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'Resilience' is Sadomasochism

Updated: Jan 28

People commonly mistakenly believe that 'resilience' is a good thing, but it's not necessary once you have done the inner work...


We all tolerate the unacceptable until we wake up. As we heal and awaken we start to see how our low self-esteem has us judging ourselves mercilessly, giving others the benefit of the doubt, tolerating inappropriate behaviour, and toxic people and institutions. 


Many of us were taught that it was virtuous to ‘put up with’ whatever was doled out, stay silent about whatever was going on, and deny our feelings in the process. This led us to doubt our own perceptions, which led us to doubt our own self-worth. Because we actually survived our childhoods, some of us misinterpreted our ability to deal with unacceptable situations as what is called ‘resilience’. This is not accurate. 'Resilience' is sadomasochism by another name, and is thus misunderstood. The dictionary definition of 'resilience' is "The ability to recover readily from adversity". But, once you are awakened, you will no longer seek drama or toxicity and you will have an imperturbable inner sanctuary. You will seek peace. You will feel spiritual bliss.


Indeed, needing 'resilience' is a trauma response. The term is bandied about as a ‘cure all’ by those who cause drama and conflict and, and who don’t understand healing and awakening…


'Resilience' is misunderstood


Unfortunately, we didn't learn that it was acceptable to set boundaries and limits, and that it was okay to say "No" to unacceptable behaviour. This is what we learn in healing and recovery: We don't have to be falsely stoic, full of grit, hustle, and desperate determination, or pretend that things don't bother us when they do. We are human beings. We have feelings. We don't have to apologise for issues that are not ours (projection by others who are full of shame) or feel ashamed when we feel triggered. We have the right to our reality, our experiences, and our feelings.


With the help of our healing and recovery support systems and as a result of our awakening, we are now learning to trust, to feel, and to use our voice; this is a wonderful way to live. We can surround ourselves with people who listen to us and acknowledge our feelings. We can be more human, vulnerable, courageous, and safe.


It is not your job to take up suffering and toxicity that other people or misguided institutions are not ready to give up themselves. 


Remind your Self that being 'resilient' (tolerating toxic behaviour and abuse from individuals and institutions) is not the way you want to live your life. You can relax and trust safe people. You can cut toxic people out of your life with ease. Inner work is the hardest thing you will ever do, yet the most worthwhile. Once you are on the other side of the bridge to healing you will never need to a 'resilient' masochist again. Why would anyone put up with anything other than peace, joy, and love?


Speak in such a way that others love to listen to you: Listen in such a way that others love to speak to you.


George Bernard Shaw wrote that “Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” Are you ready to change your mind?


Namaste.


Sending you love, light, and blessings brothers.


Olly



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Hello,

I am delighted and enchanted to meet you. I coach men with 'Deep Coaching', 'Supercoaching', and Transformative Life Coaching (TLC). Thank you for reading this far. I very much look forward to connecting with the highest version of you, to seeing your highest possibility, and to our conversations. Please do contact me via my email for a free connection call and a free experience of coaching on Zoom or in person. 


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