Life Anonymous: A Secular 12 Step Programme For Everyone
- olivierbranford
- May 4
- 51 min read
Updated: May 6
We all suffer from the human condition; that's why it's called the human condition: The philosopher Michel de Montaigne wrote that "Every man bears the whole stamp of the human condition." We are all spiritually dis-eased.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, the scientist and spiritual teacher wrote that "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience." Marianne Williamson, the spiritual teacher, said that "Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don't know it." This quote suggests that all individuals are inherently on a journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth, even if they are unaware of it. She emphasises that this journey is fundamentally about unlearning fear and embracing love.
Werner Herzog wrote "I think it is a quest of literature throughout the ages to describe the human condition." The 'Big Book' of the 12 steps is the most concise spiritual text ever written, and in its 164 pages, it defines the human condition, the problems that we all have, and the solutions to them. It outlines the spiritual journey of looking within. It is a gateway to wisdom and Truth.
I believe that everyone should work the 12 steps of the 'Big Book'. The 12 steps is the most used and effective basis of recovery from addiction known. I call Life Anonymous 'LA', the 12 steps for non-addicts, in the same vein that Alcoholics anonymous is called 'AA'. I would strongly suggest that LA is for everyone. In this article I will explain why.
This article is for anyone who wants to get out of a painful internal or interpersonal cycle and seek a better way of living. The 12 step model for recovery and healing has helped millions of addicts worldwide not only find and maintain sobriety but live healthier, more joyful, more peaceful, more intimately connected lives. But for some reason, this formula has never taken root beyond the recovering addict community. Until now. I have wondered why—when it is so clear to so many that the 12 steps can help any person (addicted or not)—this proven program for healthy change is not more widely utilised. Every person can use the 12 steps to ignite profound change.
The simple truth is that people in deep struggle can appear to be quite high functioning. The 12 steps are about identifying what is not working in our lives and making changes to better both our Selves and our relationships. Ultimately, healthy connection with Self and others is what it’s all about. The 12 steps includes deep teachings about the often poorly understood concepts of surrender and acceptance. Whoever you are, whatever your situation, your life can be better. Much better. And the 12 step process described in this article can help you make that happen.
I believe that the 12 steps may be a secular approach to our healing, not a religious one, as the word 'God' in the 'Big Book' of the 12 steps may be replaced by anything that can act as a 'Higher Power' than us, including Nature, the Universe, or love. The 12 steps is not a 'cult.'
The 12 steps is no less than the path to spiritual awakening, Self-realisation, and Enlightenment. I have tried all the others techniques used for this, and read many books on philosophy, positive psychology, and spirituality, and nothing is more powerful than the 12 steps in creating change and recovering who we truly are. Are you spiritually mature yet? Let's dive in...
We all need the 12 steps
I am absolutely convinced that everyone needs the 12 steps in order to heal, which means to become whole, whether they are addicts or not. It's called recovery, as you recover who you truly are: Your real Self, your Soul.
Almost everyone has heard of the 12 steps, which have transformed the lives of millions of alcoholics and addicts, bringing them healing, recovery, meaning, and purpose. No wonder the twelve steps are the basis of more than 100 fellowships. But, can you harness the power of those steps if you don’t have a 'problem'? Yes, absolutely, What if the dissatisfaction in your life can’t be traced to any specific behaviour or substance, yet you still find yourself suffering from a sense of dis-ease, which is the spiritual dis-ease that is the human condition? The 12 steps is for you.
This article is for you! It's for every one of you. It’s for anyone who feels weighed down by anger, hatred, resentment, worry, or fear. For anyone who knows they’re not being their 'best Self', but who can’t figure out how to be, do, and achieve better: For anyone who wants to harness the power of the 12 steps, regardless of how they identify with it. This guide presents a thorough and comprehensive look at how to work the 12 steps. We all need healing, recovery of our true Selves, and to be able to manifest abundantly in our lives. Only you can decide if you’re tired enough of your current way of life to put the effort into changing it. When the emotional pain of remaining the same becomes greater than that of following the 12 step process, this opens the doors to begin your journey. Anaïs Nin wrote “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
We are all addicts in any case!
Dr. Gabor Maté, one of the world's leading protagonists for childhood trauma, attachment and authenticity, and addiction, has said that "90 percent of people are addicts, and the other 10 percent are fooling themselves." In view of the fact that there are over one hundred 12 step groups, most people can find one that applies to them. There are behavioural addictions such as workaholism, shopping, eating, gambling, the internet, social media, gaming, codependency, and sex and love addiction. There are also alcohol and substance addictions.
AA is not about alcohol, and sex and love addiction is not about sex or love. They are only a low-level solution to the emotional pain that we all carry from childhood trauma. These solutions do not work. We mistakenly remember what those addictions do to for us, and forget what they do to us. They are also insatiable and can lead to mental and physical illness, and death. The 12 steps gives us a high-level solution to all of ours problems - remembering who we truly are: Our Soul.
The 12 steps
The 'Big Book' of the 12 steps and the 'Twelve and Twelve' book on working the steps only actually mention alcohol in the first step. The other 11 steps represent the inner work that must be done via a programme for living, which most of us don't have until we work the 12 steps, whether we are addicts or not, how to evolve spiritually (and by this I don't mean religion) through the spiritual experience, and how to connect with a power greater than ourselves in order to manifest all that we want in life, in accordance with our true purpose, the calling, which resides in our spiritual DNA. The spiritual experience is simply to achieve what we could previously not do unaided by ourselves.
Here are the 12 steps, and note that the word alcohol is only used in step 1, which could be replaced in LA as “We admitted we were powerless — that our lives had become unmanageable”:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God/ Nature/ the Universe/ love as we understood Him/it.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Note that in LA, the word 'God' can be replaced with any equivalent, such as Nature, the Universe, or love, that matches your understanding of the 'Higher Power' that lies within each of us, through which we make conscious contact in step 11 through the super powerful effects of prayer and meditation. Both of these have been shown to alter how the brain works, literally rewiring it.
Step 1 teaches us that powerlessness is not hopelessness or helplessness. It simply means we have no control over the Universe. I joke with people that I am only powerless over nouns (people, places, and things), in other words, 'emotional sobriety' (described below). The only person I need to be in control of is me. We can't control the Universe.
Having a manageable life requires three things:
acceptance of our powerlessness,
rigorous honesty with Self,
and the support of good people whom we love unconditionally.
When we resolve the aspects of our lives that are unmanageable, the life we most want becomes possible. The most important element of step1 is acceptance.
Steps 2 and 3 give us the choice to believe in something - anything, that can improve our lives. It doesn't require a doctrine or religiosity. If love can restore us and we consciously choose to be more loving in order to be healthier, that is a great step in the right direction.
So, steps 1-3 are all about surrender.
Steps 4 and 5 guide us to making a 'moral inventory' can be as simple as the untold stories, secrets, and other sources of shame that we continue to carry as burdens in our lives. If we choose to write these out, we externalise what we've fought to keep from the light of day. If we can share even some of these with trusted others, by being open and vulnerable, it lightens our load.
In steps 6 and 7, instead of continuing to hide our flaws, we expose them. Let's share the things we don't like about ourselves and work together to change them. When we don't share our goals we most often disappoint ourselves. When we allow others to support us and hold us accountable, lasting change becomes vastly more attainable.
In steps 8 and 9 we have an opportunity to take stock. Each of us lives with regret. Are there apologies to be made? Can we make an effort to right our past wrongs? Even a card or a letter in which we take responsibility for mistakes or hurtful actions can be liberating to those we wronged.
In step 10 we take a daily personal inventory, which can be as simple as reflecting on your day. What went well? What still needs improvement? Introspection is the key to continued growth, evolution, and transformation, and affords us a safeguard against complacency. Admitting our mistakes is an ongoing lesson in humility. It prevents resentments from being formed and promotes harmony. This is not a lesson, so much as a reminder.
Step 11 teaches us how to make conscious contact with our Higher Power through prayer and meditation.
Step 12 teaches us the the importance of being of service to others. Doing this also promotes and safeguards our own healing and recovery.
For the spiritual teacher Anthony de Mello, who wrote the brilliant book called ‘Awareness’, which is in my ‘Suggested Reading’ list, spirituality is fundamentally about waking up to the truth that joy is already within each of us. Spirituality, for de Mello, involves recognising and dropping false, negative, limiting beliefs, attachments, and neurotic patterns that keep you from experiencing the beauty, wonder, and awe of life. De Mello's says that spirituality is inclusive, drawing from both Eastern and Western traditions to help individuals connect with their inner Self, their hearts, and a spiritual force of their choosing. De Mello uses the metaphor of ‘waking up’ to describe the spiritual journey, implying that most people are living in a state of asleep unconsciousness, unaware of their true nature and potential if they can awaken.
Regardless of whether you subscribe to your own tailor-made spirituality designed with your Higher Power, a monotheistic religion like Judaism, Christianity, or Islam, or you take part in a non-theistic religion like Buddhism and Taoism, spirituality is a vital part of your recovery experience. The same goes with people who fall into an agnostic or atheistic line of thinking.
Marianne Williamson, the presidential candidate, author of the New York Times bestselling book 'A Return to Love' and ' Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey from Suffering to Enlightenment', which are both in my 'Suggested Reading' list, and huge advocate of 'A Course In Miracles', says that "Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don't know it. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love."
The 'spiritual experience'
In Appendix 2 of the Big Book, it defines the term 'spiritual experience' as follows:
The terms ‘spiritual experience’ and ‘spiritual awakening’ are used many times in this book which, upon careful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms. Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes, or religious experiences, must be in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals. Happily for everyone, this conclusion is erroneous. In the first few chapters a number of sudden revolutionary changes are described. Though it was not our intention to create such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in order to recover they must acquire an immediate and overwhelming “God consciousness” followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook. Among our rapidly growing membership of thousands of alcoholics such transformations, though frequent, are by no means the rule. Most of our experiences are what the psychologist William James calls the “Educational variety” because they develop slowly over a period of time. Quite often friends of the newcomer are aware of the difference long before he is himself. He finally realises that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self-discipline. With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves. Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it “God-consciousness.” Most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial. We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable. At the end of Appendix 2 of the Big Book it quotes Herbert Spencer, stating that “There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance— that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”
The spiritual principles of the 12 steps
The spiritual principles of recovery are a guide to fulfilment and strength in healing and recovery that correspond to the original 12 steps of 12 step recovery programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). These principles are laid out as a path for those looking to gain spiritual growth, evolution, and personal transformation. Healing and recovery in a 12 step recovery program requires honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. The recovery process is an ongoing way of life that gives us a programme and guide on how to live that everyone should be aware of.
The spiritual principles of recovery are governing principles to heal us from the inside out, teaching us the importance of things like having patience and gratitude. People in recovery can practice these principles with ease, as they often need to remind themselves that their purpose in life is to become more fully themselves.
Below are the spiritual principles of recovery, listed in order with the corresponding step:
Step 1: Acceptance
The 2nd Step: Hope
The 3rd Step: Faith
Step 4: Courage
Step 5: Honesty
The 6th Step: Patience
Step 7: Humility
Step 8: Willingness
The 9th Step: Brotherly Love
Step 10: Integrity
Step 11: Self-discipline
The 12th Step: Service
As people work through the 12 Steps, they are meant to apply each principle, taking the time to reflect on the meaning behind the practice and how it can better their life. We can use mantras and prayers that align with our goals, dreams, and aspirations and assist us in coping with the stressors of daily life.
These spiritual principles correspond to each of the 12 steps. You may practice these principles in all of your affairs, not just in healing and recovery. In doing so, the spiritual principles help you to become a better person. A large part of recovery is personal growth. Working a 12 step program of recovery can assist in this growth! Becoming a better person starts with Self-awareness. Self-awareness starts by reminding yourself of the goals you wish to achieve and the person you want to be. So, as we practice these spiritual principles, we transition into the best versions of ourselves as a result.
I recommend the 12 steps to everyone, even to people who have never experienced addiction because they provide opportunities for healing, Self-discovery, and spiritual growth.
The 12 steps is not a 'cult'
One of elements of the 12 steps is that some psychotherapists and psychiatrists, who are largely ignorant about addiction, and many are barely taught about it, call the 12 steps a 'cult', because it uses the word God. I would challenge this, saying that we can use whatever word that we want for our 'Higher Power', whether it be Nature, the Universe, the Soul, the real you, or love. One review, in the Journal of Health Communication, asserts that these programs bore little semblance to religious cults.
I believe that the reason that many of these professionals ignorantly call it a cult and that they try to discourage patients to follow it is that the 12 steps are free, so patients would stop paying for their medical treatment, and that the 12 steps has been proven to be more effective effective than the most commonly used psychotherapeutic methods, including cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) in patient recovery, so they are scared of losing their clients to it This is unscrupulous and disingenuous. The 12 step programme, on the other hand, does not discourage in any way for people to both work the programme and have medical treatments at the same time. I have found that the 12 steps have changed my life more than therapy or medication. How can those who don’t believe in the Soul be expected to heal it? I was fortunate enough on my journey to have both a psychiatrist and psychotherapist that both advocated the 12 steps and who understood that true healing means to 'become whole', using a holistic approach that lies beyond the capabilities of modern medicine alone.
The gifts of the 12 steps
Many of us suffer unnecessarily because of how we react to what happens to us in life, instead of taking time to choose the appropriate response. Life Anonymous (LA) is a 12 step guide to life for non-addicts, adapting the spiritual program of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) for the needs of everyone. I have compiled a guide that will take you on a journey through the 12 steps, from reacting hurtfully and resentfully to responding kindly and genuinely. I see the 12 steps as one of the greatest gifts ever given to humanity. In this article, I make its gifts accessible to everyone who wants to change for the better. I am eternally grateful for the new life it has given me. I want everyone to experience its wonders. By changing our Selves, we can make the world a wonderful place for everyone to live in, instead of the world of chaos, hatred, and dysfunction that currently typifies it.
The gifts of the 12 steps to all of us are manifold. These include guiding us to understanding surrender, having a spiritual experience, gaining the voice of intuition (through our conscious contact with our Higher Power and a Universal intelligence way beyond our own intelligence), understanding the power of acceptance, losing our egocentric fears, becoming humble yet powerful, regaining our integrity and authenticity by becoming whole again, losing our character defects, making amends and atoning, being open, honest and vulnerable, yet courageous and powerful, dropping our resentments, freeing ourselves from hatred through forgiveness, replacing the 'stinking thinking' of our ego (which is our main problem in life), teaching us about daily ego deflation, how to serve others and that it is in giving that we receive through the Natural Law of Karma (which is as true as any Natural law such as gravity), and taking on the core value of service at the heart of everything that we do.
Carl Jung, Bill W. and the 12 steps
Carl Jung, the brilliant Swiss psychiatrist, father of analytical psychology, psychotherapist, metaphysical philosopher, who was also a spiritual Master, wrote in a letter to Bill Wilson (known as Bill W.), who was the founding father of the 12 step movement and author of the main text of the Big Book of AA, in 1961, over 60 years ago, that "The only right and legitimate way to such a (spiritual) experience is, that it happens to you in reality and it can only happen to you when you walk on a path, which leads you to a higher understanding. You might be led to that goal by an act of Grace or through a personal and honest contact with friends, or through a higher education of the mind beyond the confines of mere rationalism."
Bill W. combined timeless philosophy, positive psychology, medical approaches, Buddhist teachings, the philosophical aspects of metaphors contained within Christianity and the Bible, and spirituality, in order to write the Big Book, being first published in 1939, 86 years ago. Buddhism does not believe in a creator 'God' in the way that many other religions do. Buddhism focuses on the path to Enlightenment through personal effort and understanding, rather than relying on a divine being. Buddhism teaches the importance of living with generosity and compassion for all beings.
Step 1 of the 12 steps is "We admitted we were powerless (over alcohol) — that our lives had become unmanageable."
Powerlessness is a much misunderstood term. For those undergoing transformation, spiritual awakening and Enlightenment, admitting to powerlessness is the first, the hardest, and most avoided step. Yet without this first step of powerlessness, you cannot access the power of the Universe: In others words, without powerlessness, you cannot experience Real Personal Power. Powerlessness is the existential launchpad for the recovery of your Soul, it’s divine purpose, and its true power.
Franz Kafka and George Orwell both talked about powerlessness in their Dystopian novels. The theme has repeatedly been studied in the works of Hegel, Marx, Weber, Fromm, and Durkheim. Powerlessness has to do with man’s essence: Our ego and our soul. Powerlessness was described as the expectancy or probability held by the individual that his own behaviour cannot determine the occurrence of the outcomes, or reinforcements, he seeks, resulting in great suffering.
Franz Kafka was a writer whose words cut deep into the darkest corners of the human soul: Kafka’s ability to weave nightmarish tales of failure, powerlessness, self-loathing, and anxiety has left an indelible mark on the literary landscape of the 20th century. At the heart of Kafka’s literary brilliance lies his unyielding courage to explore the depths of his own darkness. He dared to venture where many fear to tread, uncovering the raw emotions that lurk within each one of us. Through his characters’ struggles with the enigmatic nature of existence, Kafka touched upon our deepest fears. As I reflect on Kafka’s life and works, I realise the profound lesson he imparts: Embrace the darkness within. Our struggles, anxieties, and self-loathing need not be hidden away in the recesses of our minds. Instead, they can be channelled into avenues of self-expression, catharsis, and ultimately, transformation. In the act of writing, Kafka found solace and purpose. His stories serve as a testament to the power of artistic expression to confront our inner demons and give them shape and meaning. We, too, can find liberation in journaling, writing, or any form of creative outlet that allows us to confront our fears and navigate the complexities of our existence. For me, I write daily, both in the early morning and late at night, and find there a place of total presence.
Russell Baker wrote “The twentieth century seems afflicted by a gigantic power failure. Powerlessness and the sense of powerlessness may be the environmental disease of the age.” The acknowledgement of powerlessness is the first step in empowerment. Marianne Williamson wrote “We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world… Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us… We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Henri Nouwen wrote “To be a minister means above all to become powerless, or in more precise terms, to speak with our powerlessness to the condition of powerlessness which is so keenly felt but so seldom expressed by the people of our age.”
The term 'powerlessness' describes a feeling of being unable to control one’s life: Realising you don't know how to handle situations without guidance. It means that whatever power is usually involved in making sound choices in our emotional behaviour did not reside with us. The fact that we became captives of these things shows that there was something extremely important and powerful in our emotional patterns which gave us some kind of “payoff’ that we thought we needed. Sometimes we were seeking to screen the world, with all its demands and responsibilities, out of our awareness by mesmerising ourselves.
All of us were using our emotional investments to lessen pain. These experiences became overwhelmingly compelling, carrying us along with them, exuberantly at first, and then less and less willingly. The original quest for distraction from life’s tensions and responsibilities, for relief from past guilt and present frustration, now led us into oblivion. The brave new worlds of morality where “anything goes” because “nothing matters” boomeranged, leaving us grasping for some residual sense of meaning or reality in life. Obsession and compulsion, now our masters, meant that control over our emotional lives no longer resided with us, or within us. We had lost control, regardless of whether we admitted it to ourselves or not. From the standpoint of “anything goes, who cares?” loss of control didn’t seem so bad. In fact, the addiction itself often held us spellbound, convinced that it was what we wanted. Many of us were so numbed that only a blast of emotional intensity from a 'hit' could penetrate and animate our progressively deadened, dissipated beings. Like a cattle prod jabbed into someone who is exhausted and dazed, an addictive hit jolted us into a temporary illusion that we were alive and really living. It was as though we had a voice in our heads which said, “If you get more, then everything will fall into place.”
Yet a vague but persistent nagging within our deepest self continued to bear witness that all was not well. Despite all the cultural and rational camouflage behind which our addiction could hide, it was impossible, short of suicide, to kill that innermost voice that whispered to us of life’s opportunities for growth and wholeness that we were helplessly letting slip by. The guilt of prior deeds or missed opportunities gave way to the deepest, most pervasive guilt of all: That of having left life unlived, of having turned our backs on the possibility of fulfilling a meaningful destiny. These existential pangs were not welcomed into our awareness. Yet they found their way in, whatever we did. We were brought to the terror of irrevocably losing sanity, of slipping over the edge of an abyss beyond which any stability and life purpose would be forever out of reach. We found this prospect to be more terrifying even than the thought of physical death. This loss of one’s Soul could only be all the more poignant if the body in which it lived continued to exist, unanimated spiritually from within, and driven by imperious instinctual drives which would now have become its masters.
Yet we were brought unconditional surrender. We decided we had to stop. Now we began to confront the second aspect of powerlessness: The paradox that surrender to the impossibility of control is the beginning of recovery. Most of us had attempted at various times a wide range of strategies to control our behaviour so that our lives would somehow blend in with our “other” lives as members of society. We compromised our authenticity. We would conclude that we would now be able to “manage things.” This merely lowered our defences, so that we sank back into the quicksand of our patterns again, sometimes within months or weeks, more often within days or hours. Our loss of control, had become an established fact. Thus we approached the prospect of surrendering with real humility, for we had no way of knowing if such a surrender was even possible. We were becoming desperate enough, once again, to try to extricate ourselves. We began to recognise that we were powerless. We had underestimated the desperate seriousness of our condition. In flailing about, trying to be free of a particularly painful situation, we had failed to comprehend the scope of the pattern towards which our current disaster was pointing, and of which it was a result.
We learned the hard way that there was no such thing as half-surrender. The certain pain of continuing how we were us to the admission of step 1, that “We were powerless over” and that we could not manage our lives. Finally, we reached a point of surrendering unconditionally. We were willing to be available to whatever might happen next within ourselves. Paradoxically, this was not willingness that came from strength, but from the certainty of the dire consequences of continuing as we were. As we turned from the old patterns, the painful emotions we had always tried to evade brought us to a series of insights which were the gift of the Second Step.
Powerlessness is usually associated with feelings of depression, anxiety, hopelessness, guilt, shame, worthlessness, fear, and stress.
The negative feelings associated with powerlessness are because we feel like we have lost control. This is the cunning, baffling, and powerful effect of the ego mind. In reality no one ever has control of the Universe. It is when we realise that only a Higher Power or God has any control and relax into the flow of the Universe that we gain Real Personal Power and lose our ego.
Gary Zukav wrote “Anything that we do to make ourselves feel worthy and safe is a flight from the pain of powerlessness. Every pursuit of external power - every attempt to change the world or a person in order to make yourself feel valuable and safe - is a distraction from the pain of powerlessness.”
Henri Nouwen wrote that “Jesus' whole life and mission involve accepting powerlessness and revealing in this powerlessness the limitlessness of God's love. Here we see what compassion means. It is not a bending toward the underprivileged from a privileged position; it is not a reaching out from on high to those who are less fortunate below; it is not a gesture of sympathy or pity for those who fail to make it in the upward pull. On the contrary, compassion means going directly to those people and places where suffering is most acute and building a home there.”
Recovering from powerlessness
Powerlessness is an invitation to change. Recovery is an invitation to go from lack of awareness to awareness: From powerlessness to Real Personal Power. From sadness to joy. From pain to peace. Recovery is a simple plan that works for everyone. The 12 step approach can be applied to any powerlessness in your life. Befriend your powerlessness. Embrace it. It’s your first step to finding the real you and to stop giving away your personal power. There is another way. You can work a programme. Step 1 invites us that we are using an external thing, person, or circumstance, including external validation, to make our lives liveable. We need a new source of power. It begins with the admission that we are powerless over our lives and that our lives have become unmanageable. We create chaos. The structure of recovery can’t be based on compulsive approach to life. Recovery is done one day at a time. It means living fully in the present moment. It means true surrender to a Higher Power. You can change. You don’t need to surrender your power to whatever rules you. Although this is the universal human condition, we are not simply human. The basis of spirituality is to remember the divine in you. The emotional pain and wound leads you to God. Your will, grit, determination, hustle, and perseverance in trying to control people, places, and things will not work. You have given your power away to them. It is by surrendering that we can begin to succeed. It’s is through our powerlessness that we can access all the power that we ever need. Your ego will turn your life to dust. You are your saviour. But to become your saviour you need to surrender your powerlessness to your Higher Power.
Our culture feeds the disease of addiction. We have no code or programme as to how to live. We are overwhelmed by the pain of being ourselves. The 12 steps are the way out of our detrimental habits. They are poor facsimiles of what we are actually seeking - spiritual bliss and unconditional love. We need to become a quantum leap away from Dr Jekyll turning into Mr Hyde. This is done through the 12 steps. This is nothing less than total personal transformation. Like turning water into wine. It’s choosing miracles over grievances. It’s developing a daily spiritual practice. It’s learning to hear the still quiet inner voice again. This programme is made by you for you using the 12 steps of recovery. If you don’t change, it will cost you your life. If you change, the entire foundation of your life will change.
Powerlessness is not in contrast to Kafka’s quote “Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own Soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.” But before you take such intuitively inspired action, you need to empty your cup of your ego. You need to realise, that "Power belongeth unto God," as it says in the Bible (Psalms 62:11). Remember also, that Jesus said “For, behold, the Kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21).
Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton, who founded the first Catholic schools in the United States, said “To live simply so that others can simply live.” Mahatma Gandhi “I must reduce myself to zero. So long as a man does not of his own free will put himself last among his fellow-creatures, there is no salvation for him.” Your ability to realise your utter powerlessness, to be humble, to ‘empty your cup’ and be filled with your Higher Power, is how you will heal and recover, and will shine a light for others to do the same. You are brought to your knees so that you will pray.
The serenity prayer of the 12 steps
This prayer, which teaches us the principles inspired by Stoic philosophy, is said at the end of every 12 step meeting, and it is as follows:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
The third step prayer of the 12 steps
The third step prayer of the 12 steps, which I say every morning before getting out of bed, encourages to lose our ego, that we may be guided to the will of our Higher Power, and takes away our fear and difficulties. I have found that it always produces miracles, even in my greatest challenges and obstacles.
The promises of the 12 steps
This is from the Big Book on pages 83-84:
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. 1
1. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realise that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialise if we work for them.
Emotional sobriety is the crystallisation of the essential message of the 12 step journey. Emotional sobriety is when what you believe about your Self matches the facts about you and you feel good about your Self. Our default position is to believe the worst. When you are emotionally sober, the input of others does not determine what you think about your Self. You are not dependent on other people, places, events, or things for your joy. You are not dependent on external validation for Self-love and Self-worth. Emotional insobriety makes you feel afraid when everything is actually ok. Believe in your Self. Let go of outcomes. Let go of control.
Simply serve the present moment in front of you. The 12 step recovery Big Book calls emotional insobriety the root of the problem. It’s grounded in fear. It’s an emotional syndrome. It always causes us to ultimately fail unless we do something about it. Surrender it.
Emotional sobriety means that we aren't emotionally intoxicated nor buffeted by the storms of our emotions. Emotional sobriety is the diamond, the crux of it, the distillation of the most important spiritual gold, the essence of healing and recovery. There is a solution, uncovered 70 years ago by Bill W., known around the world as Bill W., a founder of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step program of recovery. The solution is a practice called emotional sobriety. Bill W., found his solution in the concept of emotional sobriety, essentially the practice of learning not to try to control your emotions but rather to understand and moderate your reactions to them. In “The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety,” a letter written by Bill in 1953 he reflects on how even longtime sober AA members can lack emotional maturity, craving approval and security like dependent adolescents. He shares his personal struggles with this, realising he must relinquish irrational dependencies on people and circumstances to access emotional freedom. Wilson suggests that the means to this emotional freedom is the outgoing, unconditional love embodied in the Prayer of St. Francis, the 11th Step Prayer. Emotional sobriety - Bill Wilson’s letter was published in the Grapevine Magazine in 1958 titled: “Emotional Sobriety - The Next Frontier.”
Emotional sobriety occurs because our basic beliefs are false. It’s based on our most basic fear that we will be abandoned. We won’t be abandoned. We are worthy. We are loved. Our fear is that because we are unloved, unlovable and unworthy and that we will be abandoned and therefore die, because that is what happens when a child is abandoned, and we carry that fear into adulthood.
It necessitates a profound change in our entire way of thinking. This change in our thinking results in a change in our character. That change in character is the result of your actions plus Grace. You have done the inner work. Just drop the self-hatred. Accept Grace - you are touched by it. There is nothing to do apart from believe in and love your Self. God will give you those too, as Jesus said "My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one" (John 10:29-30). The best talk that I have ever heard about emotional sobriety is by Tom B.:
The solutions to emotional insobriety (in order to achieve emotional sobriety) are:
Surrender powerlessness over this condition - this involves Faith with action based on guidance by our Higher Power
Change from self-hatred to unconditional Self-love: Accept your Self as you are right now. The moment you accept your Self is the moment you begin to change. No more fear of not being good enough or of being abandoned. Accept all the parts of your Self as a whole (inner child, shadow and Higher Power). That’s your state of BEing. "Your Faith has made you whole" (Luke 17:19)
Connect with others who are compassionate. Ideally Enlightened Witnesses
Ask for help if needed
Serve others - give to others what you want and need without expectation - give unconditional love. You will discover the great law of life - Karma: What you give is what you get. "What I do to you is what I do to me". "This is a giving life "as Chuck C. used to say. It is only in giving that we may receive
Take it easy and experience your feelings as they really are, face them square-on, and deal with them on a day-to-day basis, avoiding behaviour that you have come to identify as troublesome. In the past, we were swept away by our emotions, trapped in that vicious cycle of automatic behaviours and feelings that reinforced how badly we felt about ourselves. It's difficult to experience feelings as they really are in that warlike state. We identify and face the behaviours and negative thoughts that leave us emotionally wrung out. We surrender our past pain and trauma as well as the lies we tell ourselves. We let others affirm and love us. We are worthwhile people. We no longer need to try to escape because of overwhelming, unpleasant feelings. As we emerge from our emotional haze, we are more present and more willing to act from our heart. Now, when we begin to feel unhealthy emotions, we ask our Higher Power and others for help. We begin to feel a profound connection to God and to life. We have stopped struggling and are flowing with life. As we become emotionally sober, we are more open, honest, respectful, grateful and loving. We embrace our emotions, as they make us feel alive and connected to life. Use the mantra: "I am emotionally present and learning to act from my heart. My emotions flow with the current of life."
The following is a great lecture b y Tom B. about emotional sobriety:
Here are 100 12 step aphorisms that we can repeat to ourselves, much in the same way that we would repeat a mantra. However, unlike mantras, they deflate our ego. The word God may be replaced with whatever is your conception of your Higher Power:
Easy does it.
First things first.
Live and let live.
But for the Grace of God.
One day at time.
Let go and let God.
K.I.S.S.---Keep It Simple Stupid.
Expect miracles.
I can't, He can, I think I'll let Him (Steps 1,2,3).
I came; I came to; I came to believe (Steps 1,2,3).
Keep coming back, it works if you work it.
Faith without works is dead.
If Faith without works is dead; then willingness without action is fantasy.
To Thine own Self be true.
If God seems far away, who moved?
Turn it over.
We are only as sick as our secrets.
Be part of the solution, not the problem.
Willingness is the key.
More will be revealed.
You will intuitively know.
Just for today.
Let it begin with me.
Where you go, there you are.
Share your pain.
Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.
To keep it, you have to give it away.
You can't give away what you don't have.
Half measures availed us nothing.
Anger is but one letter away from danger.
Fear is the darkroom where negatives are developed.
There is no chemical solution to a spiritual problem.
Spirituality is the ability to get our minds off ourselves.
Faith is spelled a-c-t-i-o-n.
The first step in overcoming mistakes is to admit them.
Formula for failure: Try to please everyone.
When your head begins to swell your mind stops growing.
A journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step.
G.O.D. = Good Orderly Direction.
You received without cost, now give without charge.
Humility is our acceptance of ourselves.
Faith is not belief without proof but trust without reservation.
We're responsible for the effort not the outcome.
E.G.O. = Edging God Out.
Minds are like parachutes - they won't work unless they're open.
If you turn it over and don't let go of it, you will be upside down.
God taught us to laugh again but God please don't let us forget that we once cried.
Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm.
When you do all the talking you only learn what you already know.
When we surrender to our Higher Power, the journey begins.
H.A.L.T.=Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
When wallowing in your self-pity, get off the cross, we need the wood.
We are not human beings having spiritual experiences; we are spiritual beings having human experiences.
Remember nothing is going to happen today that you and God can't handle.
The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.
The only thing we take from this world when we leave is what we gave away.
Time wasted in getting even can never be used in getting ahead.
H.O.W. = Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness.
If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.
Faith is our greatest gift; its sharing with others our greatest responsibility.
Trust God, clean house, help others.
Religion is for those who fear Hell, spirituality is for those who have been there.
Intolerance = Contempt, prior to investigation.
You are exactly where you are supposed to be.
God will never give you more than you can handle.
A coincidence is a miracle in which God chooses to remain anonymous.
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problems at once.
There are two days in every week which we have no control over - yesterday and tomorrow. Today is the only day we can change.
It is not the experience of today that drives people mad, it is remorse of yesterday and the dread of tomorrow.
Denial is not a river in Egypt, but you can drown in it.
There is no magic in recovery only miracles.
If it is meant to be, I can't stop it. If it isn't God's will, I can't make it happen.
Write a gratitude list and count your blessings.
Remove the obstacles in your mind.
Live life on life's terms.
People who are wrapped up in themselves make a very small package indeed.
We have a choice.
Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over, and over again, expecting different results.
You are an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.
F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real.
F.E.A.R. = Face Everything and Recover.
Don't let unpleasant people rent space in your head.
F.A.I.T.H. = Fantastic Adventure in Trusting Him.
Sorrow shared is halved; joy shared is doubled.
There is pain in recovery. Misery is optional.
I am unique, just like everybody else.
We are all just walking each other home.
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation "some fact of my life" unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Learn the rules, then break the rules.
The biggest risk in life is in taking no risks. Being alive is a risk, so double down and live bold and brave.
You are the expert on you. No other human being can help you more than you can help your Self. You are your saviour.
A real-life example of finding the 12 steps for a non-addict and her book
Kristen M. Snowden, a non-addict and therapist, wrote in Newsweek about her personal, journey to discovering the 12 steps.
She wrote: "I found the 12 steps of addiction recovery in a way many addicts do: Lost, desperate, broken, and looking for change. However, I wasn't drinking daily, using drugs, gambling or overeating. To most, I was a high-functioning, happily married, mother of two who was gainfully employed as a mental health therapist. But after a string of brutal life events in the late 2000s turned my world upside down, I found myself floundering, rage-filled, and drowning in fear and shame. I initially turned to religion for help and answers but only found platitudes that further fed my resentment and despair. Then I sought therapy and found a string of therapists that seemed to agree with whatever I was saying. Supportive? Yes. Helpful in changing my dire circumstances? No. My lack of understanding of myself, what I was experiencing, and how to cope with it all created a dark storm of emotions in me. I became possessed by my hatred toward God, cancer, my husband, and every other uncontrollable entity in my life. I became robotic and selfish in my choices, turning my back on all of my guiding principles and values. Only retrospectively do I realise what I was searching for all that time: A community of non-judgmental people who bravely shared their stories and insight into their messiness, that one couldn't help but feel inspired to dig deep and begin to own one's own darkness and light. The 12 steps community was where I found that. Even as a non-addict. Later, when I learned about step one of the 12 steps of addiction recovery, I realised that even though I was not technically an 'addict', I was experiencing what addicts call 'powerlessness.' I had lost control of my life, my faculties; everything I had previously known was important to me. I was clueless about what healthy coping skills to use to stop the pain and what the healthy way forward from it all. My life had become unmanageable and I needed a new manager. I had to do what recovering addicts call 'surrender.' To members of 12 step fellowships, the steps are far more than a few sentences on a poster. The 12 steps represent a community, an accountability structure, and a system of challenging and restructuring flawed ways of thinking and acting. Most of all, they have been proven to be an effective pathway out of misery for many. This was precisely what I needed. I dove into the work of learning about 12 steps and addiction recovery, reading several of the 12 steps fellowship material, including; Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. It's important to note that I didn't 'work"'the steps in the way that is recommended by recovering addicts. I didn't regularly attend 12 step meetings, form a 12 step sober community, find someone to 'sponsor' my recovery while working the 12 step exercises with that sponsor. And I have tremendous respect for those who do. At the time, I wasn't sure which type of meeting was appropriate for a non-substance using, semi-love addict, newly scorned divorcee. Instead, I tried to work the steps through osmosis, focusing on common themes of each step. Steps one through three are about realising that I have a problem and that my best efforts still brought me here, so I need to own what's not working while also be willing to seek and receive help with my problems. Step four through seven focus on the internal work of exploring, owning, or repairing all of my wounds, strengths, hurts, and redeeming parts of my life and my personality. Steps eight and nine focus on exploring and repairing my interpersonal relationships. And Steps 10, 11, and 12 are meant to be daily practices to keep me conscious and connected to my Self and others. Learning about, and applying the principles of, the 12 steps provided me clear, applicable, relatable tools to meet life on life's terms. Things I'd never heard or understood before, even from my years spent in church or in a therapist's office. My time with friends in recovery helped me adopt helpful, daily life practices like candid honesty, accountability and always considering "my part" in anything and everything, especially in my relationships. Those tools were paramount in helping me move beyond my season of victimhood, into a greater space of empathy and compassion for myself and others, and into forgiveness. Features that played a central role in repairing my marriage. There was a season for acknowledging what was not OK and what we needed to improve in our marriage. However, steps four through nine helped me see that when I focused only on the ways I was harmed and hurt by others, that only fuelled my bad choices and behaviours. Ultimately, the internal and interpersonal work of 12 steps concepts created a path for my husband and I to heal. There was a season for acknowledging what was not OK and what we needed to improve in our marriage. However, steps four through nine helped me see that when I focused only on the ways I was harmed and hurt by others, that only fuelled my bad choices and behaviours. Ultimately, the internal and interpersonal work of 12 steps concepts created a path for my husband and I to heal.
I've learned that non-addicts are not completely different to addicts. When faced with stress and other forms of emotional discomfort, both groups cope, at least some of the time, in maladaptive ways. However, the 12 step concepts, its community, and its structure allowed me a safe space to share our victories and failures, seek and provide comfort, and inspire or acquire courage in the face of numerous life's challenges."
After her vulnerable share in Newsweek, Snowden, along with her co-author Scott Brassart, wrote 'Life Anonymous: 12 Steps to Heal and Transform Your Life,' which is in my 'Suggested Reading' list.' Snowden's book is for anyone who wants to get out of a painful internal or interpersonal cycle and seek a better way of living. The book encourages everyone to explore and 'work' the 12 steps in all facets of their lives, regardless of identifying as an addict or not. The 12 step model for recovery and healing has helped millions of addicts worldwide not only find and maintain sobriety but live healthier, more joyful, more intimately connected lives. But for some reason, perhaps due to the outdated stigma and ignorance around addiction, this formula has never taken root beyond the recovering addict community. Kristin M. Snowden and Scott Brassart, a long-recovering addict and author, have both worked and benefitted from the 12 steps. And they have both wondered why—when it is so clear to them that the 12 steps can help any person (addicted or not)—this proven program for healthy change is not more widely utilised. The book, using their personal and professional journeys, explains how every person can use the 12 Steps to ignite profound change. You don’t need to be an addict and you don’t need extreme or obvious symptoms such as debilitating depression or anxiety to get something meaningful from this book. You don’t even need to be in relationship with an addict. The simple truth is that people in any kind of deep struggle can appear to be quite high functioning and successful on the surface. The 12 steps are about identifying what is not working in our lives and making changes to better both our Selves and our relationships. Ultimately, healthy connection with Self and others is the crux of the journey. Whoever you are, whatever your situation, your life can be better. Much better. And the 12 step process described in the pages of Snowden's book can help you make that happen.
Click here for a great free podcast interview between Dr Rob Weiss, a sex and love addiction therapist, and Kristen Snowden:
The spiritual path and Enlightenment
Your psychology, your psyche, also known as your mind, is the sum of your learned experiences. This created and conditioned your ego to have preferences: Either to get what you want or to not get what you don’t want.
The beginning of the ‘Third Chinese Patriarch’ of Zen, written by Sengstan Hsin Hsin Ming, blending together Buddhist and Taoist teachings, reads:
“The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and Heaven and Earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish to see the Truth then hold no opinion for or against. The struggle of what one likes and what one dislikes is the disease of the mind.”
The mind is the ego. The self with a small ’s.’ As opposed to the real Self, the Soul. The cause of all suffering is desire, which is the same as preference. If you are able to stop being distracted by your preferences then you are Enlightened. This is the process of continuous, repeated acceptance and surrender, which are the absolute key components of the 12 steps. Reality is that which has already happened. You can’t change it so you may as well not have any preferences about it being a certain way. You can practice surrender and acceptance every minute of every day from the moment you wake up, by not having any preference when anything happens. Be here now, remain present, and work on not having any preferences and thus knowing that you can handle reality.
At every AA meeting you will hear at least one person share, where their introduction is "I am a grateful alcoholic". Why would they be grateful as their life was a wrecking ball? It’s because alcohol led them to the 12-step spiritual path. But you can do that without an addiction.
In the 12 step 'Big Book', pages 417-418, it states " And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some face of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could... Accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes."
"Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did... Acceptance has taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God’s handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God... I don’t know what’s good for me. And if I don’t know what’s good for me, then I don’t know what’s good or bad for you or for anyone. So I’m better off if I don’t give advice, don’t figure I know what’s best, and just accept life on life’s terms, as it is today – especially my own life, as it actually is... I judged myself by my intentions, while the world was judging me by my actions."
Acceptance is truly the key to peace, joy, and love. You will find that any challenge or difficult interpersonal relationship only falters because of a lack of acceptance. Acceptance is the answer to all of your problems.
Eckhart Tolle, the spiritual teacher, defined surrender as “Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life.” Tolle continued that “Until you practice surrender, the spiritual dimension is something you read about, talk about, get excited about, write books about, think about, believe in, or don’t…It makes no difference. Not until you surrender does it become a living reality in your life.”
Surrender is the same as 'letting go'. This is the result of letting go of judgement (of your Self and others) and resentment. It is key to healing, Self-compassion, and any spiritual awakening and Enlightenment. As part of this we need to let go and surrender our attempts to control people, places, events, and things. If we don't, we will never find joy or peace. Without it there is no Utopia and no Heaven - only Hell. When we surrender, all is well. When we don't surrender, we become spiritually dis-eased, deadened and dead to the world, and mentally ill. Being able to let go is also called emotional sobriety. It also means letting go of thoughts and emotions about those people, places, and things. It means letting go of your ego and embracing who you truly are. How do you surrender, when there is nothing left of you? Not even your Self-worth.
The only way to fight a losing battle is to surrender. In the Book of Romans 8:32 in the Bible it states “If God is for us, who can be against us?" We can choose to respond with trust that if God is for us we have all we need in every moment, through unconditional love, to get us through with flying colours. Or we can choose to respond with fear (the language of the ego), convinced that there is some power that is opposing our wellbeing and keeping what we need from us.
Judgement stands in the way of everything that the Universe is going to give to you. Judgement separates you from everyone else. Surrender is not passive or giving: It's the most powerful thing that you can do to change your life.
When you know that you don't know then all is well. You are able to get off your throne of judgement and be centred enough not to find right and wrong in your judgements. See your self from another's point of view. An egocentric perception of life leads to conflict, drama, and turmoil. Stop trying to run the Universe. The ego grows back so quickly, It's a lifetime of work, with daily ego deflation (as Dr Harry Tiebout described recovery).
The problem is always you, and your perception of things. Get off your high-horse of judgement. You are wrong about everything. How wrong you are in your perception of life itself. You are the source of all your conflict and drama. You have an illusion of a Universe that is bad, but you are wrong. The Universe is trying to conspire for your greatest good: It's just that you keep getting in the way by trying to control it.
When we let go, we create space inside us that allows us to connect with ourselves, others and to our Higher Power. It means letting go of our ego, and surrendering to love. I simply have to look around me - anywhere, and what I see are that a lot of people are struggling with life: Pretty much everyone: If you let go of your ego, then you are spiritually safe. Unless the person can enlarge their spiritual life through self-sacrifice and constant work in service of others, then they are stuffed.
Once we have created the inner space described above we must fill our cup with our Higher Power. If we don’t, something else will creep back in, another barrier and block from our surface-selves - the ego. If we don’t replace the negative with the positive, more negative will sneak back in!
Sri Ramana Maharshi wrote "Surrender, and all will be well. Throw all the responsibility on God. Do not bear the burden yourself. What can destiny do to you then?"
Conclusions
The 12 steps of Life Anonymous, LA, are key to your growth, evolution, and transformation.
Many people believe that a 12 step program is only for addicts or alcoholics. The truth is that everyone should try a 12 step program. There are so many benefits to these programs. Everyone faces situations where they can use these steps. The 12 steps are about making amends when you do something wrong. It is about working out your resentments towards others, freeing you from those resentments. It is a method for atonement. The 12 steps will get you through any obstacle with calmness and clarity.The 12 steps are for everyone’s life. They can be applied to every domain of your life.
Addiction is running away from your true Self. Addiction recovery works on your physical and emotional sobriety and connects you to your true Self. Recovery is a bridge to normal living. It means to recover your Self. Recovery is a process of Self-acceptance not Self-improvement, as the myriad of 'self-help' books would have you believe. It is not your self that will help you (your ego - in fact ego is the cause of all your problems), it is your Higher Self, which is humble yet limitless. Recovery is an unfolding of who you are. This is the practice of the 12 steps, whether you are an addict or not. It helps us to resize our Selves and celebrate who we truly are - the ego thinks it is huge. Why do you act so big, when you are not so small? It's hard to know why we are not grounded in our Selves. But this is the whole process of recovery. People have Real Personal Power if they don't give it away. Throughout your recovery, you use your challenges to propel you to a higher level of peace, understanding, and Self-love that would not have been possible otherwise. You trust that you are being led toward your greatest potential. When you accept your Self for who you are, and feel the love around you, you know that you are inherently worthy. You learn patience with yourself as you continue to grow, knowing that you are being guided with love by a strong program, and by a Higher Power of your own understanding, who is always with you. Step Three reminds you that there is unconditional love available to you. By giving your will and your life over to the care of a Higher Power of your own understanding, you trust that this love and presence will remain in your life. In times of fear, you can imagine your inner child resting in warm, loving arms - feeling the comfort that you did not receive as a child. Recovery is a well of Grace that you can return to again and again and dip in self-acceptance, self-assurance, and love. Each time you do recovery work, you drink down God's love. Recovery work takes consistent, lifelong effort, and time: The only thing that is instant in recovery is the coffee. The problem is "Not the drink (or whatever addiction you have or don't have) it's the think: The disease is between the two ears." It's your 'stinking thinking.' It's all in the mind. Recovery is knowing that right now you have abundance - you can stop looking for a destination: Surrender to 'Heaven' in this very moment and realise that it is a reality and that it is not related to other people, places, events, things, or achievements. There is pain in the here and now: Yet you come to cherish the pain in the present moment. Pain is what your spiritual Self has not yet learned to digest. Our spiritual experience sends challenges to us as a good evolutionary pain to teach our spiritual Self to digest it. The degree of peace that you will feel is directly proportional to your surrender. Respect your powerlessness.. We are all just human and we all want the same thing - spiritual bliss. We are born fine, then life defines us, and recovery refines us. We must allow ourselves to be imperfect. It's ok to just BE and be good enough. Charles Whitfield wrote that "Recovery is not an intellectual or rational process. Nor is it easy. It is an experiential process, consisting of excitement, discouragement, pain, and joy, with an overall pattern of personal growth."
In the 12 step program, the human structure is symbolically represented in three dimensions: Physical, psychological (including emotional), and spiritual. The problems the groups deal with are understood to manifest themselves in each dimension.
If you don’t have an addiction, but you want a program in your life that is going to help you be joyful, more content, more peaceful, and yet more successful, the LA 12 step program is the way to go.
The process of working the 12 steps of LA is intended to replace self-centredness with a growing moral and expanded consciousness, and unselfish constructive action.
A 2020 Cochrane review of the 12 steps of AA showed that participation in AA resulted in more alcoholics being abstinent from alcohol and for longer periods of time than cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and motivational enhancement therapy, and as effective as these in other measures. The 12 steps has a proven role.
Richard Rohr hypothesises in his book 'Breathing Under Water', which is in my 'Suggested Reading' list, that “Until you bottom out and come to the limits of your own fuel supply, there is no reason for you to switch to a higher octane of fuel… You will not learn to actively draw upon a Larger Source until your usual resources are depleted. … In fact, you will not even know there is a Larger Source (your Higher Power) until your own sources and resources fail you.” He continues that we “Develop a love and trust relationship with a substance or compulsion of some kind, [and this] becomes their primary emotional relationship with life itself. This is a 'God' who cannot save. It is momentary intensity passing for the intimacy they really want, and it is always quickly over.” Addicts or not, we behave in this way. We seek out external sources to validate us, to help us escape from pain or discomfort, and to help us feel like we’re “good enough.” The temporary relief mechanisms we use inevitably lead us to the gates of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. The obvious (but scary) path to freedom from the insanity cycle is to admit that what you’re doing is no longer working, that your best thinking got you here, and you need to make some significant life changes. As Snowden states "In my life, once I was able to acknowledge that my intelligent, determined, controlling, and prideful self still ended up broken-hearted, miserable, scared, and floundering, I was able to surrender and accept a new system for change—a new manager. And with that help, I began to find answers that I, alone, could not find." We have a new employer, our Higher Power, and we carry out his will.
You are in control of your own life, but you must not exhaust yourself trying to control everything else in this world. Doing so is only going to wear you out and shake you up some more, and will. create even more problems. Our Higher Power sends us challenges until we learn what they are teaching us. So, maybe you aren’t an alcoholic or addict. You may have never used drugs or alcohol in your life. However, just like everyone else in this world, it is very likely you have some unhealthy coping mechanisms you use. You might hold grudges when you have a resentment toward someone. Maybe your life is filled with troubling relationships, fears, anxieties, irritability, discontent, and more. Soul searching and forgiveness are both huge steps in anyone's life. A key to finding freedom is understanding that accepting your past and forgiving others is necessary in order for you to find peace. Giving up the desire for revenge can make it easier on yourself, as well as those who have wronged you before. The pain of anger or resentment will cause more harm than good if left unresolved; so take steps now towards forgiveness and let go of any negative feelings toward someone else's actions in the past that may still be bothering you today. The same can also be said about yourself - while you should forgive others and try to make amends, you should forgive yourself, too. After recognising and understanding your wrongdoings, you should then seek out those who you have hurt and try to resolve your issues to truly move forward. Another step that non-addicts can use for their everyday lives is to work on their honesty and integrity. Denial, also known as suppression or repression, terms coined by Sigmund Freud, can be a hard thing to overcome, for both addicts and non-addicts alike, but without overcoming denial, you cannot move forward. If you are trying to escape your life for any reason, you should know the LA 12 step program can help.
No matter what you’re going through, believing that a Higher Power exists and can help you to heal through it will make a world of difference and allow you to realise Real Personal Power.
Namaste.
Olly
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