Love is the Most Powerful Force in the Universe. Yet we Forget to Use it on Our Selves.
By this statement above I don't mean vanity or Narcissism. These conditions come from a place of self hatred, masquerading as Self-love. What I mean is unconditional Self-Love. The philosopher Thomas Aquinas wrote "Well-ordered Self-love is right and natural."
Only by caring for and loving our Selves can we feel safe. Many fears are born of self-loathing.
Vanity
This excessive pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements. It's fascinating that the same word, vanity, is used the quality of being worthless or futile as in "He made vain attempts to succeed."
Narcissism
Narcissism is a self–centred personality style characterised as having an excessive preoccupation with one's self and one's own needs to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs and feelings of those around them: They have no empathy or compassion.
For my article on compassion click here:
They also do not understand the effect that their behaviour has on other people. The term narcissism comes from the Roman poet Ovid's Metamorphoses, written in the year 8 AD. Book III of the poem tells the mythical story of a handsome young man, Narcissus, who spurns the advances of many potential lovers. When Narcissus rejects the nymph Echo, who was cursed to only echo the sounds that others made, the gods punish Narcissus by making him fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. When Narcissus discovers that the object of his love cannot love him back, he slowly pines away and dies. The problem here was that Narcissus did not love himself. He was in love with an external image of himself. You have to learn to love who you are: That is, the highest version of your Self. Sigmund Freud observed that the two fundamental qualities of patients diagnosed with pathological levels of Narcissism were megalomania and withdrawal of interest from the real world of people and things: Many find their natural home in the internet as Trolls, a world of ego, lies and illusion, where they try to devalue other people, pretending to be what they are not and pretending not to be what they are.. What they don't realise is that someone's worthiness does not depend on them. You also find these people staring at themselves in the mirror at the gym: They are not working out from a place of Self love to get healthy - they hate themselves and what they see and want to change themselves so that other people will love them.
Unconditional Self-love
This is what I mean by real Self-love (note the capital S, as it refers to one's highest Self, which is the same thing as the true Self, or one's soul): We accept our selves as we are. You can read my article about what is real love here:
We forget that in life, you need to be your best friend. Are you your best friend yet?
If I asked you to name one thing that you love about you Self? What would you say?
The one thing that I absolutely love about myself is that no matter how badly I have been treated by others, no matter what I have been through, I still have a heart of gold and endless unconditional love to give in service of others. That's the one thing that no-one can take from me. Albert Camus, the existential philosopher wrote “Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken.” It is really important to get to this place, as all aspects of your life, whether it be in relationships, health, or work, your success in them depends on whether you choose from a place of love or fear. This is the key to find real personal power, peace, love, joy, service, wisdom and Truth. Please click here for my blog posts on all of these crucial concepts:
Don't expect the world to love you: Most people are too busy hating themselves. The first step in any journey to wellbeing and personal power is to love your Self unconditionally. We don't love ourselves unconditionally as for most of us, our parents loved us conditionally. We felt that they would love us if we behaved in one way or another, achieved this or that. We created our ego, or false self in order to try to feel loved. Marianne Williamson wrote "All of us wish we'd had perfect childhoods, with a mother and father who modelled ideal parental attitudes and taught us to internalise the tenets of Self-love. Many of us, however, did not."
This exercise may help you. Find a photo of your 7 year old Self. What do you see? This is me at age 7:
Look into your eyes, those of your 7 year old Self. What do you see when you look at your Self? You don't see pupils, irises, skin, bone structure and hair: No-one sees the anatomy. You see your soul. The soul is visible. The soul is a recognisable reality. The ego is who we think we are and is full of shame. The soul is who you really really are. Souls love one another. You can accept your Self. Albert Camus wrote: "Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is.” Drop out of your mind, and drop into your heart. Open your heart. Your heart contains all the love, wisdom and Truth that you will ever need.
The United Nations Declaration states that "Humankind owes to the child the best it has to give."
Tell your 7 year old self "I love you and I always will." I will let Ram Dass take over for a few minutes - meditate on this...
Ram Dass and East Forest on Truth
Ram Dass said “You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success - none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here.”
Are you with me yet? Have you found a reason to love your Self? Can you see your soul in your photo?
You have been afraid of your light. Marianne Williamson wrote in 'A Return to Love "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Albert Camus wrote “In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”
You are courageous, loving, loved, worthy, and forgivable, for there is nothing to forgive. The only thing that you are guilty of is the human condition: You need to remember who you are. You are a human BEing, not a human DOing, so start loving your BEing unconditionally. That is how you will create miracles. Jesus was a historical figure, and he was the most influential man of the last 2000 years. Why is this so? Because he didn't just come from a place of love, Jesus was love. In each of us there is a seed, an acorn or a flicker of a flame. But beyond all polarities YOU ARE LOVE. The real work is your inner connection. The journey that you need to take is one from your head to your heart. A miracle is simply a change in your perception from fear to love. I will let Ram Dass take over for a few minutes again...
Your soul is the essence or energy part of you that gives life to all the physical parts of you. Your soul gives you life. Your soul comes alive when you are being your authentic Self. Your soul is beautiful. Set your soul free from the self-imposed prison that you have created out of fear. It's time to wake up. Your soul is the spark in you that comes from the infinite energy from which we are all made. Your soul is unique and worthy and lovable because of who you are. Not what you look like or the masks that you wear. Heaven and hell are the two versions of reality: They are available to us here on Earth in this very life. Right now in the present moment. This is also known as the Holy Instant. It is pre-sent from Universal Intelligence. Heaven means to come from your soul at all times, from a place of love. Hell means to live as your ego, from a place full of fear.
We can’t serve others until we learn to serve our higher Selves. It starts with Self-love and acceptance. Not vain love, not ego love, pure unconditional love.
As Pierre Corneille wrote "Self-love is the source of all our other loves." We need to cultivate it in our Selves, our children and all those that we meet on the Hero's Journey that is your life. Justin Trudeau said "Every day, at home, I have the astonishing and humbling opportunity - together with my wife Sophie - to nurture empathy, compassion, self-love, and a keen sense of justice in our three kids." This is how to BE and break the inherited cycle of intergenerational trauma. When the student is ready the teacher appears. Let me know when you are ready to start loving your Self.
Sending you love, light, and blessings.
Please let me know if you would like to join my 'VOICE for men' group: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, and timeless truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears.
Olly Alexander Branford MD, MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD
My gift is to be your guide. Let me know if you would like to continue this conversation...
Email me: hello@transformativelifecoach.co.uk
“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.” Olly Alexander Branford
My coaching themes and services - I work 1:1 and in groups with men who are looking for: Transformative Life Coaching, Transformational Coaching, Life Coaching, Personal Coaching, Positive Psychology Coaching, Recovery Coaching, Trauma Informed Coaching, Work Addiction Coaching, Workaholism Coaching, Addiction Coaching, Mindfulness Coaching.
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Hello,
I am very pleased to meet you. Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my website for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching. I am here to serve you.
See you soon,
Olly Alexander Branford MD, MBBS, MA(Cantab), PhD
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I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have published over 50 peer reviewed scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for four years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.