In the brilliant book by Ryan Holiday on Stoic Philosophy ‘The Obstacle is The Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials in to Triumph’, he quotes the Latin ‘Amor Fati’, which means ‘love your fate’. When you encounter obstacles, challenges, and difficulties you may not only not be unhindered by them, but you may use them as catalysts for growth and transformation: To the point where you may love them. The situation is the way it needs to be in that moment. It’s not the situation that needs to change, it’s us. It's the struggle that creates the hero. This day, give thanks for your struggles and difficulties. Obstacles shake your soul and release your glory.
Holiday says “We forget: In life, it doesn’t matter what happens to you or where you came from. It matters what you do with what happens and what you’ve been given… The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Never forget, within every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition… Focus on the moment, not the (perceived) monsters that may or may not be up ahead… Each time, you’ll learn something. Each time, you’ll develop strength, wisdom, and perspective. Each time, a little more of the competition falls away. Until all that is left is you: The best version of you… Blessings and burdens are not mutually exclusive... On the path to successful action, we will fail - possibly many times. And that’s okay. It can be a good thing, even. Action and failure are two sides of the same coin. One doesn’t come without the other. What breaks this critical connection down is when people stop acting - because they’ve taken failure the wrong way… See things for what they are. Do what we can. Endure and bear what we must. What blocked the path now is a path. What once impeded action advances action. The Obstacle is the Way.” When you have a goal, obstacles are actually teaching you how to get where you want to go - carving you a path. “The Things which hurt,” Benjamin Franklin wrote, “instruct.”
Amor Fati - love your fate
Problems are rarely as bad as we think. Or rather, they are precisely as bad as we think. As William Shakespeare, the greatest author of all time, and a spiritual Master wrote “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
‘Crisis’
Holiday wrote “Bad companies are destroyed by crisis. Good companies survive them. Great companies are improved by them.”
Claiming the 'victim' role never gets you anywhere. As Holiday wrote “Give yourself clarity, not sympathy.”
Harm is your choice
Marcus Aurelius wrote “Choose not to be harmed - and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed - and you haven’t been.”
Holiday wrote “If an emotion can't change the condition or the situation you're dealing with, it is likely an unhelpful emotion. Or, quite possibly, a destructive one. But it's what I feel. Right, no one said anything about not feeling it. No one said you can't ever cry. Forget "manliness." If you need to take a moment, by all means, go ahead. Real strength lies in the control or, as Nassim Taleb put it, the domestication of one's emotions, not in pretending they don't exist.”
Perspective
Holiday wrote “Where the head goes, the body follows. Perception precedes action. Right action follows the right perspective… For all species other than us humans, things just are what they are. Our problem is that we’re always trying to figure out what things mean - why things are the way they are. As though the why matters. Emerson put it best: “We cannot spend the day in explanation.”... You know what’s better than building things up in your imagination? Building things up in real life.” Don’t waste time on false constructs… “How we interpret the events in our lives, our perspective, is the framework for our forthcoming response - whether there will even be one or whether we’ll just lie there and take it. Where the head goes, the body follows. Perception precedes action. Right action follows the right perspective… What matters most is not what these obstacles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure… Desperation, despair, fear, powerlessness - these reactions are functions of our perceptions. You must realise: Nothing makes us feel this way; we choose to give in to such feelings. Or, like Rockefeller, choose not to… The struggle against an obstacle inevitably propels the fighter to a new level of functioning. The extent of the struggle determines the extent of the growth. The obstacle is an advantage, not adversity. The enemy is any perception that prevents us from seeing this… Every negative has a positive. Push a negative hard enough and deep enough that it will break through into its counterside... Just because your mind tells you that something is awful or evil or unplanned or otherwise negative doesn’t mean you have to agree. Just because other people say that something is hopeless or crazy or broken to pieces doesn’t mean it is. We decide what story to tell ourselves. Or whether we will tell one at all. Welcome to the power of perception. Applicable in each and every situation, impossible to obstruct. It can only be relinquished. And that is your decision.”
Work on your who you are BEing
Holiday wrote “The only guarantee, ever, is that things will go wrong. The only thing we can use to mitigate this is anticipation. Because the only variable we control completely is ourselves.”
Choices
Holiday wrote “To argue, to complain, or worse, to just give up, these are choices. Choices that more often than not, do nothing to get us across the finish line.”
Attitude
Holiday wrote "We blame our bosses, the economy, our politicians, other people, or we write ourselves off as failures or our goals as impossible. When really only one thing is at fault: Our attitude and approach."
Persistence is key
Epictetus, the great philosopher wrote “Persist and resist". Persist in your efforts. Resist giving into distraction, discouragement, and disorder.
Strength
Remember the Latin phrase ‘Vires acquirit eundo’ (we gather strength as we go).
Transmute the pain into success and joy
Holiday wrote “A good person dyes events with his own colour and turns whatever happens to his own benefit.”
A cool head
Holiday wrote “When we aim high, pressure and stress obligingly come along for the ride. Stuff is going to happen that catches us off guard, threatens or scares us. Surprises (unpleasant ones, mostly) are almost guaranteed. The risk of being overwhelmed is always there. In these situations, talent is not the most sought-after characteristic. Grace and poise are, because these two attributes precede the opportunity to deploy any other skill. We must possess, as Voltaire once explained about the secret to the great military success of the first Duke of Marlborough, that "Tranquil courage in the midst of tumult and serenity of soul in danger, which the English call a cool head… Discipline in perception lets you clearly see the advantage and the proper course of action in every situation - without the pestilence of panic or fear… The Greeks had a word for this: Apatheia. It's the kind of calm equanimity that comes with the absence of irrational or extreme emotions. Not the loss of feeling altogether, just the loss of the harmful, unhelpful kind. Don't let the negativity in, don't let those emotions even get started. Just say: No, thank you. I can't afford to panic… Where one person sees a crisis, another can see opportunity. Where one is blinded by success, another sees reality with ruthless objectivity. Where one loses control of emotions, another can remain calm. Desperation, despair, fear, powerlessness - these reactions are functions of our perceptions. You must realise: Nothing makes us feel this way; we choose to give in to such feelings… You will come across obstacles in life - fair and unfair. And you will discover, time and time again, that what matters most is not what these obstacles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure.”
Holiday continued "When people panic, they make mistakes.They become unresponsive and stop thinking clearly. They just react."Fear is the mind killer.
The countermove
Holiday wrote “There is always a countermove, always an escape or way through. No one said it would be easy and of course the stakes are high, but the path is there for those ready to take it… In life, it doesn’t matter what happens to you or where you came from. It matters what you do with what happens and what you’ve been given. And the only way you’ll do something spectacular is by using it all to your advantage.” Herein lies the countermove.
Now is the time for that great transformation inside you Holiday wrote “Seize this moment to deploy the plan that has long sat dormant in your head.”
You slip but you don’t fall
Holiday wrote “Great entrepreneurs are never out of the game for long. They slip many times, but they don't fall.”
Life is a marathon and not a sprint
Holiday wrote “Knowing that life is a marathon and not a sprint is important. Conserve your energy. Understand that each battle is only one of many and that you can use it to make the next one easier. More important, you must keep them all in real perspective. Passing one obstacle simply says you’re worthy of more. The world seems to keep throwing them at you once it knows you can take it. Which is good, because we get better with every attempt. Never (be) rattled. Never (be) frantic. Always (be) hustling and acting with creativity. Never anything but deliberate. Never attempting to do the impossible - but everything up to that line. Simply flipping the obstacles that life throws at you by improving in spite of them, because of them. And therefore no longer afraid. But excited, cheerful, and eagerly anticipating the next round.”
The present moment
Holiday wrote “The implications of our obstacle are theoretical - they exist in the past and the future. We live in the moment. And the more we embrace that, the easier the obstacle will be to face and move. You can take the trouble you're dealing with and use it as an opportunity to focus on the present moment. To ignore the totality of your situation and learn to be content with what happens, as it happens. To have no "way" that the future needs to be to confirm your predictions, because you didn't make any. To let each new moment be a refresh wiping clear what came before and what others were hoping would come next.”
The three steps
Holiday wrote “First, see clearly. Next, act correctly. Finally, endure and accept the world as it is.” Let go of fear. Let go of outcomes. This is the way.
Individuals and groups
These principles apply to us individually and collectively. Holiday wrote “It is said of the Jews, deprived of a stable homeland for so long, their temples destroyed, and their communities in the Diaspora, that they were forced to rebuild not physically but within.”
Your only job
Holiday wrote “A man’s job is to make the world a better place to live in, so far as he is able - always remembering the results will be infinitesimal - and to attend to his own soul.”
What is in your power?
As The Serenity Prayer goes: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Holiday wrote “Focusing exclusively on what is in our power magnifies and enhances our power. But every ounce of energy directed at things we can’t actually influence is wasted - self-indulgent and self-destructive. So much power - ours, and other people’s - is frittered away in this manner. To see an obstacle as a challenge, to make the best of it anyway, that is also a choice - a choice that is up to us.”
Action
Holiday wrote “We’ve all done it. Said: “I am so overwhelmed, tired, stressed, busy, blocked, outmatched.” And then what do we do about it? Go out and party. Or treat ourselves. Or sleep in. Or wait. It feels better to ignore or pretend. But you know deep down that that isn’t going to truly make it any better. You’ve got to act. And you’ve got to start now… In every situation, life is asking us a question, and our actions are the answer.”
Viktor Frankl, the psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor wrote “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way… Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become the next moment. By the same token, every human being has the freedom to change at any instant.”
Holiday reminds us to “Seize this moment to deploy the plan that has long sat dormant in your head... An entrepreneur is someone with Faith in their ability to make something where there was nothing before. To them, the idea that no one has ever done this or that is a good thing... Action is commonplace, right action is not. As a discipline, it’s not any kind of action that will do, but directed action. Everything must be done in the service of the whole. Step by step, action by action, we’ll dismantle the obstacles in front of us. With persistence and flexibility, we’ll act in the best interest of our goals. Action requires courage, not brashness - creative application and not brute force. Our movements and decisions define us: We must be sure to act with deliberation, boldness, and persistence. Those are the attributes of right and effective action. Nothing else - not thinking or evasion or aid from others. Action is the solution and the cure to our predicaments.”
Our will is crucial. Holiday wrote "There are far more failures in the world due to a collapse of will than there will ever be from objectively conclusive external events."
Marcus Aurelius wrote "When jarred, unavoidably, by circumstance revert at once to your Self and don’t lose the rhythm more than you can help. You’ll have a better grasp of harmony if you keep going back to it... If we’re to overcome our obstacles, this is the message to broadcast - internally and externally. We will not be stopped by failure, we will not be rushed or distracted by external noise. We will chisel and peg away at the obstacle until it is gone. Resistance is futile.” Holiday continued “Determination, if you think about it, is invincible. Nothing other than death can prevent us from following Churchill’s old acronym: KBO. Keep Buggering On.”
Thoughts without action are empty. Action is both the spark that ignites the fire and the hand thatn strikes the spark.
Holiday wrote “Sometimes, staying put, going sideways, or moving backward is actually the best way to eliminate what blocks or impedes your path.”
Holiday wrote “In actuality, the will has a lot more to do with surrender than with strength. Try “God willing” over “The will to win” or “Willing it into existence,” for even those attributes can be broken. True will is quiet humility, resilience, and flexibility; the other kind of will is weakness disguised by bluster and ambition.” Then, as William Shakespeare wrote "Imitate the action of the tiger; stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood."
Philosophy is a way of living
Holiday wrote “Philosophy's true use - "An operating system for life's difficulties and hardships".” Henry David Thoreau wrote “To be a philosopher is not merely to have subtle thoughts, nor even to found a school... It is to solve some of the problems of life, not only theoretically, but practically."
Conclusions
Without challenges in life, things we may perceive as obstacles and setbacks, there would be no opportunity to grow. With every problem faced and overcome, you become calmer, wiser and stronger. In your mindset, you understand that changes for the better can always be made and that who you are now is not set in stone and who you are destined to be forever more.
As Holiday wrote “You will come across obstacles in life - fair and unfair. And you will discover, time and time again, that what matters most is not what these obstacles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure. You will learn that this reaction determines how successful we will be in overcoming - or possibly thriving because of them. Where one person sees a crisis, another can see opportunity. Where one is blinded by success, another sees reality with ruthless objectivity. Where one loses control of emotions, another can remain calm.”
When you choose to look for positives, you will always find them, and every positive lesson learned is another step towards becoming your best Self.
How do we find our way in the darkness of life? We experience many phases in life. Some lead us into darkness, and some closer to the inner light. We all experience times when we feel we are surrounded by the dark. Things may not go the way we want, or we may experience setbacks in life. But even in the most challenging times, something within us keeps us going; it is the force of life that guides us and leads us to the light through Faith, persistence, and Grace. Don’t lose hope even in the darkest times. Stay connected to your inner Self. Have Faith and believe in infinite possibility. Believe, pray, meditate, and let your inner light shine; you will never be afraid of the darkness.
Keep Faith in your journey, for everything is aligning exactly as it should. You are on the brink of discovering new horizons, forged from the fires of your trials. Believe in your Self, take intuitively inspired action from a place of presence, and let the magic of Faith, fate, and Grace transform your life.
To finish, Holiday wrote “Would you have a great empire? Rule over yourself.” Wise words indeed...
Namaste.
Let me know if you would like to continue this conversation...
Email me: hello@transformativelifecoach.co.uk
Please let me know if you would like to join our 'VOICE for men' VIP community: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', 'Visibility Is Power', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. We are co-creating this space. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, awakening to Self-realisation, wisdom and timeless Truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears. Our meeting is free to join. There is no script, just sharing.
My gift is to be your guide on your very own 'Hero's Journey'...
“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.” Olly Alexander Branford
My coaching themes and services for men: Transformative Life Coaching, Transformational Coaching, Life Coaching, Personal Coaching, Positive Psychology Coaching, Recovery Coaching, Trauma Informed Coaching, Work Addiction Coaching, Workaholism Coaching, Addiction Coaching, Mindfulness Coaching.
Click here to read all my articles:
Suggested Reading
Click here for the books that I know will help you along your journey of recovering your Self:
Hello,
I am very pleased to meet you. Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my website for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching.
See you soon,
Olly Alexander Branford MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD
Click here for my glossary:
Click here for my website:
Click me to contact me:
Click here for my free eBook all about Enlightenment:
Click here for my LinkedIn profile:
Click here for my Medium articles:
I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have published over 50 peer reviewed scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for four years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.