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Shock, Horror: My Doctor is Sick Too: And That's a Good Thing

Updated: Jan 27


Elyn R. Sacks professor of law, psychology, and psychiatry wrote that “Stigma against mental illness is a scourge with many faces, and the medical community wears a number of those faces.”


We need a collective healing of our hearts


Being ill as a doctor brings great empathy, understanding, and compassion, that can only benefit one's practice. So why is being sick as a doctor so taboo? It's because for some reason we are supposed to be superhuman - and immune from disease. This is clearly nonsense. My GP has suffered from mental illness. My psychiatrist has ADHD. My psychotherapist is an addict in recovery. For me, that makes them better at what they do as they get me, totally, and that makes them better healers.



According to "The Body Keeps The Score" by Van Der Kolk, nearly half of childhood trauma survivors numb their feelings with addictions. 75 percent of superachievers, and most doctors are superachievers, suffer in silence from childhood trauma, until it's too late. The effectiveness of medical organisations depends on the wellbeing of doctors. Michael West, professor of organisational psychology, said that the NHS should be run on compassion. In his interview, he says that the total lack of a compassionate view towards NHS staff in regard to their wellbeing has created the workforce staffing crisis in medicine. That is why you are waiting so long for appointments, procedures, and surgery. Doctors don't want to be doctors any more, because we are treated like dogs (and put down) by those who are supposed to care for us: They simply don't care, as has been my experience. And I am not alone.


As Baruch Spinoza wrote "The highest activity a human being can attain is learning for understanding, because to understand is to be free." When the regulatory bodies have a guillotine as their only tool, it is no wonder that they are decapitating professionals and destroying so many families. There is no tool on their belt labelled 'understanding' or 'compassion'. One has to suspect that either they lack understanding of mental illness, or that they are more afraid of the tabloid press and trolls than of doing the right thing by human beings who are mentally ill, in other words patients, who happen to be doctors. Doctors can be patients too, but are effectively not allowed to be. Is this really the kind of world that we want to live in? Plato said "No law or ordinance is mightier than understanding."


At no point in my medical career did I have a mental health assessment, despite having been employed in over a dozen leading teaching hospitals in London and Cambridge. When I crossed professional boundaries due to mental illness that I was unaware of, I was treated utterly inhumanely, and the institutions that are meant to care for those caring for patients heaped shame and trauma on me, despite their awareness of my childhood trauma, my severe depression, my generalised anxiety disorder, and my compulsivity, let alone my ADHD. Shame, trauma, and mental illness were the result of my dysfunctional childhood: How could anyone possibly think that giving a further dose of trauma and shame to someone who was mentally ill as a result of trauma would be a good or compassionate idea, or serve anyone? They also decapitated me rather than allowing me to participate fully free from stigma and discrimination, as recommended by the WHO. To have suffered childhood trauma and the unbearable pain of abandonment from one's own family and then to receive the same from one's profession after so many years of dedication to it (over two decades) is very challenging to bear. Doctors who are mentally ill (85% of all doctors) are terrified of seeking treatment as we know that the regulatory bodies are so antiquated and lack any compassion that they intend only to destroy us.


The Director General of the WHO stated that “Ultimately, there is no health without mental health… Mental health is a lot more than the absence of illness: it is an intrinsic part of our individual and collective health and wellbeing. We need to transform our attitudes, actions and approaches to promote and protect mental health, and to provide and care for those in need. We can and should do this by transforming the environments that influence our mental health and by developing community-based mental health services capable of achieving universal health coverage for mental health. As part of these efforts, we must intensify our collaborative action to integrate mental health into primary health care. Our vision is a world where mental health is valued, promoted and protected; where mental health conditions are prevented; where anyone can exercise their human rights and access affordable, quality mental health care; and where everyone can participate fully in society free from stigma and discrimination.” This is a vision that would bring an end to the pandemic of judgement that is running amok.


There is no compassion for mentally ill doctors. Especially from the medical profession, it's supposed 'recovery groups', which are not actually recovery groups, and the institutions that 'govern' doctors. My experience of them all has been absolutely horrific. Doctors may be patients too: We are all human beings the last time I checked. We are sick patients trying to get well, not bad doctors trying to become good. It is well recognised that compassion is essential to recovery and wellbeing.


The medical institutions are broken, they have been told so by their own leaders, and they know it, but they don't know how to become compassionate leaders, or don't want to do anything about it through fear of their own demise: Doctors are voting with their feet, and leaving the profession as quickly as they can. Dame Clare Marx said that she "Emphasises the need for organisations to have leaders that act compassionately and promote wellbeing." Yet they press on, destroying lives. They speak of diversity and inclusion, yet completely forget to include those with mental illness and neurodiversity. This is very convenient for them as it would involve caring for the vast majority of us. Their words are hollow and just a nod to wellbeing, without any substance. Since 2005, 33 doctors have committed suicide whilst under professional investigation: 33 families that have been detonated for generations. Medicine has become institutionalised and those institutions are making doctors sick. All attacks are based on fear: Fear of not surviving. These attacks are made unwittingly and yet they are insidious.



To anyone going through this horror show, remember that the Truth is that this too shall pass and, as John Green wrote that "There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t." It's ok to be vulnerable, in fact it's the only way to be authentic, connect with others, and to grow. As Brené Brown wrote "Vulnerability sounds like Truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they're never weakness." So, to those institutions that are supposed to lead us, I would suggest that you perhaps stop talking to us about 'resilience', and instead begin to have compassion for us. Would you have survived my childhood trauma?  Is it any wonder that more than half of our doctors in training are leaving medicine?


According to the WHO “Increased investment is required on all fronts: for mental health awareness to increase understanding and reduce stigma; for efforts to increase access to quality mental health care and effective treatments; and for research to identify new treatments and improve existing treatments for all mental disorders.“ In 2022, WHO launched the World Mental Health Report: Transforming Mental health for All. The WHO “Calls on all stakeholders to work together to deepen the value and commitment given to mental health, reshape the environments that influence mental health, and strengthen the systems that care for mental health.” Medical institutions, who should be leading on this, have so far failed to take up the gauntlet.


98% of people agree that mentally ill people experience stigma and discrimination. Nearly 9 out of 10 people with mental health problems say that stigma and discrimination have a negative effect on their lives. The data shows that 85% of all people are dysfunctional. The norm is dysfunctionality. Wilson Kanadi wrote "Those who judge will never understand, and those who understand will never judge." “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive” (Dalai Lama).


As Marianne Williamson said in her book 'Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey From Suffering to Enlightenment' "Being human is not a disease." She continued, that the epidemic of depression that we are seeing is a "Collective cry for the healing of our hearts." Mahatma Gandhi said “The problem with the world is that humanity is not in its right mind.” We need therapy less than we need a collective healing of the institutions that 'govern' us. We are being bathed in toxicity and we are expected to cope. We are not coping.


Bill Clinton wrote “Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all.“ In the scientific article 'Mental illness-related stigma in healthcare' it summarises that "Mental illness-related stigma, including that which exists in the healthcare system and among healthcare providers, has been identified as a major barrier to access treatment and recovery, as well as poorer quality physical care for persons with mental illnesses... An organisational culture that promotes staff health and wellbeing and is committed to combatting stigma in patient care is likely to have a positive impact on staff and patient safety as well as the financial bottom line."


Glenn Close wrote "What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candour, and more unashamed conversation." The eminent psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler Ross wrote "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." Those people become Enlightened Witnesses. So, why are those people being burned like witches? They stopped burning witches centuries ago because witches were never real. 9 million 'witches' were executed. And not one of them was a witch! Does this sound familiar? It turns out that the only evil people were those doing the burning. Funny that.


So, would I cancel an appointment with a doctor who is mentally ill? No, of course not. I would be reassured that they get me, and have compassion for me. That, after all, is the most healing trait of all. This is my truth.


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


Olly



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