You are Bothering Yourself About the Moment in Front of You
- olivierbranford
- 3 days ago
- 31 min read
Updated: 2 minutes ago
The great contemporary spiritual master Michael Singer wrote that “One of the most amazing things you will ever realise is that the moment in front of you is not bothering you. You are bothering yourself about the moment in front of you. It's not personal - you are making it personal.” Read that again, and don’t ever forget it.
The quote highlights the idea that our suffering comes from our own internal resistance to what is happening, rather than from other people or the situation itself. Most people are ignorant of this. This quote, frequently found in his book, ’The Untethered Soul’, which is in my ‘Suggested Reading list’, emphasises the power of letting go of personal judgement of people or negative interpretations of events. It suggests that by observing our thoughts, feelings, people, and situations without judgement, we can find peace, joy, and freedom. The alternative is to wrongly blame other people for our unhappiness, leading to anger, irritability, discontent, and resentment, when it is always you who is bothering yourself about the moment in front of you. This stems from your preferences, desires, and fears, all of which result from your childhood Trauma, not from the person or situation in front of you now.
Fear is a self-fulfilling prophecy. There is a proverb from the medieval Levant which is "What we fear, we create." Dan Brown wrote "What we don't understand, we fear. What we fear, we judge as evil. What we judge as evil, we attempt to control. And what we cannot control, we attack." This underlines that conflict is due to ignorance. William Shakespeare, the most recognised author who ever lived, who was a spiritual Master, echoed in Antony and Cleopatra "In time we hate that which we often fear." Wilson Kanadi wrote that "Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge."
Forgiving others for what we perceive as their wrongdoings is the only path to personal freedom. The prison guard forgets that they also reside in the prison and that only they hold the key to their own liberty. Olga Tokarczuk wrote “The prison is not outside, but inside each of us. Perhaps we simply don't know how to live without it.” Singer wrote “Only you can take inner freedom away from yourself or give it to yourself. Nobody else can.” Only you can fix yourself.
Singer continued “Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself. It's the commotion the ego mind makes about life that really causes the problems.” The ego mind is formed during childhood as a result of our negative, Traumatic experiences. Dr Peter Levine, one of the world's foremost experts in the field of childhood Trauma, calls this effect of childhood Trauma "The tyranny of the past." It is your ego mind that is causing your negative, false beliefs and your consequent negative, false thoughts about other people or situations. Mind is what you are drowning in and you are grabbing onto the mind to not drown.
Singer wrote “If you want to be happy, you have to let go of the part of you that wants to create melodrama. This is the part that thinks there’s a reason not to be happy. You have to transcend the personal, and as you do, you will naturally awaken to the higher aspects of your Being. In the end, enjoying life’s experiences is the only rational thing to do. You’re sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Go ahead, take a look at reality. You’re floating in empty space in a Universe that goes on forever. If you have to be here, at least be happy and enjoy the experience. You’re going to die anyway. Things are going to happen anyway. Why shouldn’t you be happy? You gain nothing by being bothered by life’s events. It doesn’t change the world; you just suffer. There’s always going to be something that can bother you, if you let it.”
Malachy McCourt once said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Those who judge live in spiritual bankruptcy and experience a Soul death.
Jesus, the Messiah, philosopher, teacher of wisdom, and the greatest spiritual master, taught us forgiveness, compassion, and love. He encouraged a focus on self-reflection and empathy rather than hatred, judgement, and criticism. In Luke 6:38 he said "With what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." In the historic ‘Sermon on the Mount’, which distilled his thoughts on judgement that all are advised to follow, Jesus said, in Matthew 7:2, "For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged" These quotes encourages individuals and institutions to be cautious and mindful of their actions, words, and complaints, as they have a direct impact on how they are treated themselves, by others, and by God. Jesus was teaching that the way you criticise or evaluate others will be the way you are evaluated and will be treated. There is an unarguable spiritual Truth “No God, no peace… Know God, know peace.”
It is the arrogance and ignorance of the human ego mind that feels that it may judge another. person. Only God is the true judge. And God, or Nature, or the Universe, or love, whatever you want to call it, is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, and has infinite wisdom. Such a God does not, will not, and would not judge. Singer wrote “Contemplate this and let go of the idea of a judgemental God. You have a loving God. In truth, you have love itself for a God. And love cannot do other than love. Your God is in ecstasy and there’s nothing you can do about it. And if God is in ecstasy, I wonder what He sees when He looks at you?”
Wilson Kanadi wrote about individuals and institutions that "Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge." Those who judge and condemn others are ego-based and live in spiritual ignorance and hypocrisy, without any wisdom or awareness of timeless Truth. They have no true personal power. They should be mindful of the many skeletons in their closets, and indeed they try to project them onto others, as explained by Carl Jung, the greatest psychiatrist of all time, an analytical psychotherapist, the father of psychoanalysis, who was also a great philosopher and spiritual master. Dr Gabor Maté, a world leader on Trauma, said in his brilliant book 'The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture' that “When I am sharply judgemental of any other person, it's because I sense or see reflected in them some aspect of myself that I don't want to acknowledge.” That, is projection.
Institutions and individuals who do not express compassion will stumble, tumble and fall, and only Truth will remain. The more rigid and outdated they are, the sooner they will topple, like old oaks in a storm. Be like a young reed in the wind – flexible to the inevitable challenges that we meet in life. The Lord’s prayer, as revealed in the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, a model prayer that Jesus taught his disciples, contains the lines: “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”.
William Shakespeare hid timeless Truths in his writing, in particular Macbeth, for the sake of the prevailing beliefs and anxieties of his time. He also wrote in a way that diverged from the interpretations favoured by those in ‘power’. He taught us in ‘Hamlet’ "Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice; Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement." In ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ Shakespeare wrote "You speak an infinite deal of nothing." This quote is part of a witty exchange between Benedick and Beatrice. They were known for their insults and this line in the play highlights their back-and-forth banter, where they essentially accuse each other of talking without substance. This is very much the nature of interpersonal conflict throughout history, also summed up in one of Shakespeare’s most incisive and perceptive quotes in Macbeth:
“Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more.
It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”
Singer wrote “Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself. It’s the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes problems.”
Eckhart Tolle, the contemporary spiritual teacher, emphasises the importance of transcending the ego and the limiting self-image that many people identify with. He encourages individuals to let go of their attachment to a fixed sense of self, which is a major source of suffering. This process involves recognising that the ego is not who you truly are and that true freedom comes from realising your essential nature, in other words your Soul, which is not defined or defiled by people, events, things, thoughts, emotions, or institutions.
Although you may not think so yet, remember that you are the Messiah. That is what I see in you. That is the basis of my coaching. I see, hear, and recognise the Messiah in you until you do so for your Self. Some religions say that your Soul enters ‘Heaven’ when you die. Or that a future Messiah will save us and lead us all into ‘Heaven’. You may give birth to your Soul right now, your very Being. I believe that ‘Heaven’ is on Earth and is within you - the seat of your Soul. It is the divine in you. Matthew recorded in the Bible in 16:16 “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." The crucifixion is a metaphor for the rebirth of the real you. Jesus said in John 14:12 "Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these." Jesus said in Luke 17:21 that "The Kingdom of God is within you" and suggests that God's kingdom is not a physical place or a future event, but rather an internal state of Being. It implies that the principles of God's reign, such as love, peace, and righteousness, can be experienced within individuals who align their lives with these values. This concept is central to the philosophy of Leo Tolstoy, who explored it in his book entitled ‘The Kingdom of God is Within You’. Tolstoy suggested that this inner transformation would lead to a transformation of institutions and society. Mahatma Gandhi, a key figure in the Indian independence movement, was deeply influenced by Tolstoy's philosophy and the concept of the Kingdom of God within, using nonviolent resistance as a central tenet of his own political activism.
Marianne Williamson agrees, saying that there is a Messiah in each of us. Finding and connecting with that ´Higher Power’ is the only way out of our limited ego mind and suffering and that is the whole purpose of our spiritual journey and our ‘Hero’s Quest’. It is why we are here and is the unique purpose of each of our lives. It is also our only key to fully healing. Those who are blind to this will suffer for the rest of their lives, unless they wake up to these timeless Truths, which have been stated and repeated throughout human history to this day, but have not been heard except by those with wisdom.
Stop and relax, in order to contemplate, reflect on, and always let go of, what you cannot change. You cannot, and should not, even try to change others. This was taught by the great Stoic philosophers such as Seneca, Epictetus, and emperor Marcus Aurelius over two millennia ago in ancient Greece and in the Roman Empire, and holds true to this day, with all wise influential contemporary leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr. and presidents keeping Aurelius' book ‘Meditations’, which is in my ‘Suggested Reading’ list, close at hand. Aurelius’ writings have also been praised and recognised for the deep timeless Truths that they contain by fellow writers, philosophers, monarchs and spiritual teachers. Aurelius was last of the rulers later known as the Five Good Emperors and the last emperor of the Pax Romana, an age of relative peace, calm, and stability for the Roman Empire, lasting from 27 BC to 180 AD. He served as Roman consul.
Love deeply and forgive quickly, for the liberation from your own prison depends on it. Life is too short to be miserable, and it only you who maintains your misery.
The Third Patriarch of Zen Buddhism, Sengcan, is known for the poem ‘Hsin Hsin Ming’ (also known as "Inscription on Faith Mind"), which begins with the line "The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences". Micheal Singer says that the word ‘preferences’ may be replaced by ‘desires’. This line emphasises the importance of non-attachment and letting go of preferences and desires in order to understand the true nature of reality. The poem explores the concept of non-duality (that nothing is right or wrong) and the practice of equanimity in the face of people and life's experiences. These opening lines are a central message of the poem, suggesting that the path to Enlightenment is not inherently challenging if you can release your attachments and aversions. Sengcan encouraged Zen practitioners, and indeed all of us, to meet all experiences, pleasant or unpleasant, without getting caught up in emotional reactions.
The poem begins:
“The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences.
When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
Make the smallest distinction, however,
and ‘Heaven’ and Earth are set infinitely apart.
If you wish to see the Truth
then hold no opinions for or against anything.
To set up what you like against what you dislike
is the disease of the mind.
When the deep meaning of things is not understood,
the mind's essential peace is disturbed to no avail.
The Way is perfect like vast space
where nothing is lacking and nothing in excess.
Indeed, it is due to our choosing to accept or reject
that we do not see the true nature of things.”
If the outside world doesn’t match what the ego wants, you feel anger, pain, and fear. If something does match the mental pattern, then it’s ‘love at first sight’ and you feel temporarily and conditionally happy. That’s why your relationships are so difficult. Why? Because what you call a relationship is a relationship with someone who agrees with you. If they stop agreeing with you all hell breaks loose. So, for you, relationships are when you meet someone who also matches the sum of your learned experiences. So, there is no chance of a successful relationship with this paradigm as no-one else has had exactly the same experiences as you. This leads to compromise and transactional relationships. You have ego relationships – which are destined for misery: It’s two people chasing what their ego says that it wants in order to be happy. The ego is never happy as the world is never the way it wants it to be and you can’t fight the Universe. You made it Hell inside. The relationship that you need to have is one with your Self, the real you. Psychology straightens up the mind and the emotions so that they are tolerable. Spirituality is accessing the permanent state of unconditional ecstasy inside of you and it happens to be the real you: But instead, you are busy looking at the rubbish that you have accumulated inside of you. You are trying to rearrange the world so that the ego feels better. You get lost as the world coming in is not matching what you want. This is the cause of mental dis-ease and addiction.
The vast majority of people seek imitation love rather than unconditional love as they never received unconditional love as children either from their parents or from society. This is their curse, giving rise to the human condition, and is the source of all their childhood Trauma. Imitation love makes people mentally ill and prone to every type of behavioural addiction (money, sex, cosmetic surgery, social media, food, shopping, work) and substance addictions, including alcoholism, in an attempt to numb and soothe their emotional pain. The most addictive behaviour is to external validation and negative thinking: The very basis of the personal ego mind. They are afraid that what they want to happen might not happen, or that what they don’t want to happen might happen. Such people live in duality, which is a crucible for misery. This is the basis of all resentment and conflict, which are always recipes for disaster. Conditional love is when people try to change everything in their lives including their relationships and other people as they don’t think that they can handle life as it presents itself. They are manipulative and devious in their doomed attempts to control. What has already happened to us, and our present situation, are impossible to change: It’s simply reality. You can try to fight reality, but you will only lose, and you will lose one hundred percent of the time.
When something ‘positive’ happens, studies have shown that people are happy on average for seven minutes only. This is because happiness depends on external events. Joy, however, is internal and eternal, not being based on anything that is external to us. Those people don’t recognise that they are their own worst enemy: When you are stuck in ego, you are behind enemy lines. With regards to other people, they try desperately to get them to love them, they try to manipulate them in order to have them in their lives again, and if they can’t then they may seek conflict with them in order that at least they can see them. They begin to hate the other person, to seek revenge, and even resort to extortion. This hatred is over a very thin layer of ice, beneath which is love. As is written in ‘The Complete Conversations with God’ by Neale Donald Walsch, which is in my ‘Suggested Reading’ list, “For it is the nature of people to love, then destroy, then love again that which they value most.” This was exemplified in the experience of Jesus. He was loved, then hated, then loved again. He was loved as he taught unconditional love, compassion, and forgiveness. He was then hated as this teaching undermined those who thought that they were in a position of power who felt threatened by his real personal power, so they crucified him. Ironically his crucifixion and consequent resurrection propelled him to sacred status and divine power that still influences to this day. The crucifixion is a metaphor for the death of the ego mind. The resurrection is our connection to a Higher Power. Jesus was then loved again as his life was transformational to those who follow him on the spiritual path. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34 ) was part of a prayer offered by Jesus while he was being crucified. This statement emphasises forgiveness, even for those who are causing great harm, highlighting the idea that their actions stem from ignorance and lack of understanding. Jesus was pure unconditional love. In 1 John 4:18 Jesus said that "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love."
Neale Donald Walsch is a modern day spiritual messenger whose words continue to touch the world in profound ways. With an early interest in religion and a deeply felt connection to spirituality, Neale spent the majority of his life thriving professionally, yet searching for spiritual meaning. Walsch's vision is an expansion, unification, and distillation of all present theologies to render them more relevant to our present day and time. He said that "The fastest way to apply anything in your life is to help others to apply it. The fastest way to use any wisdom that resides in your Soul is to help someone else. Because we are all one."
You will never understand yourself by attempting to harm others. You understand your Self only by destroying yourself (your ego) as the caterpillar does to become a butterfly. For it is only in the subsequent process of fixing your Self (note the capital S to mean the Soul) that you will know who you truly are.
According to psychology, your perceptions are the sum of your past experiences. Negative experiences happen in our childhoods if we don’t receive unconditional love from our parents and society when we were very young. Very few people do. This is Trauma with a capital T. Anything that happens to us as adults that makes us unhappy or frightened is simply stress (with a small s), not Trauma. Most psychiatrists and therapists do not understand this. This is because they are not trained in how to deal with Trauma and its effect on mental health. This can be explained by cognitive bias in so-called 'experts' in psychiatry who suffer from the Dunning-Kruger effect. The Dunning-Kruger effect is a psychological idea that explains why some people tend to think they are better at something than they genuinely are. In simpler terms, it’s when confidence doesn’t match competence. When 'experts' pass judgement on fields outside their field of expertise, in other words, when they begin something new, like learning about childhood Trauma and how it manifests in later life, they might have loads of confidence, especially if they are highly esteemed in another field of their profession, but little competence in this area. They don’t know what they don’t know! After some initial learning in the new field, their confidence often soars even higher, but their competence might still be modest. This is where the Dunning-Kruger effect kicks in - they believe that they are an expert in the new field even though they are not there yet and are lacking in wisdom, and are therefore unqualified to make judgements in this new field. The Dunning-Kruger effect occurs for several reasons. Ego: Our ego is like a ‘King baby’, who believes that he is the best the world has to offer, whilst coming from a place of low self-worth. It is a form of over-compensation. The ego lives on 'Mount Stupid'. Lack of self-awareness: When you’re not good at something, it’s tough to recognise your own weaknesses. It’s like trying to see your own blind spots. Selective hearing: People often look for information that backs up their beliefs. If you think you’re amazing, you’ll focus on any praise and ignore criticism. Holding on to initial impressions: Your early experiences can strongly influence your self-assessment. If you started with misplaced confidence, it can be hard to let go.
Psychiatrists who are largely ignorant of the concepts around childhood Trauma are subject to biases as they may also have very limited experience of presenting patients and so their opinions are totally uninformed. Doctors, like all individuals, can be susceptible to biases that may affect their clinical decision-making. These biases can stem from various factors, including cognitive limitations, personal experiences, and societal influences. Understanding these biases is crucial for improving Trauma care. These so called 'experts' may have overconfidence bias where they overestimate one's their own knowledge and wisdom as in the Dunning-Kruger effect described above. They may have confirmation bias, which involves selectively gathering and interpretation evidence to conform with one’s beliefs, as well as neglecting evidence that contradicts them. An example is refusing to consider alternative diagnoses once an initial diagnosis has been established, even though clinical data might contradict it. This bias leads physicians to see what they want to see: Emotional stress instead of the true cause - childhood Trauma. Since it occurs early in the treatment pathway, confirmation bias can lead to mistaken diagnoses being passed on to and accepted by other clinicians and authorities without their validity being questioned, a process referred to as diagnostic momentum. This is frequent in ‘senior clinicians’ and professors are not immune to any of these biases, especially when they have very limited experience in regard to certain cases and fields outside of their expertise. For example making judgements when they have only seen one such previous case and their recommendations in that were also biased and limited. They may suffer from anchoring bias, which is much like confirmation bias, and refers to the practice of prioritising information and data that support one’s initial impressions of evidence, even when those impressions are incorrect. Imagine a professor seeing stress symptoms and being unaware that these are all attributable to triggered childhood Trauma, not the present situation. They may suffer from affect heuristic bias, which describes when a physician’s actions are swayed by emotional reactions instead of rational deliberation. It is context or patient specific and can manifest when physician experiences positive or negative feelings toward a patient based on prior experiences. Educating healthcare professionals about different types of bias and their potential impact is vital. Perhaps they would be well advised to read Jung, and the positive psychologists and the works of established experts in the field of childhood Trauma that they are dipping their toe into.
Dr Peter Levine wrote that “All Trauma is preverbal.” These preverbal experiences can significantly impact a person's well-being, even if they don't have a clear, verbalisable memory of the Trauma. Dr Gabor Maté, another world expert on Trauma, has a mantra that “The question is not why the mental health problem, but why the pain? The source of pain is always and invariably to be found in a person's lived experience, beginning with childhood.” The psychiatric community largely fails to understand that anything 'negative' that happens to us as adults is not Trauma: It is stress. It is caused by the following sequence:
No unconditional love is felt as a young child
This Traumatises us as children
This creates all of our fears such as our fears of being unloved, unlovable, unworthy, that we be abandoned, and that therefore we will die
These fears determine our limiting beliefs throughout life
Which lead to negative thoughts
Which lead to emotional pain, mental illness, and spiritual dis-ease
Which lead to our resentments
Which lead to our behaviour and reactivity (instead of our responses)
Which lead to our adverse reaction to stress as adults
There is a spiritual equation which is:
Suffering = Pain x Resistance
We cannot avoid emotional pain, even though we try to control everything so that we don't feel the pain, which we always fail to do as no-one can control the Universe. We have to feel our pain, then let it pass through us like a wave. If we resist the pain, we suffer. If we don't resist the pain, we don't suffer. Dr Gabor Maté says that “The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain. Trauma is not what happens to you but what happens inside you.” He continues "The essence of Trauma, at its purest level, is disconnect from the Self." This is why a spiritual approach is essential in the treatment of Trauma alongside medical approaches. It requires a reintegration of the psyche. Maté writes "Trauma is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering." Your childhood Trauma rules your life. The irony is that your childhood Trauma had absolutely nothing to do with you, or with anyone that you meet or any situation that you encounter as an adult. Jung wrote "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate," which suggests that unacknowledged patterns and tendencies from the unconscious mind, stemming from past experiences that you stored inside of you, or unresolved issues due to untreated or inadequately treated childhood Trauma, can unknowingly dictate one's choices and reactions, leading to a sense of inevitability.
All negative beliefs are caused by our ego, which is our petrified inner child. Childhood Trauma begins in the womb, as Darius Cikanavicius wrote that “The foetus is biochemically connected to the mother, and her external, internal, physical, and mental health affect the overall development of the foetus. Stress and depression during pregnancy have been proven to have long-term and even permanent effects on the offspring. Such effects include a vulnerability to chronic anxiety, elevated fear, propensity to addictions, and poor impulse control.” Both our childhood Trauma and our ego are fear-driven and always lie. Everything they say to us is wrong. Marianne Williamson wrote that "As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." We create our own lions, monsters, and alligators. In reality, there are no lions, monsters, or alligators. If I am “Up to my butt in alligators,” I raised every one of them from a baby until they were big enough to bite. We make mountains out of molehills and snakes out of ropes.
Marianne Williamson continues "Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts." The quote "Only love is real, nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God” is a central tenet of 'A Course in Miracles', which was written by a spiritually aware psychologist, and is frequently cited by Marianne Williamson, who is known for popularising the Course's ideas. This statement emphasises that what is truly real is unchanging, eternal, and cannot be threatened, while what we perceive as real but is subject to change, fear, and suffering is ultimately an illusion.
The entire spiritual path to healing, which means ‘wholeness’, is one of dropping your ego and realising your Soul. But how can doctors who don’t believe in the Soul be expected to heal it? Most Psychiatrists are ignorant of these concepts and never even talk about emotional pain during their consultations, so they only give you medicines, most of which they don’t quite know how they work pharmacologically, which may increase the risk of suicide (which I have experienced twice from psychiatric medication), and they may ask you to take them lifelong. This has been confirmed by Bessel van der Kolk, a Dutch psychiatrist, who is the doyen of Trauma, who wrote the book which is the 'Bible' of Trauma entitled 'The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in The Healing of Trauma', wrote that “Because drugs have become so profitable, major medical journals rarely publish studies on nondrug treatments of mental health problems. Practitioners who explore treatments are typically marginalised as 'alternative.' Studies of nondrug treatments are rarely funded unless they involve so-called manualised protocols, where patients and therapists go through narrowly prescribed sequences that allow little fine-tuning to individual patients’ needs. Mainstream medicine is firmly committed to a better life through chemistry, and the fact that we can actually change our own physiology and inner equilibrium by means other than drugs is rarely considered.”
Therefore, their patients’ Trauma remains unresolved unless the psychiatrists use therapies such as Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) and somatic techniques such as yoga, as Trauma is stored in the body. Bessel van der Kolk also recommends these treatment as primary therapeutic regimens for Trauma. For me, I found that these treatments for Trauma, as part of a psychospiritual approach, as I have described in my previous articles, were essential to my recovery. A psychospiritual approach results in transcendence, awakening, and Self-realisation, where with time you are able to fix your Self. In this place, if stress happens to us as adults, we can simply observe it and let it pass through us without storing it, without it causing reactivity, resentments, and emotional blockages (also known as Samskaras - emotional scars), which are all the cause of our refusal to accept reality without trying to control and change it (because we can’t as it has already happened). All our suffering is due to our resistance to pain and reality: Our failure to accept things as they are. If we do not accept things as they really are, we are incapacitated and powerless, being completely unable to surrender the part of us that needs to be removed, in other words our ego, blocking our spiritual growth, and our lives become completely unmanageable. This is not religion, it is psychospirituality. As Mahatma Ghandi wrote “God has no religion.” The whole spiritual path, and the recovery from spiritual bankruptcy, is a simple one of acceptance of reality, and surrendering our ego.
Billy Joel said famously “You’re only human, you’re supposed to make mistakes.” Singer notes “If you truly love someone, your love sees past their humanness.” Anything else is conditional imitation love.
Bessel van der Kolk wrote that “Being traumatised means continuing to organise your life as if the Trauma were still going on - unchanged and immutable - as every new encounter or event is contaminated by the past.” This is the pervasive and usually unconscious effect of childhood Trauma. Stress as an adult can always be traced back to our early life experiences. If we had not had them, and if they are treated, we could easily deal with the stresses of adult life. But we don't, and that is why we are not helped by psychiatrists and therapists who do not understand the effects of childhood Trauma. He continued “Psychologists usually try to help people use insight and understanding to manage their behaviour. However, neuroscience research shows that very few psychological problems are the result of defects in understanding; most originate in pressures from deeper regions in the brain that drive our perception and attention. When the alarm bell of the emotional brain keeps signaling that you are in danger, no amount of insight will silence it.”
Jung wrote about his role as a psychiatrist that “Thinking within the framework of the special task that is laid upon me: To be a proper psychiatrist is to be a healer of the Soul.” On psychotherapy, Jung commented that “Therefore our Lord himself is a healer; he is a doctor; he heals the sick and he deals with the troubles of the Soul. And yet, somehow, some psychiatrists and psychotherapists still haven't caught on to the importance of spirituality to positive psychology with regards to fully recovering from mental illness. 'Psychospirituality' is the synthesis of positive psychology, philosophy, and spirituality. It may lead to healing of the mind, body, and Soul, well-being, improved mental health, unconditional love, peace, joy, compassion, gratitude, meaning, purpose, and awakening you to your highest Self.
The other risk with therapy is that a therapist who has learned their career from books is very limited: One has to be a wounded healer to truly help others. The therapist must have taken the journey of healing themselves in order to guide someone through the pathway to healing from Trauma.
Treating the symptoms of adult stress from emotional triggers and not treating the underlying Trauma is like treating someone with pneumonia with cough linctus, when a patient needs antibiotics.
I know this to be true as it has very much been my own experience, and that of almost all people. Having had psychiatric and psychotherapeutic care, it was simultaneous spiritual coaching that saved my life. Before then, I always felt that something was missing. I have deeply felt the effect that spirituality had in my healing from my mental health diagnoses, where medicine, psychiatry, and psychotherapy alone had all failed to improve my symptoms. My spirituality has been a great source of strength and courage to me, and it has sent me challenges to catalyse my evolution, growth, and personal transformation. These challenges are also sent with their solution to them. I have learned that "This too shall pass" and that "All is well". Psychology examines the ego, and is limited to doing only that. Psychology unravels you: Spirituality 'ravels you back up.' The problem with the ego, is that it is a liar, and always generates negative beliefs. The ego wants you dead. Fortunately, I found a psychiatrist who, like Jung, had a psychospiritual approach, who actually recommended that I read Jung's works, which I have done. My therapist had also taken his own journey of recovery: He was a wounded healer and Enlightened Witness. That is why I chose him, as it brought trust in his guidance. Building a trusting therapeutic relationship is crucial for effective Trauma treatment, and this can be challenging to achieve, according to the National Institutes of Health (NIH).
Trauma can shatter a person's worldview and sense of meaning. Spirituality can play a significant role in Trauma treatment by providing a framework for healing. It can offer a sense of meaning, purpose, and connection, which can be particularly helpful when dealing with the enduring chaos and aftermath of childhood Traumatic experiences. Integrating spirituality into therapy can involve exploring a person's existing beliefs, facilitating positive spiritual coping, or introducing mindfulness, meditation, and other spiritual practices to help in regulating emotions. Mental health professionals need to be aware of their own beliefs and biases when working with spiritual issues. They should be able to create a safe and supportive environment for clients to explore their spirituality without judgement. Dr Steve Taylor's latest book, 'Extraordinary Awakenings: From Trauma to Transformation,' focuses on experiences of what he calls Transformation Through Turmoil (TTT). These are intense and permanent experiences of spiritual awakening triggered by distress: Taylor states that the intensity of the distress may precipitate a transformation of the ego into the Higher Self over a very short interval: In other words, spontaneous spiritual awakening of the Self, with an immediate shift in consciouness.
Many clinicians lack specific training in Trauma-informed care and may not feel equipped to handle disclosures of Traumatic events. There's a tendency to focus on immediate symptoms resulting from adult stress, rather than exploring potential underlying childhood Trauma which is responsible for patients' reactions to perceived adult stress. Some clinicians may avoid screening for Trauma due to discomfort or fear of retraumatising patients. Clinicians may underestimate the long-term effects of Trauma on mental health, leading to inadequate treatment plans.
The medical community's approach to Trauma doesn't always adequately address the spiritual or Soul-level aspects of healing due to several factors: Limited training in psychospiritual care; a focus on biomedical models; and a potential disconnect between clinical settings and patients' spiritual needs.
It has been shown in many polls and studies that the vast majority of people (around 85 percent in the United States) are spiritual. Studies have shown that higher levels of spirituality are also strongly associated with a greater sense of meaning in life as well as higher levels of psychological and emotional well-being. In other words, people who hold a belief in some form of Higher Power, something more than who and what they are - whether defined as 'God', 'Brahma', 'Energy', 'Nature', the Universe, 'Source', 'Collective Consciousness', or 'Spirit' - are happier, healthier and even live longer. There has been a steady increase in people seeking out non-traditional, non-theistic, personalised paths to spiritual growth.
Psychiatry can trap patients in a state of victimhood as psychiatrists don’t always understand Trauma or psychospirituality. The state of victimhood prevents growth, evolution, and transformation, inhibiting healing and recovery from mental illness. Some people choose to remain a victim instead of doing the spiritual work required for them to heal, and this is tragically encouraged by some psychiatrists and psychotherapists (especially those working in the private industry), keeping people in their captivity as a life sentence, imprisoning them, subjugating them, binding them to them, and perpetuating their mental illness lifelong: Whereas, in a psychospiritual coaching approach, the sessions are completed when the patient is healed. Jung wrote that “In the end no one can completely outgrow his personal limitations; everyone is more or less imprisoned by them - especially when he practices psychology.”
Jung, in his letter to Bill Wilson (who was the founder and author of the ‘Big Book’ of 12 step recovery), which was written in 1961, almost 65 years ago (one would think that the medical system should have caught up with this), wrote about healing that “The only right and legitimate way to such an experience is, that it happens to you in reality and it can only happen to you when you walk on a path, which leads you to a higher understanding. You might be led to that goal by an act of Grace or through a personal and honest contact with friends, or through a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism.”
Jung thought that Jesus was a great philosopher who taught us many timeless truths, and who has much to teach the world of psychology. Jung viewed Jesus's life and teachings as a powerful archetype, a symbolic representation of the transformative process of 'individuation' and the development of the Self. In the Bible, in Mark 5:34, Jesus said "Your Faith has made thee whole." The word 'healing' and the word 'holistic', both have their origins in 'to make whole.' Psychology, then, without spirituality, is incomplete. You are far more than just a human being, you are a great BEing, a Soul, nothing less than God’s consciousness experiencing unconditional love and creation itself.
So, why do you remain so small, and how may psychology alone, without a spiritual approach, collude in keeping you that way? Why live life in spiritual bankruptcy and spiritual dis-ease, when you can wake up to love, abundance, and wholeness? Why remain a captive victim of your ego mind's struggles, when you can be a victor through conscious connection to Jung's 'collective unconscious', Self-realisation, and liberation?
Many emphasise that trauma, while a painful experience, can also be a catalyst for personal growth and spiritual awakening. Key ideas include the idea that wounds can be openings for light and that healing is a journey of reclaiming one's true Self, resolving the disconnection and fragmentation of the psyche that Dr Gabor Maté talked about above. Rumi famously said that "The wound is the place where the light enters you." Recovering from childhood Trauma is Soul work.
Lorraine Nilon wrote “The initial Trauma of a young child may go underground but it will return to haunt us.” Trauma Dave Pelzer wrote "Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of ther Soul." Our parents may love us, but not enough for us to be who we truly are, in other words, they love us conditionally and create unhealthy expectations for us. This need to choose attachment to our parents in order to survive when very young over our authenticity, as frequently referred to be Dr Gabor Maté, creates the ego mask, which can ironically be deadly. Donna Jackson said that "The past can tick away inside us for decades like a silent time bomb, until it sets off a cellular message that lets us know the body does not forget the past". James Garbarino echoed “The initial Trauma of a young child may go underground but it will return to haunt us.” Bessel van der Kolk wrote “Traumatised people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies. The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become experts at ignoring their gut feelings and numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.” Alice Miller said that “An unacknowledged Trauma is like a wound that never heals over and may start to bleed again at any time.” Jack Kornfield, another doyen of childhood Trauma, wrote that “We are often loyal to our suffering, our regrets, our losses, focusing on the Trauma of ‘what happened to me’ But is that what defines you?” Kornfield, also a renowned teacher of Buddhist philosophy and psychology, offers insights on healing from Trauma, emphasising the importance of feeling, compassion, and present moment awareness. He highlights that Trauma is not just what happens, but what happens inside us as a result. Kornfield's quotes often focus on confronting and processing past experiences with kindness and self-compassion, rather than avoidance. He said that "You can't heal it until you feel it." This quote underscores the necessity of acknowledging and experiencing the pain associated with trauma, rather than suppressing it. He wrote "Hold it gently. Let it be honoured. You do not have to keep it in anymore. This highlights the difference between letting go and actively resisting or suppressing difficult emotions."Freud talked about resistance, denial, suppression, and repression being unhealthy coping mechnisms. Carl Jung wrote "What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size". Kornfield said that "Letting go is not the same as aversion, struggling to get rid of something." This quote encourages a gentle approach to Trauma, suggesting that it can be held with compassion and released rather than resisted. Kornfield added "When we let go of yearning for the future, preoccupation with the past, and strategies to protect the present, there is nowhere left to go but where we are." This quote encourages focusing on the present moment as a way to release the grip of the past. Akshay Dubey said that “Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.” Kahlil Gibran said beautifully that "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest Souls."
Peter Levine wrote that “The paradox of Trauma is that it has both the power to destroy and the power to transform and resurrect. The effects of unresolved Trauma can be devastating.” Resurrection is the domain of Enlightenment. Levine continues "I have come to the conclusion that human beings are born with an innate capacity to triumph over Trauma. I believe not only that Trauma is curable, but that the healing process can be a catalyst for profound awakening - a portal opening to emotional and genuine spiritual transformation. I have little doubt that as individuals, families, communities, and even nations, we have the capacity to learn how to heal and prevent much of the damage done by Trauma. In so doing, we will significantly increase our ability to achieve both our individual and collective dreams. Although humans rarely die from Trauma, if we do not resolve it, our lives can be severely diminished by its effects. Some people have even described this situation as a 'living death."
When you meet someone who bothering themselves about the moment in front of them, and they are unconscious of the fact that they are blaming you, when in fact it is the result of untreated childhood Trauma, you may experience what I call the 'headache metaphor.' If you make the mistake of trying to temporarily ease the emotional pain that they carry from their unresolved childhood Trauma by allaying and soothing their adult fears, then they will blame you for all of their emotional pain that is entirely the result of their childhood Trauma. They will hate you all the more when you withdraw that salve or analgesic effect even even though you are not responsible for their childhood Trauma or the pain and fears that resulted from it. It is as though you gave aspirin to someone with a headache and then when the aspirin wears off, they will blame you for the headache that had nothing to do with you that was there before they met you. Your only mistake was trying to help them. But no one can heal anyone else. That is inner work that they must do themselves.
Alice Miller wrote that “Experience has taught us that we have only one enduring weapon in our struggle against mental illness: the emotional discovery and emotional acceptance of the truth in the individual and unique history of our childhood.” Professor Brené Brown wrote that “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” The danger of psychiatrists not understanding Trauma is summed up by Danielle Burdock “Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive."
The Gnostic Gospels state that "If you bring forth that which is within you, then that which is within you will be your salvation. If you do not bring forth that which is within you, then that which is within you will destroy you."
Do you want to heal? Or do you want to keep bothering yourself about the moment in front of you? Martin Luther King Jr. reminded us that "You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." It's up to you. Carl Jung has the final word “I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”
Namaste.
Olly
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