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Mastering Life: The Art of Handling Everything

Updated: Apr 20

You can handle it. I mean it. Life is a collection of experiences which you can decide to handle or not handle. In general, people make a mess out of life and out of their spiritual life: When in reality, things are very, very simple.


You have two choices. You either handle life or you don't handle life. There is nothing in between. Things happen in every single moment and in all of Albert Einstein's space-time continuum. There is always something going on. The Universe is a happening place. Either you can handle it or you can't. It's that simple. If you can handle it, you will have the intuitive clarity as to exactly what your next step into the darkness is. And as you take that step, the light will switch on so that you can take that step safely and successfully. Jesus and Mahatma Gandhi, two of the most inspired philosophers that ever lived, both knew how to take these steps: What can we learn from them?


If you can't handle life, you're not doing well at all. If you can handle it, you're doing fine. Mastering life means to be able to handle everything. In this article I will tell you the secrets about how to learn to do this and how life works. In fact, life will be glorious! Let's dive in...


Gandhi and Jesus on mastering life: Two of the most inspired philosophers that ever lived


Would you like to live in a constant state of joy, peace, unconditional well-being, and unconditional love? Stop running after what you want and running away from what you don't want. This is what you are letting go of. There is another way. Your ego mind is thinking about things that are totally irrelevant. There is no effort involved. This is called being established within the Self. As the Bible says, "You are in the world and not of it." Relax and read on…


Now let's define handling life and not handling it for a moment. Being able to handle something does not mean you don't do anything about it. People misunderstand surrender and acceptance. They are inner states. What you are surrendering is your inability to handle it. What you are accepting is what came in. You accept reality as it is: Eckhart Tolle called this accepting the 'isness' of the present moment. You have no choice. It came in. You can deny it all you want, it still came in. You can suppress it, repress it, resist it, or deny it, to use psychological terms employed by Sigmund Freud.


Life will always be doing something. The issue is what you do with what is in front of you.


The Buddha talked about ‘The Four Noble Truths.’ The first Noble Truth is “All of life is suffering.” The second Noble Truth is that “The cause of suffering is desire.” In other words desire is preference. So, you suffer because you have stored preferences for how you want the moment in front of you to be and the way that you want it not to be. You become manipulative about reality. This will make a mess of your Self and you won’t affect the Universe. You will suffer mental disorders including spiritual dis-ease. The Universe will handle you even if you can’t handle it. You will have so much trouble with life. 


There will always be this sense that things are not the way that you want. You have built a cage for your Self where you are going to suffer. This means that you have a problem. You don’t get to do that. You can’t manipulate reality. Just relax and breathe before you respond (don’t react). Let go.


For me I try my best to remain in a constant state of presence and when I have a decision to make I meditate and make that choice from a place of intuitive clarity. The Universe is the boss: You have a new employer. Christ said in John 3:3 “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the Kingdom of God unless they are born again.” It’s your consciousness that is reborn. This is when you find your Self in a direct unfiltered interaction with your Self. You reach a state that was previously unimaginable. You are directly interacting with reality and the Universe. This is a peak experience. You got beyond you (the ego) and you chose to be your Higher Power. The more you do this the more you will feel a fulfilment beyond comprehension "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:7. You are sitting in presence, which is a beautiful state to be in. It’s just you experiencing the reality that is unfolding in front of you and this is the point at which you are able to take action. You should be experiencing this all the time. The third Noble Truths is “The Truth of the end of suffering” (we must recognise that there is a way to stop suffering and move away from it, because by doing we can get closer to reaching Enlightenment: Buddhism teaches that people should not be too focused on wanting many different things as the enjoyment won’t last - Buddhists must try to stop craving as much as they can in order to work to end suffering), and the fourth Noble Truth is “The Truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering” (we can do many things to end suffering, such as following the Buddha’s teachings and meditating).


If someone is throwing a tantrum at you and claiming all sorts of things against you, relax, breathe and realise that they are just spiritually dis-eased as they haven't done the inner work or learned to handle life, and its their process, not yours. Respond, in your own time, don't react. Responding is action and that includes deciding to do nothing or simply giving clarity on the situation and detaching with love. They are seeking conflict when this happens, simply remain present and leave the 'Drama Triangle') and they are trying to get what they want. The Universe doesn't work like that. People can't get what they want just because they want it. Then ignore them completely, and they will go away like a hungry dog that realises that they are not going to get any food despite their begging, as they will realise that you are not going to give them a single thing. Even if they did get what they want they wouldn't be happy anyway as they are stuck in their ego mind. Jesus said in Mark 8:36 "For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?" They are just projecting onto you. Just let it pass through you without leaving a blockage or a trace. Forget it completely. This is spiritual evolution. What do you care if they hate you? Every time you relax you are investing spiritually in your Self. This is your only job.


If you can't handle it you're messed up. And guess what; if you can't handle it, you will not do well with it. If you can't handle it you are going to try to make it stop. Say your motive was not to deal with the situation; if your motive was “What do I need to do to make me feel better?” You do that every single time if you can't handle it. There is no condition whatsoever where your inability to handle it will end up with the best solution to the problem. Oh, so you're not trying to find the best solution, you are trying to feel better? You are trying to make it go away. It's not going to go away. It's already happened. It's inside of you. The reality unfolded and it is now inside of you. Your mind and emotions are then dysregulated. Once it's in you, it's yours. You are not making it not coming in. You can deny it, you can apologise, you can do anything you want, it still happened. So, your only choice, is that you can’t handle it when it came in or you can handle it when it came in. If you can't handle it, then that's why you are suffering.


There are no problems. There are just experiences that come in from outside into your inside. They are not problems. They are events that are happening on the planet Earth. What good does it do to say they shouldn't be happening? It won't stop them from happening. What good does it do to say that you can't handle it? It doesn't do any good. It makes it so that you can't handle it. Spiritual growth is very simple. It's about being able to learn to handle it. If you don't, you will feel spiritual dis-ease.


The Yogi Paramahansa Yogananda, whose book 'Autobiography of a Yogi' was handed out at Steve Jobs' funeral, said “If you can’t handle your life here, how are you going to handle the higher energies?” Most people turn to attempts at Self-realisation because they can't handle it. Most people think that “I will be OK once I am Enlightened”. The problem is that you will not be OK until you are OK and can handle it. So, the real work, when dealing with life is to be able to learn how to handle it. But if we start at the beginning, can you learn to handle things? You can learn to handle things. It doesn't matter what's happened in your past. You can learn.


The problem is that every single day you are trying to make life unfold in a way that you can handle it. Instead of you learning how to handle it you are trying to manipulate the outside world to meet your preferences. You are wanting for every moment that unfolds in front of you to be the way that you want or not to be the way that you don't want. This means that you are not changing or transforming. In the future you hope that the world will be the way that you want and not the way that you don't want. This is enough to make you neurotic. You even want the past to be the way that you want.


Spirituality is not about getting the world to be the way that you want. So, this is the foundation of where we're starting. It is the true foundation and root of Self-realisation and Enlightenment. It's not very high is it? All of this misguided approach is assuming one thing: It assumes that the world has to change because you can't change. You are taught to control the outside so that when it comes in you feel better. It's all about you - your ego - the "I, me. mine' approach to life. It's all about you because you are not OK. Mastering life is not about getting what you want. It's about accepting life. You are saying that you can't accept life the way it is, so that you're using all your powers to change things to make it be the way you want it to be. Your ego will never go away using these methods. And Enlightenment will remain elusive; a closed door.


Spirituality is about honouring and respecting reality: You are changing your insides to be whole, complete, and OK so that when you go into the world you don't need anything. You are then full of joy, peace, and full of spiritual bliss. You are a beam of light. You are then someone who is able to help others, your loved ones, and help your Self.


Rumi said “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing my Self.” The solution is to learn to fix you inside. So you get to the point where you realise that the way forward is to change your Self rather than the outside world. Make it so that you can handle reality when it comes in. Come out and serve and raise the energy. Do whatever you can to make the world a better place. Don't try and rearrange the furniture of the world, or the actors on the stage, because you can't handle it. This is the foundation of spirituality and awakening.


You can't make things the way you want because of the Law of cause and effect. The moments unfolding in front of you have a history and they are beyond your control. They are simply the result of everything that happened in the history of the world before them. Nothing is personal. It is the way that it is. It is only the ego that thinks that it personal as it takes everything personally. What has happened is the result of all the forces in the Universe and nothing to do with you. You are projecting your problems into this world outside that has very little to do with you. It has to do with itself. Chemistry, physics, biology, and psychology.


If you want to learn to handle things it is exactly the same as learning a sport or anything else. Start with the 'low hanging fruit': Such as being unhappy with the weather or the way the car in front of you is driving. Start with very simple things. Then move on to more challenging obstacles like relationship and work issues. You can then move on to what might feel like insurmountable mountains like serious illness or your life falling apart. Sun Tzu said "He will win who knows how to handle both superior and inferior forces."


If you can learn to handle things, which is the teaching of this article, you and everyone around you will be much better off. You can learn to handle it. You can learn to be OK with things, and not only OK - you can learn to appreciate, respect and honour things: All things. You can accept them and then take action. Take a step out of limbo to the other side of fear. All things are the way they are because all of the things that happened through the Law of cause and effect that made them be that way. If you can handle it you can have clarity and you will do the most constructive thing that you can do in that particular situation. You work to help or solve the situation.


Those who can handle it are the people that changed the world like the Buddha, Jesus, Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr.: Not one of them once said they couldn't handle it. This is the practise of acceptance and non-resistance. If you resist it's not going to help.


Jesus said in Matthew 28:30 “Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your Souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” This meant that he was completely at peace as he completely accepted reality. Jesus had no preferences. Therefore he did not suffer. He had no burden. Despite all his trials and tribulations, even when he was crucified. He had pain but no suffering.

 

Gandhi said "Christ belongs to the entire world." Gandhi has said that Jesus Christ and the 'Bhagavad Gita', the ancient spiritual Hindu text, which is in my 'Suggested Reading' list, were the greatest influences in moulding his life. Jesus did not live to see much of the results of his work and his trials. Jesus was a Super Coach. Gandhi was more fortunate. By his ideal conduct Gandhi will go down in history as a great saviour who has changed the destinies not only of individuals and of India, but of whole other nations. Gandhi was a young Indian lawyer who became the leader of the movement for the independence of India through the use of non-violence and non-resistance. Gandhi stated that the most important battle to fight was overcoming his own demons, fears, and insecurities. He learned how to handle incredibly complex and difficult situations. In other words, he learned to change him Self.


Gandhi used what he called 'Soul force' (his Higher Power) as a political means, refusing to use brute force against the oppressor, seeking to eliminate antagonisms between the oppressor and the oppressed, aiming to transform or 'purify' the oppressor. It is not inaction but determined passive resistance and non-co-operation where, states Arthur Herman, "Love conquers hate." Stop fighting the world: The Universe will always win.


Gandhi wrote “Success often follows a path where you are initially ignored, ridiculed, opposed, and then ultimately victorious.” He also said that “Real strength isn’t about winning; it’s about enduring hardships without giving up.” This quote underscores the idea that courage and perseverance in taking action (this is how you step out of limbo) after accepting things as they are in the face of challenges define true strength. This is the basis of the 12 step 'Serenity Payer' which has Stoic and Buddhist origins "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."


Winning or losing is not as important as how you handle the situation. You can apply this lesson to your own life by embracing failures and setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow. Don’t let temporary defeats discourage you from trying again. Remember that your strength comes from overcoming difficulties. Gandhi said that “Fear is the true adversary.” He used his Faith to face adversity, saying “My Faith shines the brightest when faced with the darkest challenges.” He faces his fear and took steps out of limbo. You can apply this lesson to your own life by strengthening your Faith in your Self and in others. He firmly believed that “Our actions in the present shape the future.” He said that “Our most significant capacity as humans is to transform our Selves, not necessarily the world.” Learn to accept and handle situations and no adversity will not be able to be overcome. He spoke from experience. His ability to take action was like the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, saying “Focus on taking the right actions, regardless of immediate outcomes, as the act itself is what truly matters.”


Being able to handle it is like learning to play and instrument. You have to practice your music scales before playing Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto No. 3 in D minor in a symphony orchestra: This work has the reputation of being one of the most technically challenging piano concertos in the standard classical piano repertoire. But you won't be able to play it if you hadn't started with your scales. This is the metaphor for learning in this article.

 

Being able to handle it may be more difficult if you had a traumatic dysfunctional childhood, but it’s still possible. Having this kind of childhood may give you a greater sense of fear. But it’s no longer a question of your survival. You are no longer the petrified 7-year old you (your ego). You can now learn to handle everything.


You can make a decision with intuitive clarity, take action, let go of the outcome, and hand it over to your Higher Power: This is the teaching of the Bhagavad Gita. For really big obstacles and events they have already happened so the best option is always to handle them. It's the same for everything. It's the same techniques. Getting upset, frightened, worried, anxious, or angry will not result in the best outcome. However if you can handle it and accept it you may be able to change things. If you are not OK everything will bother you. If you feel good inside you will make decisions with clarity. Negativity is a habit. It makes you feel negative inside.


It comes down to this: "How do I learn to change the inside?" You can use techniques to make you feel better inside. There is a deeper path. Meditation undoubtedly helps. But why is it negative and disturbed in there? The answer is very simple. It is negative in there because you stored every single thing that ever bothered you inside of you. This is your 'Pandora's Box'. This means that everything bothers you. The things that bothered you the most you store for sure. If they try to come back up you push them down again. That is why you are not OK. If you didn't do that ever you would be in spiritual ecstasy and bliss right now. You would be Enlightened. There would be nothing holding you down. If you were a helium balloon with hot air in it if you cut the tethers it is going up. This is the metaphor to remember as you learn to handle things. Stop storing things inside of you. Let them go right through you. Otherwise, they will ruin your insides. This is what makes you feel disturbed. If you get don't get what you want you will be disturbed and if you don't not get what you don't want you will be disturbed. This is called conditional well-being. This article is the path to unconditional well-being. The fact that you need to make the world the way that you want it to be means that there is something wrong psychologically. These are not psychological needs: You are whole and complete in your Self. If you're out there trying to get what you want it means that you want something and you are in a state of lack. The Universe then responds by providing more lack. You are BEing of pure love and pure light. You have infinite divine bliss accessible to you and you don't even know it.

 

In John 14:12 Jesus says “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father.” Jesus is describing a state of consciousness here. You don't feel this state because you blocked yourself. The past is over. The event that bothered you is no longer happening. Why is it still bothering you? Because you stored it. You're allowing your trauma to bother you for the rest of your life. No one has taught you this previously. You don't need to store these things. You are not OK because you stored this rubbish inside of you. You suppressed it. Because you couldn't handle it you pushed their experience down inside of you. Then you keep pushing it down.


Your subconscious is what you don't want to look at : Your 'Shadow' (as described by the psychiatrist, analytical psychologist, and spiritual Master Carl Jung) and your quiet, currently asleep Higher Power. If you let those things come into consciousness you stop storing things and things passed through you. Then your whole mind is whole. It is no longer divided into fragments. You have reintegrated your psyche - your conscious and unconscious mind, in other words your inner child, Shadow, and Higher Power have become one. So look at these things consciously and they will come up and pass through you. Don't put anything into your subconscious. Spirituality says don't put anything in there and see what happens. Then there is no blockage. Then all of a sudden you will feel spiritual bliss.


To grow spiritually means that firstly you stop putting stuff into your subconscious. Secondly, if things start to come back up then welcome them. You won't be able to do that until you learn to handle the little things. You have to learn the 'scales' first. It matters that you can't handle the driver in front of you. Practise being OK with their driving: You don't need road rage in your life. You don't need to make everything else the way you need it to be to feel OK inside. This is because you are not OK. So, although right now you may not feel that you can handle life you are able to learn to do it. The more you practice the higher you are going to get. The more you practice the more you're able to handle it. Do this with all of life. When you face an obstacle the first thing to do is relax, breathe, then tell your Self “I can handle this.” Then take action from a place of intuitive clarity. Let go of the outcome and hand it over to a Higher Power.


These are very deep and yet simple teachings. They will give you a programme on how to live your life.


For a spiritual person who is trying to evolve and grow, regret and shame (which is such a huge topic) do not belong anywhere inside of you. Your past mistakes were simply opportunities to learn. They were lessons. And those lessons keep being sent to you by the part of you that loves you the most, until you learn them. Then those obstacles stop being presented to you. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who described the stages of grief, said reassuringly that "We're put here on Earth to learn our own lessons. No one can tell you what your lessons are; it is part of your personal journey to discover them. On these journeys we may be given a lot, or just a little bit, of the things we must grapple with, but never more than we can handle."


Success is like a wild horse. If you do not know how to handle it, it will throw you off and look for another rider who can handle it well. The thing about Truth is, not a lot of people can handle it. I always think about the idea that God never gives you more than you can handle, and just the idea that God would be looking at me and thinking, 'Eh, I think he can handle more.' And the angels thinking, 'What are you doing? You're a lunatic.' And God being like, 'No, no, trust me. He can handle this.' Everyone is handed adversity in life. No one's journey is easy. It's how they handle it that makes people unique.


Perhaps success is more difficult to handle than failure. We self-sabotage due to cognitive dissonance. As we grow spiritually, we learn to handle situations differently than we normally would. Sometimes you surprise your Self with what you can handle, and if you come out the other end with some wisdom, then it's not such a bad thing. So, though there are many things I would have done differently, I submit to my Higher Power's sovereignty and his purpose in my life and I thank him that he brought me the way he brought me and gave me what he gave me when he thought I could handle it. Roger Federer, the tennis legend said "Obviously, matches and all that stuff takes its toll on your body and so forth. But as you get sort of a bit older, a bit wiser, and a bit more experienced, you know also how to handle it." Every day, there's a different twist and turn you're not going to see coming, and how you handle it that is important.


With guilt, regret, and shame you cannot move on. You can grow and there is something beautiful inside of you. Forgive your Self and forgive anyone for their actions and say "Thank you for making me the person that I am today. If I had not gone through that experience I would not have learned what I learned."


Now, when the rubbish comes back up, welcome it. If things come back up throw them a party! Shoving things into the dark subconscious is like locking a child in a cage for misbehaving. Stop being afraid of life. Raise your Self rather than trampling down your Self. It’s your job to raise that up. When it comes back up just relax. Be compassionate to the event. You can handle everything. This is how you cease to be caught in the rough waters of your ego mind. This is the way of miracles. You will raise the world by raising you. As you evolve spiritually you will become seated in witness consciousness. As you learn to handle things that you couldn't handle previously, thanks to your Higher Power, you will have a spiritual awakening. You will start to bathe in an ocean of energy and light.


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


Olly


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Hello,

I am delighted and enchanted to meet you. I coach men with 'Deep Coaching', 'Supercoaching', and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my email for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching on Zoom or in person. 


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I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have a number of other higher qualifications in science and surgery. I have published over 50 peer reviewed PubMed cited scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for over five years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.




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