in your life around you.

2. Exploration – go inside yourself, enter your own being and bring the light of awareness and explore your own experience. Be aware of your negative feelings and the thoughts which accompany them. Even if the feelings are painful, the pain will diminish as you become aware of them. You will become aware of a space or distance from those thoughts or feelings. Allow that distance to grow wider and expand, through recovery. You will feel how the emotions or thoughts become less disturbing like ripples on a lake that fade away and settle until the surface of the lake becomes calm. The light of awareness takes away anxiety. We become one with our feelings and they become more benign and harmonious. Like you are simply sitting in stillness watch the river go by.

3. Acceptance – the most important stage of this process - once you are aware of your resistance, you can make a conscious decision to let go of it. Instead, embrace and accept your predicament. Accept the predicament and the feelings and thoughts that accompany it. Let go and release. Imagine a bond or cord connecting you to the situation – you can feel the tension connecting you to the experience – now imagine that the cord dissolves and as it dissolves you feel release. You can do this with your outbreaths when meditating and let go of your connection to these emotions. Then you undergo a transformation – feeling wellbeing and release rather than conflict. The more present you become the richer the experience is. Look at your life from a panorama as though it’s a landscape – embrace the whole of the landscape just as it is right now in a mode of acceptance and openness.

The alchemy of acceptance: Trauma can leave your life in ruins, or it can transform you and give rise to the depths of your being and give structure, strength and a miraculous new self. Desire for a different life will no longer plague your mind. You will feel a constant flow of gratitude for the gifts you have. All these are the result of acceptance. Grief needs acceptance. Trauma needs acceptance. Addiction needs acceptance. When we resist any aspect of our life it creates discord, resentment, duality (always in opposition and conflict to something). If you accept it you become one with it and your life becomes harmonious. Let go of your resistance. There is an evolutionary aspect to these experiences. Spiritual awakening is part of the evolution of human consciousness to a higher functioning state.

Find your purpose

Find your purpose: What are your values? BE your values.

Pablo Picasso said “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” Find your Dharma. Dharma is the Sanskrit word for ‘life’s purpose’ Don’t compare your self to others. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Brené Brown writes “Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be; embrace who you are.” We each have a unique talent. When we find our talent by looking inside we feel it physically like when we are totally present or in nature. Transformation is like fitting the pieces of the jigsaw together. When we first meet in the context of TLC we open your 'box' and find a bag of jumbled up jigsaw pieces. After TLC when we open the box we find that all the pieces are where they are meant to be – you have become aligned to your purpose and core values.

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony" (Mahatma Gandhi)

Workaholism is when you burn out as you apply all your efforts, drive, and determination to find validation rather than to BE your purpose. Like any addiction it is driven by shame, fear, egocentric need for control, feelings of not being worthy and unloved. You climb the wrong tower as you were asleep and find your self at the top and feel unfulfilled and realise that you climbed the wrong tower. Thats a very destabilising place to find your self. The tower collapses as it has no foundations and is a house of cards. Finding your self is the rock solid foundation upon which you build your tower.

Friedrich Nietzsche wrote “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” Viktor Frankl said “The meaning of life is to give meaning.” “The secret of success is constant purpose” Benjamin Disraeli. St Francis of Assisi wrote "Be patient in trials, watchful in prayer, and never cease working." Jesus said “For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?” “Don't let a mad world tell you that success is anything other than a successful present moment” (Tolle).

In some professions there is a reported burnout rate of more than 50 percent. Understanding the stages of burnout is crucial to analyse your own work habits and make sure burn out does not go unchecked.

The 12 stages of burn out were designed by psychologists Herbert Freudenberger and Gail North to accurately identify and combat burnout are:

1. Excessive ambition - I would replace this with a pathological need for validation like your life depends on it

2. Pushing yourself to work harder

3. Ignoring your own needs

4. Displacement of conflict

5. Not giving time to non-work activities

6. Denial

7. Withdrawal

8. Behavioural changes

9. Depersonalisation

10. Anxiety

11. Depression

12. Mental or physical breakdown

I would add 13. Death. Is this a route you would like to take? When one lends distance to the view one can see the insanity of this process.

Core values - choose your top 10. Then your top 5. Then your number 1 core value. These will guide you to your purpose. During TLC we will explore the values, 'filters', beliefs, memories, traumas, passions, attitudes, energies, assumptions, emotions, limitations, hidden strengths, situations, and expectations that you have below the surface and bring these to the light so that you can access them, reframe your thoughts and set epic goals for you to achieve.

Help others

Saint Francis of Assisi said:

“Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love,

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console,

To be understood as to understand,

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.”

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others” (Gandhi). “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared" (Buddha). Milan Kundera wrote “The worth of a human being lies in the ability to extend oneself, to go outside oneself, to exist in and for other people.”

Power is not controlling other people. Power is controlling your self. Trying to control other people is the first sign that you are entirely out of control. Controlling others is what weak people who are full of fear and self-doubt think power looks like: This applies to individuals, work places and institutions. Martin Luther King, Jr., minister and civil rights movement leader, said “An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.” He continued “Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” Marianne Williamson wrote “As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others… Personal transformation can and does have global effects. As we go, so goes the world, for the world is us. The revolution that will save the world is ultimately a personal one.”

The Bible gives great clarity on doing service:

Corinthians 9:6-8 “Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.”

Jesus taught that “It is better to give than receive.” (Acts 20:35).

In Proverbs 18:16 “A gift opens the way and ushers the giver into the presence of the great.”

Proverbs 11:25 “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”

Luke 6:38 “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Robin Sharma wrote “You can’t make someone feel good about themselves until you feel good about yourself. Investing in yourself is the best investment you will ever make. it will not only improve your life, it will improve the lives of all those around you. I once read that people who study others are wise but those who study themselves are enlightened. As you strive to help others your own life will be elevated to its highest dimensions. This truth is based on an ancient paradigms for extraordinary living… He who serves the most reaps the most. This is the way to inner peace and outer fulfilment.”

Limiting beliefs

You are confined only by the walls you build your self. “You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can’t have it” (Robert Anthony, organisational theorist, and professor of management control).

Compassion

Compassion, and in particular self-compassion as this is where all compassion begins, is essential to Enlightenment. "If there are people you haven't forgiven, you're not going to really awaken. You have to let go"(Eckhart Tolle). Buddha said “Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge” and “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” Carl Jung wrote “Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.” Make peace with your past so that it wont disturb your future. Buddha said “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Nelson Mandela echoed “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemy.” A Chinese proverb sums this up "If you hold on to resentment, you may as well dig two graves." Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own. Jesus said “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to cast a stone.” Friedrich Nietzsche said “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” Who are you to judge? Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” “Be curious, not judgmental” (Walt Whitman, poet and journalist).

"A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty" (Albert Einstein).

Vulnerability

Vulnerability and openness are your strengths - be open! Honestly! “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change” (Brené Brown).

“It takes a brave person to be open. To speak your truth even when your voice shakes and to feel safe to show up as who you truly are is how warriors roll. Anyone can put on a mask. It’s easy to wear a suit of armour as you navigate this dangerous world. Yet to be raw and real and decent and good. Oh - that takes strength. And true leadership” (Robin Sharma).

Be assertive

Communicate assertively. Communication styles may be:

• Assertive (which is never aggressive)

• Aggressive

• Passive-aggressive (which is aggressive)

• Passive (which may be aggressive)

The key to all communication is to remain assertive at all times. This is when we come from our authentic, adult self. Life is indeed best viewed and lived as a series of assertive decisions made without the influence of strong emotions. We avoid conflict like the plague and rightly so, but we can be assertively angry, as long as we are not aggressive in any way. One can even apologise assertively when necessary, and this is. sign of personal strength.

Self-sabotage

It's time to stop self-sabotage. An African proverb says “If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm.” “No one is to be called an enemy, all are your benefactors, and no one does you harm. You have no enemy except yourselves” (Saint Francis of Assisi).

Let go

Peace and serenity are proportionate to the degree of surrender. Never ruin a good day by thinking about a bad yesterday. Letting go sets us free of what we thought we wanted but wasn't meant for us. You will get what you need to grow. Eckhart Tolle wrote “Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it… Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”

Be authentic

“The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are - without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are” (Debbie Ford), coach and author). “The path of spiritual awakening involves uncovering the values and ideas that are authentic to you, regardless of what others think” (Danielle Kloberdanz, developmental psychologist). “You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness” (Brené Brown). What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think – or letting go of how you feel, what you believe, and who you are? "Being your true authentic self means what you say in life aligns with what your actions” (Brené Brown). “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony” (Mahatma Gandhi). Authenticity is a concept in psychology, psychiatry, and existential philosophy. In existentialism, authenticity is the degree to which a person's actions are congruent with their beliefs and desires, despite external pressures to conform:

1. Speaking your opinions honestly in a healthy way

2. Making decisions that align with your values and beliefs

3. Pursuing your passions

4. Listening to the intuitive inner voice guiding you forward - you cant not create when you are BEing

5. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open-hearted

6. Setting boundaries and walking away from toxic people and situations

Existentialism may be seen as a philosophical movement that rejects that life has an inherent meaning, but that instead requires each individual to posit his or her own subjective values. As a result, questions regarding existence and subjective experience are seen as being of paramount importance, and initially above all other scientific and philosophical pursuits.

Gratitude

Gratitude not attitude. Being happy doesn’t mean you have it all. It simply means you’re thankful for what you have. “Upon awakening, let the words Thank You flow from your lips, for this will remind you to begin your day with gratitude and compassion" (Dyer). “The richest person in the world, I’ve since discovered, isn’t the person who has the most but the one who needs the least” (Sharma). “Every grateful thought is both an acknowledgment and seed of abundance” (Stephen Sainato - lawyer and spiritual leader).

Become a creator

When you find your purpose through transformation you create intuitively. By BEing you can’t help creating and DOing. "We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust” (Rumi). Michael Bridge said “When our eyes see our hands doing the work of our hearts, the circle of Creation is completed inside us, the doors of our souls fly open and love steps forth to heal everything in sight.” Roy Bennett, politician, wrote “Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.” St Francis of Assisi wrote “Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” Rumi wrote “When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy." Bring light to the world by BEing your values and creating effortlessly. "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle" (Einstein). You will create magic and miracles.

Become a creator, not a victim. The Karpman Drama Triangle Explained.

There’s nothing wrong with me!

There’s nothing wrong with me! I don’t need waking up! Carl Jung said “Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.” Eckhart Tolle wrote “Authentic human interactions become impossible when you lose yourself in a role.” Are you carrying a deep existential angst? Something deep inside you tells you that everything isn’t right, but to avoid facing your buried emotions you dive into work, thinking things will get better when you achieve the next financial target. This won’t end well.

Existentialism is a form of philosophical inquiry that explores the problem of human existence and centre’s on the lived experience of the thinking, feeling, acting individual. In the view of the existentialist, the individual's starting point has been called "the existential angst," a sense of dread, disorientation, confusion, or anxiety in the face of an apparently meaningless or absurd world. Existentialist thinkers frequently explore issues related to the meaning, purpose, and value of human existence,

Jack Welch said “Change before you have to.” Carl Yung wrote “In each of us there is another whom we do not know… If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s… Every human life contains a potential, if that potential is not fulfilled, then that life was wasted... It is often tragic to see how blatantly a man bungles his own life and the lives of others yet remains totally incapable of seeing how much the whole tragedy originates in himself, and how he continually feeds it and keeps it going.” He went on “About a third of my cases are suffering from no clinically definable neurosis, but from the senselessness and emptiness of their lives. This can be defined as the general neurosis of our times.”

Success without fulfilment is the ultimate failure. Our primary identity is our soul, not our ego. Our ego doesn’t want to be woken up as it is afraid of not being fed and validated. When we make life choices from fear and ego we chase happiness, validation, worthiness and ‘enoughness’ through work, money ,and relationships. We trade our soul for money, valuable time, sacrifice and short time highs like behavioural or substance addiction and wonder why we feel so empty when we reach our goal that our ego had convinced us would bring us satisfaction and happiness. So the transformation journey is to remember who you are at a soul level and to create your existence from there. To deactivate the irrational ego. Then we identify ourselves to soul. We realise we have a choice. We can take conscious rebellion, disrupt the ego, and get out of our own way. We can then move into expansion abundance, trust, and growth, by making our subconscious behaviours conscious, through transformation and awakening. The majority of people think “I want that” only to get there and feel unfulfilled. As an unconscious human we get caught up in programming, societal norms, judgement, superiority and inferiority. We completely forget that success without fulfilment is the ultimate failure and we are always hungry for more. We need to build from the inside act for long term happiness. Do you need to know how to connect to your soul and find a state of being this is created from your heart, to live a life of peace and fulfilment? That’s where TLC comes in. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.

Lao Tzu wrote “If you do not change direction you may end up where you are heading.” Robin Sharma says “Yes, your transformation will be hard. Yes, you will feel frightened, messed up and knocked down. Yes, you’ll want to stop. Yes, it’s the best work you’ll ever do.” Remember what Gandhi said: “My lfe is my message.” Buddha said “There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.” Gandhi declared “To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.”

Wake up

Khalil Gibran wrote "Spiritual awakening is the most essential thing in man's life, and it is the sole purpose of being." Marcus Aurelius said “It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” Rumi called us to action “Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames…. The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you… Don't go back to sleep There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled. You feel it, don't you?” Anthony De Mello wrote “Before changing the world transform yourself. Nightmares can’t hurt you when you wake up. You will change effortlessly when you wake up: As the light of awareness settles on darkness it disappears. Whatever is bad will disappear. Whatever is good will be fostered. Awareness is the most delightful and important thing in the world." Socrates said "The unaware life is not worth living. Most people don’t live aware lives.” Amit Ray said “Raise you awareness and share your uniqueness to the world.”

Swami Vivekananda said “You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul. The awakening of the soul to its bondage and its effort to stand up and assert itself – this is called life. All power is within you; you can do anything and everything. Believe in that, do not believe that you are weak; do not believe that you are half-crazy lunatics, as most of us do nowadays. You can do anything and everything, without even the guidance of anyone. Stand up and express the divinity within you. They alone live, who live for others. Whatever you think that you will be. If you think yourself weak, weak you will be; if you think yourself strong, you will be. Believe in yourself and the world will be at your feet. All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark."

Failure

Embrace and reframe 'failure'. FAIL means “First Attempt in Learning.” Henry Ford said “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again.” Brené Brown wrote “There is no innovation and creativity without failure. Period.” Robin Sharma said “Every event has a purpose and every setback its lesson. I have realised that failure, whether of the personal, professional or even spiritual kind, is essential to personal expansion. It brings inner growth and a whole host of psychic rewards. Never regret your past. Rather, embrace it as the teacher that it is.” Carl Jung called us to action “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” Eckhart Tolle says “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”

Marcus Aurelius said: “Everything that happens happens as it should, and if you observe carefully, you will find this to be so.” Winston Churchill said “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” The concept of Amor Fati – means Love your fate. This Stoic philosophy teaches us that what happens to us is not ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – the obstacle is the way, so we should stay calm as events are simply lessons. Friedrich Nietzsche echoed “Love Your Fate”, which is in fact your life.” Anthony De Mello wrote “Ignore ups and downs. Become totally unaffected by praise or blame.” Robin Sharma wrote “There are no mistakes in life, only lessons. There is no such thing as a negative experience, only opportunities to grow, learn and advance along the road of selfmastery. From struggle comes strength. Even pain can be a wonderful teacher.” Steve Maraboli summarised “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” There is a Japanese proverb which says“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” Ralph Waldo Emerson “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.”

Stoic Philosphy teaches us:

• Remain present.

• Treat good and bad as simply lessons – become equanimous. Love your fate

• Control only what you can control - that is the way to use your power. You can’t change the rules of the game but you do control how you play the game: You cant choose your cards, but you choose how to play them

• Memento Mori - Remember you will die – so, live for today

Joseph Campbell was inspired by Friedrich Nietzsche, writing “Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, 'This is what I need.' It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment - not discouragement - you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow. Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.”

It is so fascinating when we examine philosophy how there is always an antecedent. We are simply voices echoing timeless wisdom for our world as it is now. For example when we read the 'Bhagavad Gita', chapter 2, verse 38, Lord Krishna advises Arjuna about what his attitude should be to events in his life, said Kidambi Narayanan, in a discourse. Krishna says: Treat success and failure, profit and loss, happy occurrences and unhappy ones, just the same. And that is what Rama demonstrates through His responses to His father’s orders and Kaikeyi’s wishes. Think of a stick, that is carried along by river water. If the current is swift, the stick moves fast. If the water moves slowly, so does the stick. The stick has no control over its movement. We should be like the stick. It may be argued that the stick is inanimate, while we are not. But the message which we should take from this example is that we have to accept the inevitable.

Eckhart Tolle echoes “Don't look for peace. Don't look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.”

In my favourite poem by Kipling: he says we should treat triumph and disaster "just the same":

If

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Love

Love, unconditionally, starting with your self, but do not seek love. Buddha said “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection.” In Corinthians 16:14 “Let everything you do be in love.” Rumi wrote “In every religion there is love. Yet love has no religion.” St Francis of Assisi wrote “Lord, grant that I might not so much seek to be loved as to love.” Mahatma Gandhi said “Where there is love there is life.” “It is only when you have mastered the art of loving your Self that you can truly love others. it's only when you have opened your own heart that you can touch the hearts of others. when you feel cantered and alive, you are in much better position to be a better person” Robin Sharma).

Emmet Fox said “There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer: no disease that love will not heal: no door that enough love will not open...It makes no difference how deep set the trouble: How hopeless the outlook: How muddled the tangle: How great the mistake. A sufficient realisation of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world.”

The Dalai Lama said “The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless your action will be.” Mahatma Gandhi wrote “Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the one derived from fear of punishment.” Anthony De Mello echoed “There are only two things in the world - fear and love. There is only one evil in the world - fear. There is only one good in the world - love. It is also called joy, peace, serenity, spirituality, freedom, awareness.” Mahatma Gandhi said “Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.” Ram Dass said “The most important aspect of love is not in giving or the receiving its in the BEing.” Martin Luther King has the final word “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality.”

Action

Ready, steady, action! St Francis of Assisi wrote "Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." Henry Ford famously said “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” Eleanor Roosevelt’s take on this was “You must do the things you think you cannot do.” Mahatma Gandhi said “The future depends on what you do today.”

“Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case it's no longer a mistake. If you remain stuck, you learn nothing.” (Tolle).

Jenni Schaefer said “Real hope combined with real action has always pulled me through difficult times. Real hope combined with doing nothing has never pulled me through.”

Enlightenment

Enlightenment is not a goal to be attained, it is a state-of-being to be regained.

“Knowing others is Wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment” (Lao Tzu).

The Zen teaching of Bodhidharma “But people of the deepest understanding look within, distracted by nothing. Since a clear mind is the Buddha, they attain the understanding of a Buddha without using the mind… Not creating delusions is enlightenment.” “Enlightenment is always there. Small Enlightenment will bring great Enlightenment. If you breathe in and are aware that you are alive - that you can touch the miracle of being alive - then that is a kind of Enlightenment... We need Enlightenment, not just individually but collectively, to save the planet. We need to awaken ourselves. We need to practice mindfulness if we want to have a future, if we want to save ourselves and the planet” (Thich Nhat Hanh). Ramana Maharshi concurred “Your own self-realisation is the greatest service you can render the world.”

Marianne Williamson suggested that “Enlightenment is the key to everything, the key to intimacy, because it is the goal of true authenticity.” “I believe enlightenment or revelation comes in daily life. I look for joy, the peace of action. You need action. I'd have stopped writing years ago if it were for the money” (Paul Coelho).

Deepak Chopra wrote “According to Vedanta, there are only two symptoms of enlightenment, just two indications that a transformation is taking place within you toward a higher consciousness. The first symptom is that you stop worrying. Things don't bother you anymore. You become light-hearted and full of joy. The second symptom is that you encounter more and more meaningful coincidences in your life, more and more synchronicities. And this accelerates to the point where you actually experience the miraculous.”

Osho said “One thing: you have to walk, and create the way by your walking; you will not find a ready-made path. It is not so cheap, to reach to the ultimate realisation of truth. You will have to create the path by walking yourself; the path is not ready-made, lying there and waiting for you. It is just like the sky: the birds fly, but they don't leave any footprints. You cannot follow them; there are no footprints left behind.”

Immanuel Kant, philosopher and one of the central scientific enlightenment thinkers, demonstrates the parallels with spiritual enlightenment “Enlightenment is man's release from his self-incurred tutelage. Tutelage is man's inability to make use of his understanding without direction from another. Self-incurred is this tutelage when its cause lies not in lack of reason but in lack of resolution and courage to use it without direction from another. Sapere aude! 'Have courage to use your own reason!'- that is the motto of enlightenment.”

Anthony De Mello said “The secret for awakening and being happy forever is this: if you do not identify with any labels most of your fears cease. Nothing will have the power to hurt you. You will remain at peace. That’s being a natural human being. Not affected by others. The main preoccupation of society is to keep people sick - Addicted and labelled. Money has nothing to do with success. You are a success in life when you wake up and don’t need to explain anything to anyone. Then you are happy and a success - waking up. A job and fame are just labels and are not real success. Our society and culture are telling us that success and money are all that matters. People that are like that are not happy and don’t enjoy life - they all identify the I with a label. When you wake up - I is never a success or failure. Awareness is happiness. Awareness will bring the change of enlightenment. With time you will react less and act more. Do things with enjoyment not competition. If there is someone who you don’t like. Say to them I haven’t the right to have any expectation from you.”

William Blake wrote “Enlightenment means taking full responsibility for your life.”“If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place. Primary reality is within; secondary reality without” (Tolle). “An enlightened man had but one duty - to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led” (Hermann Hesse).

“Not till your thoughts cease all their branching here and there, not till you abandon all thoughts of seeking for something, not till your mind is motionless as wood or stone, will you be on the right road to the Gate” (Huang Po). “To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment” (Tolle).

Marianne Williamson wrote “From a mind filled with infinite love comes the power to create infinite possibilities. We have the power to think in ways that reflect and attract all the love in the world. Such thinking is called enlightenment. Enlightenment is not a process we work toward, but a choice available to us in any instant.” Buddha said “To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.”

Eckhart Tolle wrote “You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle... Your outer journey may contain a million steps; your inner journey only has one: the step you are taking right now.”

Introspection

Take a period of introspection. “So take the time to think. Discover your real reason for being here and then have the courage to act on it.” Robin Sharma.

“What you think you want is really not what you want. When you have it all and you are soul crushingly depressed. I have achieved all my goals and it this it? Where do I go from here? Bigger and better won’t do it. Don’t sit in a malaise. Make your money before you turn into a philosopher. Stop messing around. Go all in. Say to your self "I am going to crush this". Don’t be an armchair quarterback. How do you figure out what you want? Take 3-6 months of TLC. If you do this right this will be the biggest spiritual experience you can imagine. You don’t know what you want. Go inside. And figure out what you want. Create stuff that is for you. As the saying goes 'Don’t put lipstick on a pig'. Take consciousness and bring it inside. It will guide you. It won’t be things or feelings. “I want to know that whatever happens outside I will be ok.” Figure what you want before creating a dream life. You will realise you already have everything you want inside. Then create everything else around that - relationships, business etc etc.. spend the time working out what you want first.” The you will have unshakeable foundations.

Inner tranquility

Jesus said “Be still and know I am God.” What was meant by that is stop fighting (be still) and to become self aware (know that the Kingdom of God is inside you). It is only by doing this that we are truly surrendering and letting go of control. We can be at peace as we are awakened and do not need to change anything outside of us. Eckhart Tolle confirms this “You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realising who you are at the deepest level… Is there a difference between happiness and inner peace? Yes. Happiness depends on conditions being perceived as positive; inner peace does not… All true artists, whether they know it or not, create from a place of no-mind, from inner stillness.” Swami Sivananda, yoga guru, physician, and spiritual teacher, wrote “The real spiritual progress of the aspirant is measured by the extent to which he achieves inner tranquillity."

Be epic

Nelson Mandela said “There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

How do you have an epic life? By doing epic things. Consistently, where the outcome has the opportunity to be epic. Do hard things. How you do something is how you do everything. Find your hard. Take it on. Let death be a teacher for you.

Memento Mori - Remember you will die. Think - anyone I love I want this for them: You need to find out how great you are. Whatever your epic is that really challenges you, do it. Every ceiling is a new floor. Do marathons. Do PhDs. Whatever it might be. Ask your self "What is thing inside I am capable of?" I have yet to find a limit. Your goals are not big enough. Check your goals. Human consciousness is the most powerful force in the Universe. Don’t play small - it’s not you. Have goals so big that you don’t know how you will achieve them. If you can do it, it’s a task. When it’s big enough it’s a goal. You cannot outdo who you are BEing. “Man’s chief delusion is his conviction that there are causes other than his own state of consciousness” (Neville Goddard). If you want a level 10 outcome you need to be a level 10 consciousness. So our job is to raise our consciousness to the level we want to achieve - then that stuff will just happen. Flow, manifestation. Alchemising. Whatever you want to call it. So you have to either learn to love what you are doing if you can find a way of making it align with your values or burn it all down and start again. For example believe you are a coach to be able to be a coach. I am a fearless transformational coach. Not hustle and grind. Start being it to enable flow. And be determined with your action. If your consciousness is abundance it’s impossible to experience scarcity. And the opposite is also true. BE abundant. Be epic. Be limitless. Just BE!

What does this all mean for TLC?

Your beliefs become your thoughts,

Your thoughts become your words,

Your words become your actions,

Your actions become your habits,

Your habits become your values,

Your values become your destiny.

Mahatma Gandhi

Mahatma Gandhi said “A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes… In a gentle way, you can shake the world... Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

Transformative Life Coaching will not tell you to do anything. It will not teach you anything. It will drop you into your heart and out of your thoughts so that you will see who you truly are. Buddha said “Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others.”

Transformative Life Coaching is a subset of coaching that uses these techniques to explore your inner world of limiting beliefs, critical self-talk, assumptions, core values, meaning, self-awareness, purpose, and expectations in the context of personal discovery and growth. It draws on all the other coaching types and it goes considerably deeper, further and wider than other methods of coaching in this regard: It entails the most intense degrees of listening, with laser-like intensity, in order for me to be aware of what you're saying and to investigate what's left unsaid. Where appropriate, I will ask the challenging question in order to inspire change by bringing into the room what you aren't saying. I'll establish a safe space for you to fully open up, and I'll use silence as a tool for deeper client reflection. What distinguishes TLC from other styles of coaching is what I pay attention to and what I discuss with you. A paradigm shift - a total perceptual and conceptual change in your thinking and internal picture of the world - is the result of the deep change you've experienced with TLC.

Carl Jung wrote “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” This means that we need to look below the surface of the iceberg – that is the very nature of TLC - TLC is concerned with facilitating self-actualisation. TLC delves deep into your mind, focusing on who you are and what you want to become. Because it is about 'being' rather than 'doing,' transformational coaching is an ontological approach. Human BEings, not human DOings, are who we are. "Who do you choose to be?" is the big TLC coaching question. Learning and doing what it takes to grow into the embodiment of that choice in being is what makes the process transformational. In TLC conversations, you will still bring your personal goals, aspirations, and big dreams to the table; however, both you and I are aware that these serve as the context for a deeper dive within, not the end-game in and of themselves.

"Who do I need to be in order for my goals or desires to become a reality?" is the motivating question you'll need to consider in TLC. The transformational path is the 'being' process, and the final goal is the embodiment of greater than realised levels of existence. A transformative life coach can help you dive beneath the surface and immerse yourself in self-exploration, examining your beliefs, images, and interpretations about who you are and what your purpose and place in the world are. It's all of these things that contribute to your current way of being, and examining them sheds light on why you experience life the way you do.

As a coaching client, you must be willing to confront hidden fears and beliefs in order to break free from thought and emotion patterns that have kept you hostage for a lifetime. The urge for equally large adjustments in your behaviour, decisions, and emotions is created when you grow dramatically at the fundamental level of mind, within your internal operating system. Real transformation happens over time, and the required thoughts, attitudes, and behaviours that serve to bring envisioned goals into actuality will emerge spontaneously as an expression of your higher nature's fulfilment.

The function of the transformative life coach is to keep the attention on the deeper realm's growth potentials and to stimulate investigation of being before taking action. BEing comes before doing, and doing comes after BEing. Many executives believe that you come to coaching looking for problem-solving skills, but what you really need is to learn how to transform your entire sense of self into a more enlightened condition. This will cause you to think differently "I am worthy. I know who I am. I express who I truly am." This long-term shift in consciousness necessitates a transformational shift, bringing zest, tranquilly, verve, and creativity into your daily life and realising your full potential.

If I may finish with a quote from the Bhagavad Gita “Every selfless act, Arjuna, is born from Brahman, the eternal, infinite Godhead. He is present in every act of service. All life turns on this law, O Arjuna. Whoever violates it, indulging his senses for his own pleasure and ignoring the needs of others, has wasted his life. But he who realises his Self is always satisfied. Having found the source of joy and fulfilment, they no longer seek happiness from the external world. They have nothing to gain or lose by any action; neither people nor things can affect their security. Strive constantly to serve the welfare of the world; by devotion to selfless work one attains the supreme goal of life. Do your work with the welfare of others always in mind.” How can you fail?

Summary

To become Enlightened we must look within. This is why you cant be taught or mentored to awakening. However, because we listen to random thoughts that are not our mind we need guiding to remain on our own path. Otherwise we have a tendency to stray into negative thinking. Also, by echoing our own values with clarity we can really see who we are through TLC. Eventually we become so self aware that we become our own coach. TLC achieves all these things and more. As a discipline it is constantly evolving. It encompasses philosophy, positive psychology, timeless spiritual truths, business culture in companies with compassionate leadership that have seen the benefits of wellbeing on productivity. Occasionally we need signposting, as well as being kept on our path. And TLC helps us to see our mind from above and really help us to see the consequences of alternative choices. When it comes to executive coaching, the goal is often to attain a simple goal, but what you really need is a fundamental alteration in your character to multiply your capability: TLC is required. TLC is in high demand in business organisations as the most successful corporations become increasingly conscious of this.

TLC, rather than merely doing things differently, generates the highest level of internal shift in your character, finding clarity, purpose, and being more self-aware, even to a state of grace. TLC brings about significant changes in your life: new opportunities arise; you transform into a creator. TLC can provide happiness, spiritual awakening, and even enlightenment. TLC, in other words, accomplishes self-initiated change.

TLC causes a long-term shift in mentality that has ramifications throughout your life, which is both powerful and purposeful. To attract what you want like a magnet, you must use resources you didn't even realise you had. It has the same effect as the Earth's gravitational pull. You will be able to materialise your heart's desires without fear of your own power once you have learned how to function like gravity.

World-class coaches recognise that their job is to help you make genuine, long-term changes. This can only be accomplished with TLC: it has the ability to produce incredible positive changes in a matter of days, weeks, or months. It's critical that your TLC coach has experienced significant transformation through lived life experience and TLC! This enables me to deal with clients from all over the world. So keep in mind that not all coaching is transformational. To be this powerful, it needs to be TLC!

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” ― Carl Gustav Jung

Transformative Life Coaching:

• Is about envisioning what is truly possible without compromise

• Gaining awareness about your talents, motivators, dreams, fears, cultural influences, and assumptions, then exploring how they are shaping your worldview

• Shifting to an empowered perspective and mindset

• Realising that success does not happen in isolation, but by having support through your transformational journey

• Defining what fulfilment looks like

• Designing your own terms for success and happiness

Namaste.

Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.

Olly

Dr Olly Alexander Branford MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD.

Fully qualified and certified coach

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Hello,

I am delighted and enchanted to meet you. I coach men with 'Deep Coaching', 'Supercoaching', and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my email for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching on Zoom or in person. 

Speak to you soon,

Dr Olly Alexander Branford MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD

Fully qualified and certified coach

hello@transformativelifecoach.co.uk

“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.”

Dr Olly Alexander Branford

My coaching themes and services for men: Transformative Life Coaching, Transformational Coaching, Life Coaching, Personal Coaching, Positive Psychology Coaching, Recovery Coaching, Trauma Informed Coaching, Work Addiction Coaching, Workaholism Coaching, Addiction Coaching, Mindfulness Coaching.

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I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have a number of other higher qualifications in science and surgery. I have published over 50 peer reviewed PubMed cited scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for over five years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.

I hear you. I see the highest in you, and I will continue to do so until you see it for your Self. I have ultimate compassion for you I will never judge you. We will fulfil your dreams and discover your purpose and what gives your life meaning. We are dealing with infinite possibility here. Together, we will lead you to remembering the light that resides in you. I have written 400 articles for you and an eBook to guide you on your transformative journey, which are all available for free on my website - click on the link below: