What Being Close to Death Taught Me This Weekend
- olivierbranford
- Mar 16
- 13 min read
Updated: Mar 17
I have had a close call with death this weekend, being diagnosed with significant blood clots (pulmonary emboli) to both of the main arteries that go from my heart to my lungs. This came out of nowhere and left me gasping for air, in excruciating pain, lightheaded, and disorientated. I pretty much collapsed. I was picked up in a blue light ambulance. I have spent the three days since with continuous cardiac monitoring on a coronary care unit. I looked death in the eye, and it didn’t take me away.
V. E. Schwab said "I want to live, but getting close to death is the only way to feel alive."
Being close to death teaches you what is important and what is not important - it allows you to get your priorities straight. It made me realise that all that matters are the people that love me and whom I love unconditionally, including my family and close friends (you also find out who these people are), and that I am set on my true path with respect to my dharma.
I recently wrote an article about someone who researched what was important to people as they lay on their deathbeds 'What Matters in Life: 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying''. They had five key regrets in common, which are:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Had I not been following my new true calling, I pondered today if my Higher Power would not have reached out a nurturing and healing hand. It’s quite possible that he wouldn’t.
If you are tired, keep going; if you are scared, keep going; if you are sick, keep going.
I have prayed and meditated all weekend. My prayers were of thanks for my recovery even though from the outside no-one could know how things would turn out, and that I would survive this near-fatal challenge; and come back stronger even. May every anxious thought you have today bow down to God’s overflowing peace and protection.
Like Arjuna, the warrior archer in ‘The Bhagavad Gita’, the battlefield for my life, through a dialogue with God, reaffirmed the dharma and meaning of my life. You have to find your dharma, do it with passion, let go of outcomes, and turn it all over to God. It may feel like jumping off a cliff. You are not jumping blindly, it is a leap of Faith. Faith has nothing to do with believing in a ‘God’. Faith is seeing infinity in the petals of a flower, in the eyes and the joy of a child, in the panorama of the ocean or the awe and wonder in the star-studded night sky and knowing, without question, that there is a Universal intelligence that is guiding all things together with Love. Sören Kierkegaard wrote "Faith is the highest passion in a human being. Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further... The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays." Marianne Williamson wrote "To trust in the force that moves the Universe is Faith. Faith isn't blind; it's visionary. Faith is believing that the Universe knows what it's doing. Faith is the psychological awareness of an unfolding force for good, constantly at work in all dimensions." Mahatma Gandhi wrote "A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable Faith in their mission can alter the course of history... If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living Faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm." I have weathered the blackest storm this weekend that almost took me: But God is not ready for me yet. I have work to do.
Proximity to death also teaches you that you do not need to be afraid. At no point during the onset of my symptoms, my admission, and my sojourn did I feel fear. In fact, a tremendous peace and calm settled over me. I felt a higher presence watching over me. I saw the fear in the eyes of the souls all around me: I wrote this article from my beeping bed for them. Dear souls, this too shall pass. All is well.
Being on your deathbed also causes all of your other little daily, repetitive worries to disappear. Trauma is definitely a catalyst for transformation and the dissolution of your ego.
You can go anywhere as long as it's forward. Every morning starts a new page in your story and so make it a great one: Your life is a reflection of your thoughts, if you change your thinking you change your life! Trusting, having Faith, and surrendering change everything. You are an unfinished work in progress. You can handle life; I promise. If others are hurtful, it’s a reflection of their pain and circumstances, and not of who you are. Be kind to them.
I have been very fortunate this weekend not to have died. God clearly has other plans for me. It’s ironic in a way that I have recently been writing articles on ‘Your True Calling’. Nothing in this world happens by chance. God doesn’t play dice. He doesn’t even go into the casino.
When I looked out of the window this morning, the sun was shining. I could see God in the sun. For it is the fearless living out of your own essential nature that connects you to the divine.
Ryan Holiday talks about the Stoic philosophy, ‘Memento Mori’, which means ‘remember you will die,’ the ancient practice of reflection on our mortality that goes back to Socrates, who said that the proper practice of philosophy is “About nothing else but dying and being dead.” We all need a little reminder every now and again. I have had mine this weekend for sure!
The only thing that is guaranteed is change. It’s not “I could have died: It’s “I didn’t die, and I have so much to live for.”
As I lie here, listening to the regular beeps of the multiple cardiac monitors, whilst typing on my laptop, I reflect that life is not about what we have gathered: It’s more about who we have loved.
It’s less about the life lived and more about who you live that life with.
And I am oh so full of gratitude for those who let me love them and who love me, so close by their side.
There are a myriad of memories and moments that make up a life. Take care of them. Hold them gently in your hands. I remind my Self that I have learned that nothing is promised in this life and should not be taken for granted. I now know what we are made of and that is love. My wounds and their scars are just perfect as they are. We are perfectly imperfect and that's ok. Life can break you temporarily, but you can inspire. Ernest Hemingway wrote that “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.” Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross said, “Beautiful people do not just happen.” They evolve. Each painful setback teaches a lesson. You and I can choose how struggle changes us. It can make us bitter, or it can make us better. It can harden us, or it can soften us. Beautiful people choose the second path. They let suffering open them, not close them. The most beautiful people are not just touched by life. They’re defined by it. They carry the scars and the wisdom. And they give us hope. Struggle breaks people, but it also builds them.
Viktor Frankl, the Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, took his pain and turned it into wisdom. He helped others find meaning. Pain transforms people. It teaches compassion. It shows what truly matters. Those who have lived this Truth shine differently.
The soul cannot live without meaning. We have to create meaning in this empty world. When we return to our sense of meaning we will feel like a return to simplicity, light, love, peace, joy, and bliss.
Hemingway and Kübler-Ross’ words remind me of the Japanese art of kintsugi. Broken pottery isn’t discarded. It’s repaired with gold. The cracks don’t hide. They make it more beautiful.
Rumi wrote “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”
Lay down your weapons. Lay down your resentments. Be vulnerable like the most beautiful souls. Brené Brown wrote that “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” Theodore Roethke wrote "Love is not love until love's vulnerable." Haruki Murakami wrote “What happens when people open their hearts? They get better.” Vulnerability heals. I have found this to be so true this weekend. What I have found is that when I am totally vulnerable, it opens the gate for others to do the same. People immediately take off their masks to be seen and loved for who they truly are, and allow themselves to express their emotions and deepest fears. Many people will cry. Crying is healing. It is a deeply moving, unconditonally loving, mesmerising, profound, inspiring, and spectacular experience. I cried this weekend, not because I was afraid: I cried at the joy of seeing how the Universe works first hand. The Universe sends us lessons, and sends us to Earth to learn and evolve. When you speak from the heart, you impart, and that's when people really listen. And that's when their hearts open too. Vulnerability underpins the genuine capacity for human connection. It is a foundational stone of empowerment, possibility, and success in all areas of life. Vulnerability, when shared, is the basis of your new life and it is your way out of pain and fear. Vulnerability is the state of being open, exposed, and emotionally honest. It involves willingly showing our true Selves, including our deepest fears, emotions, flaws, and uncertainties, without the protective mask and iron-clad armour of pretence or 'perfection'. It is about stepping out of our comfort zones and allowing ourselves to be seen authentically for who we truly are, building trust, and opening the doors to genuine connections and meaningful relationships. Leo Christopher wrote “Vulnerability is the essence of connection, and the connection is the essence of existence.” Vulnerability is a connection catalyst. It's a veritable, loving force of Nature. Vulnerability is the key to the new dawn just ahead of you, and a lock to the night behind you (you know, the one with the false narratives, trauma, and catastrophising or 'awfulising' thoughts).
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross said that “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.”
Feel your emotions. Don’t be driven by past experiences that you have clung to. Let them go.
It really is all about love. Slow down, breathe, and listen to what life has planned for you next. Listen to the bird song, watch the trees dance in the wind, see the glory of the sun, our very own star. When you think you are taking your breath for the last time, maybe you are really taking it for the first time. As Jesus said "You must die to be reborn."
The most profound change I’m aware of just now is a growing realisation that life is not personal (the ego). This may seem a surprising or even strange view to those unfamiliar with Eastern spirituality, but it has powerful implications. It’s very freeing to realise that events in my life are arising because of circumstances in which I am not involved, but that I’m not at the centre of them in any particular way. They’re impersonal. They’re arising because of causes and conditions. They are not “me.” There is a profound freedom in this. It makes life much more peaceful and harmonious because I’m not in reaction to events all the time. My blood clots were not me, in the same way that a hand isn’t. If you lose a hand, you are still you.
We have already arrived; and we have the potential in each moment to wake up to our true nature.
Brené Brown wrote “If you own this story you get to write the ending.” Oprah Winfrey wrote “You define your own life. Don’t let other people write your script.” So, what is my script? My journey through The Dark Night of The Soul brought meaning through suffering. In taking the Hero’s Journey I realised that my primary, inner purpose was to awaken, and that my secondary, outer purpose was to serve and guide others in doing the same through compassion and presence. The meaning of my life was to achieve these, with my inner and outer purpose being in alignment. This is where I have found my vulnerable, yet courageous authenticity. This takes me to a mindful, meditative state, where I can feel and hear the love, joy, and peace inside me speaking softly to me.
I am looking forward to going home, seeing my loved ones and resuming my sacred purpose of coaching and writing. T. S. Eliot wrote “Home is where one starts from.” Home is where our story begins. Home is the starting place of love, hope, and dreams. Then life takes you to unexpected places: Only love brings you home. Chase your dreams, but always know the road that will lead you home again. Home is more than a place—it’s a feeling, a sanctuary, and a collection of moments that shape our lives. Whether it’s the comfort of familiar walls, the joy of gathering with loved ones, or the peace of solitude, home holds a unique meaning for everyone. Home is where the heart is. With you, I am home. There is, as they say, no place like home.
As I allow myself to fall from my mind into the soft pillows of my heart, I reflect on what inspires me and makes me feel alive, with a sense of wonder like the very first time I remember having seen snow or my first Christmas. Memento Mori can be invigorating and humbling. Just remember to love.
See you soon,
Namaste.
Olly
Email me:
My gift is to be your guide on your very own 'Hero's Journey'...
Hello,
I am delighted and enchanted to meet you. I coach men with 'Deep Coaching', 'Supercoaching', and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my email for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching on Zoom or in person.
“Transformative life coaching uniquely creates and holds the space for you to see your self afresh, with clarity, and step into new ways of BEing, which will transform how you perceive and intuitively create your world. My work is to guide you to raise your own conscious awareness to the level that you want to achieve.”
I have a Bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences from Trinity College, Cambridge; a Master's Degree in Philosophy from Trinity College, Cambridge; a PhD Doctorate in Scientific Research from University College London (UCL); a Medical Degree (MD/MBBS) from The Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine, London and have been a doctor and reconstructive trauma and cancer surgeon in London for 20 years. I have a number of other higher qualifications in science and surgery. I have published over 50 peer reviewed PubMed cited scientific journal articles, have been an associate editor and frequent scientific faculty member, and am the author of several scientific books. I have been awarded my Diploma in Transformative Life Coaching in London, which has International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accreditation, as well as the UK Association for Coaching (AC), and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC). I have been on my own transformative journey full time for over five years and I am ready to be your guide to you finding out who you really are and how the world works.
I hear you. I see the highest in you, and I will continue to do so until you see it for your Self. I have ultimate compassion for you I will never judge you. We will fulfil your dreams and discover your purpose and what gives your life meaning. We are dealing with infinite possibility here. Together, we will lead you to remembering the light that resides in you. I have written 400 articles for you and an eBook to guide you on your transformative journey, which are all available for free on my website - click on the link below:
Please let me know if you would like to join our 'VOICE for men' VIP community: 'Vulnerability & Openness Is a Choice Ensemble', 'Visibility Is Power', where men can find their strength, courage, and authenticity, by dropping their egocentric fears and instead communicate openly with vulnerability. We are co-creating this space. It will change your life. It will empower you. This community is a safe space for men to connect and discuss philosophy, spirituality, positive psychology, awakening to Self-realisation, wisdom and timeless Truths, to share our experience, strength and hope, and to find solutions to our pain and fears. Our meeting is free to join. There is no script, just sharing.
This is really beautiful. It gives me hope. Thanks and blessings.